Young women growing up in the 21st century face a steep uphill battle in forming a positive, healthy view of their own identities. The culture of this modern age is steeped in confusion regarding proper characteristics, roles and goals for women. Feminism scorns the traditional roles of wife and mother, and encourages women to function as “quasi-men”—behaving like men, pursuing the same goals as men, and competing with men.

Positive role models for young women are virtually non-existent! Popular television programs feature female characters whose lives revolve around illicit romance, materialism and career pursuits—and their real-life counterparts tend to follow suit.

Girls and young women in the Church must constantly resist and unlearn the values and ways of the world around them. Only those who are determined to swim against the current —with God’s help—will fulfill their potential.

But where does one begin? What qualities does God want girls and young women to develop?

Proverbs 31 describes a woman whose character and conduct are pleasing to God. Verse 10 asks the question: “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” The word “virtuous” here is translated from the Hebrew word chayil, which can mean “strong,” “valiant” or “worthy.” (Although this chapter describes a married woman, it also contains lessons that apply to young ladies who hope to marry.)

The comparison to the ruby is no accident. Rubies are among the most precious gemstones. They can be more expensive than diamonds (a top quality ruby can cost over $30,000 per karat). Rubies are rare, as are godly women; verse 10 alludes to their scarcity. Also, rubies are harder than any other precious stone, except diamonds. God compares this kind of woman to a jewel —beautiful, valuable and durable. This is truly an honor!

What other qualities are found in this rare gem called the virtuous woman?

Trustworthiness

A godly woman is faithful, loyal and trustworthy, and looks out for the best interests of others: “The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Prov. 31:11-12).

By extension, young women should be pure, chaste and faithful to future husbands—determined not to “rob” them of what belongs only in marriage.

Productivity

God expects women to be industrious, and to use their talents and energy toward productive ends. “She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands…with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms…her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff” (Prov. 31:13, 16-19).

Also, a virtuous woman pays attention to the quality of her work: “She perceives that her merchandise is good…She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant” (vs. 18, 24).

A woman should follow the instructions found in Ecclesiastes: “Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, where you go” (9:10).

It is wise to develop hobbies and pursue interests that may enable you to supplement your future husband’s income while being a keeper at home (e.g., giving music lessons, making crafts, taking photographs, babysitting, designing websites, etc.).

Financial Wisdom

The Proverbs 31 woman is the opposite of the “spoiled wife” who impulsively buys frivolous items: “She is like the merchants’ ships; she brings her food from afar. She considers a field, and buys it …” (Prov. 31:14, 16). Under the direction of their husbands, women are often stewards of the family budget. These passages describe effort, forethought and judgment being used in this responsibility. Financial habits are often built in adolescence—begin to save now for what the future may bring.

Also, although career goals are secondary to serving God and family, it is certainly beneficial to become educated or skilled in a particular area. In the case of a woman who remains single for some time, this can make a drastic difference in her quality of life.

Generosity and Concern

A woman of character seeks and serves those who are struggling with difficult circumstances: “She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy” (vs. 20). This also speaks to the general principle of constantly looking out for the needs of others, and taking action to fulfill them.

Make it a habit to serve at home and in the Church. Help at potlucks, write to the sick and shut-ins, help families with young children. (For example, offer to babysit at the Feast of Tabernacles.)

Able to Manage Her Household

Another responsibility that rests with a woman is to make sure her family is cared for and that her home is running properly and efficiently: “She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness” (vs. 15, 21, 27). This kind of woman strives to have “all things be done decently and in order” in the home (I Cor. 14:40).

Learn to manage your life now. Show initiative. Do not rely on your parents to constantly direct you in everyday tasks and habits such as cleaning your room, doing homework, maintaining proper nutrition, and exercising regularly. Managing yourself now shows a sense of maturity that most young people lack.

Feminine and Modest Appearance

In this world, a woman’s appearance is overemphasized to the extreme. Young women—and even young girls—are being taught to dress in ways that incite lust in males and focus attention on the self. While this is wrong, the Proverbs 31 woman is concerned with how she looks since she “makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple” (vs. 22).

As in all areas of life, balance is the key. Members of “the fairer sex” do not need to look frumpy, backward or odd. Neither should they emulate the world by following the latest trends. Strive for a pleasing, attractive appearance, but avoid extremes; always dress modestly.

Health is a large part of maintaining one’s appearance and has benefits that reach into every other area of a woman’s life. Strive for good health. Take care of yourself—read about proper nutrition, exercise and natural remedies. Not only will you look more radiant, but you will also function better in every area of responsibility. And your future family will benefit from your understanding of health and nutrition in the preparation of wholesome meals!

To put physical appearance in proper perspective, another verse describes the “outfit” that is most important to a godly woman: “Strength and honor are her clothing” (vs. 25). Appearance does matter, but it is not nearly as important as righteous character!

Wise and Kind

Another aspect of the woman discussed in Proverbs 31 has to do with her words: “She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (vs. 26). This verse actually goes beyond the mouth; it addresses the mind since “of the abundance of the heart [the] mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).

Of course, our minds (hearts) should be filled with God’s Word. “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matt. 4:4).

God is the true source of wisdom. Nothing can replace daily Bible study along with prayer, meditation and periodic fasts. Study the lives of women in the Bible such as Ruth, Deborah, Abigail, Esther and Mary.

Strive to develop your mind and to become well-rounded. This will enable you to be comfortable in different situations, including speaking to people of various backgrounds. Borrow edifying and profitable books, videos and CDs from the library. Seek new experiences! Take opportunities to travel and to learn about different geographical areas and cultures.

The second quality described here, kindness, is important for men to possess as well, but is especially becoming of a true lady. A gentle and considerate manner is important to God—this flies in the face of the brash, strident demeanor of many modern women. While you should share your thoughts, avoid being loud, obnoxious and crass.

The New Testament expands on the attitude and approach that a woman should embody: “Likewise, you wives… [let your husbands] behold your chaste conversation…Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

“For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters you are, as long as you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement” (I Pet. 3:1-6).

Fear of God

Another verse in this chapter describes the central virtue of a godly woman: “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord , she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:30).

But what is the fear of God?

“Be not wise in your own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil” (3:7).

“By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil” (16:6).

“Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding” (Job 28:28).

Physical beauty is temporary and can deceive onlookers by partially concealing an ugly attitude. By contrast, strong character lasts forever. A wise young man will seek to marry a godly woman rather than a “drop-dead gorgeous” woman void of character.

Take diligent notes during Church services. Become well acquainted with Church literature. Study doctrines. Make prayer and Bible study a daily habit. Let your light (your example) shine (Matt. 5:16) in your school and community.

Confidence

Although it is not directly mentioned in Proverbs 31, the fear of God has an important by-product: “In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence” (Prov. 14:26).

Obeying God and departing from evil will produce confidence in Him as you experience the blessings of obedience. (This is very different from the “self-confidence” promoted by worldly psychology.) The achievements of the Proverbs 31 woman can only be produced by a confident person who is willing and able to “jump in” wherever life affords opportunities.

If you are shy, put yourself in situations that will help you develop social and conversational skills. Look people in the eye. Be a good listener. Do not worry about sounding awkward from time to time—it happens to everyone!

Joy

Another result of living God’s Way is joy. Proverbs 31:25 states that the godly woman “shall rejoice in time to come.” Not “may”—“shall”! It is certain. A woman who is unselfish, and whose life is filled with growth and achievement, will radiate joy —and it will spread to others. It will be obvious by one’s countenance.

It has been said, “Of all the things that you put on in the morning, expression is the most important.” A smile always improves anyone’s appearance!

Steps to Follow

One does not simply wake up having blossomed into a virtuous woman overnight. To develop the qualities listed above takes diligent effort over years. As mentioned, consistently using the tools of Christian growth (Bible study, prayer, meditation, fasting and, after baptism, exercising God’s Spirit) will produce this gradual improvement in character.

In the book of Titus, the apostle Paul mentions another key to developing the qualities listed above: instruction from older women who have been living God’s way of life for many years. Here, Paul tells Titus what he should expect from women who are senior in experience and age: “The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becomes holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (2:3-5).

Take advantage of the treasure trove of experience that lies in the Church’s older women.

Keep in mind that Proverbs 31 does not refer to a single day in a woman’s life! Some women have felt overwhelmed by this description. Rather, it represents an overview of a lifelong pattern of growth and development.

Reaping the Rewards

Ultimately, a virtuous woman is one whose concern is focused on others: her husband, her children, her brethren, her neighbors. As selfishness decreases, virtue increases!

Work on developing these qualities as a young woman and you will have a head start. Young women, and even girls, can start building character by helping their mothers make sure the household runs smoothly and helping to care for younger siblings. Also, they can sometimes present a valuable feminine perspective to brothers and even fathers.

The rewards of a virtuous woman are the appreciation of those around her, a fine reputation, and God’s approval:

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband…” (Prov. 12:4).

“Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates” (31:31).

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her” (31:28).

“Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all” (31:29).

Start your journey to excellence now—pursue virtuous womanhood, and fulfill your God-given potential!