Dating today can feel like a maze. For many, it is a complex, laborious journey with no clear direction or end in sight.

The rise of dating apps and websites, such as Tinder and eHarmony, have created unprecedented opportunities to meet potential partners, but these platforms also bring their own challenges. With seemingly endless options at one’s fingertips, many experience frustration or decision fatigue. Add to this the ever-present risk of being “ghosted”—where someone you are interested in abruptly stops communicating—and it is easy to see why dating can be an emotional rollercoaster for so many.

Complicating matters further, people enter the dating world with vastly different expectations.

Some seek long-term, committed relationships, while others are primarily interested in casual companionship. Others simply want sex, avoiding commitment altogether.

This wide disparity of intentions can lead to mismatched expectations and, ultimately, disappointment. It is no surprise that a recent Pew Research study found that 56 percent of single adults in the United States are not actively looking to date. They may be thinking: Why go through the frustration, the heartbreak—the uncertainty?

At its core, dating is about finding love. Yet this can feel elusive in a world of conflicting intentions. The Bible cuts through all the confusion. It teaches that true love is not merely a fleeting feeling—it is central to God’s character. As I John 4:8 states, “God is love.”

Understand. God is not only the source of love but also the ultimate authority on relationships, including dating. His Word is a steady source of guidance for those willing to follow it. Its lessons will help anyone navigate the challenges of dating.

The Purpose of Dating

What is the purpose of dating? Rather than being an end in itself or a pursuit of personal gratification, dating serves a far greater purpose. While the Bible does not specifically mention dating, it does provide timeless principles regarding relationships and the sanctity of marriage.

Dating, done properly, can be fun and rewarding. But its ultimate goal should be to discern whether a man and a woman are compatible for marriage.

God is the author of marriage. He ordained it from the very beginning of mankind. Genesis 2:24 explains, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Marriage is a divine institution established by God. “One flesh” refers to sex within marriage.

God is ready to guide those who seek Him through every step of the process leading to marriage, including dating.

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

God wants you to be happy and successful in all areas of life. This includes dating. If you commit your dating process to God, He will guide the process and its outcome.

Now, let’s examine four principles God’s Word offers that apply to dating.

(1) Build Friendship First

Today, many fear being “friend zoned.” Merriam-Webster defines friend zone as “a state of friendship in which one’s romantic or sexual interest in someone is not reciprocated.”

Many singles believe that if their dating prospect sees them as just a friend, this could jeopardize their chances of a romantic relationship. This fear leads some to rush into expressing romantic intentions without first establishing a meaningful connection.

However, the truth is starting with friendship is the best way to build a solid relationship that lasts. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

A strong friendship provides stability and support, no matter what life throws your way. And when you have that kind of connection as the foundation for a relationship, it is easier to handle the ups and downs that come with a possible romance.

Friendship encourages healthy communication. It allows people to discuss important topics like beliefs, family, ambitions and even challenges they are facing in life. This type of connection builds trust and understanding, both of which are critical in a romantic relationship.

The Bible says a lot about the value of friendship. Proverbs 18:24 states, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

This emphasizes the deep bond of true friendship. While family relationships are important, sometimes a friend can provide support, understanding and companionship that even surpasses the closeness of blood relatives. That kind of bond is what makes relationships strong.

Avoid trying to label your relationship too soon or forcing romance. Instead, seek to build friendship and let love grow naturally.

(2) Practice Patience and Self-control

Patience and self-control are essential when approaching dating, especially in a world that encourages rushing into relationships and intimacy. These qualities allow for thoughtful decision-making and emotional stability, and will help you avoid common pitfalls that lead to heartache and regret.

Proverbs 4:23 provides timeless advice: “Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

The Hebrew word translated “keep” here means to guard. Guarding your heart means allowing emotions to develop naturally rather than rushing into romantic attachments or premature commitments. Patience and self-control will help you manage your thoughts, feelings and actions.

These qualities are often neglected with physical intimacy. Many singles rush into sexual relationships, either for short-term pleasure or because they think it will bring them closer to their partner.

However, this approach is not what God desires. Sexual intimacy is a gift from God, designed to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage.

Rushing into this aspect of a relationship will lead to emotional pain and other problems. By waiting for intimacy according to God’s timing, couples experience a deeper sense of fulfillment that far outweighs the fleeting gratification of lust.

Proverbs 25:28 says, “He that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” Whether you are a man or a woman, stay in control while dating. Do not allow yourself to get swept up in passion and do something you will regret.

Patience and self-control serve as safeguards in dating. They help protect your heart and ensure that relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. By cultivating these qualities, you set the stage for a relationship that is not only fulfilling but also honors God’s purpose for love and companionship.

(3) Focus on Serving

One of the most transformative principles of dating God’s way is learning to focus on serving.

In a society that so often encourages self-centeredness, this approach prioritizes the well-being and happiness of the other person. Rather than asking, “What can I get out of this relationship?”, serving others means asking, “What can I give?”

Philippians 2:3-4 captures the essence of this mindset: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”

This verse supports that a truly fulfilling relationship requires humility and selflessness.

When both individuals are committed to serving each other, any date or relationship becomes a space of mutual respect and support rather than a one-sided pursuit of personal gain.

True love is not transactional. You do not serve someone because you expect something in return. This means putting aside personal desires and pride to focus on benefiting the other person.

For example, a man can serve by thoroughly planning a date, showing that thought and care went into it. The lady can contribute by being engaged and present on the date and sharing her thoughts and ideas in conversation. In such a scenario, both are focused on giving the best experience to the other.

Focusing on serving others transforms dating from a self-focused pursuit into a meaningful opportunity to show outgoing concern.

(4) Commit to Personal Growth

Before entering a serious relationship, it is vital to prioritize your own development. Dating often emphasizes finding the right person, but becoming the right person is just as important.

Investing in your own physical, spiritual and emotional development ensures that you bring maturity and stability into any relationship.

God’s Word teaches us the value of personal growth. In I Corinthians 13:11, Paul writes, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” In other words, Paul grew up. Read all of I Corinthians 13, commonly called the “love chapter.” It shows us that maturity is essential in all aspects of life, including relationships.

Take time to cultivate essential life skills. Self-reflection is a key part of this process. Consider areas where you need to grow, and be willing to put in the effort to improve.

For example, if you struggle with finances, create and stick to a monthly budget. Learn how to save for future needs and reduce unnecessary debt. If you struggle with communication, work on it. Dating is the perfect opportunity to practice good communication skills.

These areas of growth reflect a sense of responsibility and readiness to contribute positively to a relationship.

God has given every person unique talents and abilities, and it is our responsibility to develop and use them. For instance, someone with a natural aptitude for music could take lessons to hone their craft. If you are gifted in hospitality, you could start hosting gatherings to practice making others feel welcome and valued.

When you invest in becoming the best version of yourself, you honor God and prepare to bring your full potential into any relationship He may lead you to.

Enjoy the Process

Dating should be a pleasant experience, not a stressful pursuit. Sharing enjoyable activities, laughing together and creating lighthearted moments are essential parts of building a connection.

God designed us to experience joy, and dating, when approached with the right mindset, can be a time of happiness.

The Bible’s principles for dating demonstrate God’s incredible knowledge and wisdom. Following His Way may not always feel easy or natural in a culture that often disregards biblical values. But God’s Word provides guidance that protects your heart, fosters genuine connection and equips you to build relationships that honor Him.

Approach dating as a time of discovery and growth. While society’s dating practices often lead to confusion and disappointment, following God’s way brings peace, fulfillment and lasting joy.

To learn more, read our free book Dating and Courtship – God’s Way. This comprehensive guide covers the importance of emotional maturity, the significance of spiritual compatibility, and even more advice on avoiding common dating pitfalls—all grounded in biblical principles that lead to long-term fulfillment.