“Teen on Life Support After Road Rage Incident”—“High School Teen Hospitalized After Fight, Now Charged with Assault”—“Tragic Tale of Teen Dating Violence.”

Such headlines have one thing in common: uncontrolled anger. Each example highlights an extreme effect of this powerful emotion—the devastating, life-changing events that can result when tempers flare.

While everyone has experienced anger, everyday outbursts and disagreements usually do not end in physical violence. Yet the consequences can still last. They often end friendships, fuel feuds between neighbors, and cause people to say hateful things they can never unsay.

As teenagers, controlling your temper is even more difficult. Ongoing changes in your brain between ages 13 and 21 make you more prone to emotional outbursts. Scientific research reveals that this makes you more likely to misinterpret the actions and emotions of others and react inappropriately.

Adults and your parents understand what this is like. They can remember being adolescents and overreacting to perceived injustices from their parents. Afterward, there may have been storming through the house in a huff, door slamming, and a period of brooding in a bedroom.

Yet puberty is no excuse for temper tantrums and unbridled anger. As teenagers, you are approaching adulthood. You can lay the foundation of who you will become—this includes whether you will let your emotions control you, or you control your emotions.

Anger can be incredibly difficult to keep in check. Yet God’s Word reveals both the consequences of this potent emotion and how to keep yourself from “flying off the handle.” Proverbs 15:18 states, “A wrathful man stirs up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeases strife.”

Examining this verse and learning to apply it in your life will put you on the track to control your temper now—and throughout adulthood.

Opposing Reactions

Proverbs 15:18 demonstrates two distinct ways to respond to stressful situations. The first half of the verse explains the undesirable result of lacking self-control: “A wrathful man stirs up strife…”

The word wrathful has a much greater meaning than just being angry. It means hot displeasure, furious, rage and indignation. This refers to one who is boiling mad and represents a poisonous attitude. Rage of this type leads to quarreling, brawling and contention. All of these are various forms of fighting, which never end well. Feelings can be hurt and, in extreme cases, a more serious outcome can occur—as the headlines at the beginning of this article demonstrate!

In the second half of the proverb we see the correct approach to take when faced with this powerful emotion: “…but he that is slow to anger appeases strife.” God shows us the desired result when you have learned to exercise emotional self-control.

Being slow to anger means to be longsuffering or patient with others. It means to first strive to understand the other person’s perspective before rushing to judgment or overreacting. We all make mistakes and feel badly about them, therefore it is wise to give others a chance to explain their behavior before we react.

If we can practice to be slow to anger, we can bring peace to most situations. This will allow a perceived offence to be addressed in a rational and positive way.

This is easy to say, but how do we actually do it?

A few pointers on how to learn to be slow to anger:

• Memorize some Bible verses about anger, mercy and longsuffering. Bringing them to mind when you feel yourself getting angry will help you keep the situation in a proper perspective.
• Strive to never react right away. Often, what seems crucially important or “the end of the world” in the heat of the moment will turn out to be unimportant in the next day—or even hour.
• Consider the example of Jesus Christ and know that He was once a teenager as well. Read the accounts of His life in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. These books contain many accounts of longsuffering, mercy and forgiveness.

Above all, realize that building character takes time and patience. It is no different when you are learning to be slow to anger. You will slip up from time to time and allow your temper to flare. When that happens, however, do not give up! Instead, analyze what just occurred, see where you went wrong, and determine to do better next time.

Real-life Applications

You have decided to be slow to anger. So what happens when a real-life situation occurs? What do you do?

Let’s say a friend has done or said something hurtful to or about you. This can happen often, and it is unpleasant! Your initial reaction may be to defend yourself or lash out and get even.

This is a time to involve God in your thinking. When such a situation occurs, ask for help in a quick prayer. Resist the urge to respond to unkind words with more of the same, and recall the predicted result if you do so: You will find yourself in a fight and may irreparably damage an important relationship!

There are a number of tactics you can employ when faced with such a predicament.

Be solution-oriented in your thinking. Ask, “What is my part in this?” Do not immediately blame others when things go wrong.

You should also strive to put the needs and feelings of others before your own. Doing this will allow you to better see the situation from the other person’s perspective.

Remember that you can bring peace to tense interactions with a soft answer (Prov. 15:1). By remaining calm and collected, you can often diffuse potentially explosive conversations.

After discussing your friend’s hurtful actions, you will often find that they never really meant any harm or that there was just a misunderstanding.

If you learn to employ these principles, you will reap the benefits of following God’s instruction. You will grow in character and strengthen your friendships.

Another common situation teens face is having their parents deny them something they want, or say they cannot go somewhere with their friends. This can result in raised voices and slammed doors.

Again, in such a situation, do not react immediately. Some find it helpful to use the “count to 10” principle in such instances: to allow 10 seconds to lapse before responding. This is more than just an exercise in counting—it forces you to stop and consider your response.

Remember that your parents love you and have your best interests at heart. They are not denying you simply to see you suffer or to be mean.

With this knowledge, ask yourself: “What is going on?” “Am I being unreasonable?” “Am I simply being selfish and thinking only about what I want?”

This is again a good time to ask God in prayer to help you deal properly with the situation.

Your parents may, in some cases, explain the reason for their decision. This could be a good time to calmly express why you feel upset if they allow it. This will help improve your level of communication with your parents. Then, listen carefully to the advice your parents give. You still may not like the outcome, but you will better understand that their decision is one made with love and concern for you.

In the end, approaching the situation this way can strengthen your relationship with your parents and allow personal character growth.

While these are just two examples of how to be slow to anger, these principles can be applied to almost any conflict in life.

Life-long Pursuit

Putting the second half of Proverbs 15:18 into practice will help you deal with stressful situations in a right way.

Always remember that you are not in this alone. Seek help when you need it! Your parents, your minister, and, most important, God are all there for you. You can approach the Creator of the universe. Go to Him in prayer and ask Him to help you—and He will!

Search through the Bible and find the many other scriptures that speak of patience and mercy. Memorize them so they will pop into your mind when a situation arises.

Learning to appease strife will enable you to have stronger relationships with both friends and family. You will also be seen as more approachable by others, a quality that attracts friends.

When we are able to put the feelings and needs of others before our own, to live the “give way” of life, we will have an inner peace that will spread to others.

Learn the wisdom expressed in Proverbs 15:18—and practice to be slow to anger!