article from SUMMER 2004
Turning the Other Cheek
How do you deal with being treated unfairly? Do you view things God’s way or your way? Knowing how to handle unfairness and injustice will lead to much happiness.
How many times have you found yourself in a situation in which you felt taken advantage of? How many times have you been insulted or, in some other way, belittled? Most people would probably say that they have received insults and putdowns in one form or another since childhood. Since no two individuals are exactly alike, people invariably manage to find something that they dislike in the appearances, personalities, backgrounds and mannerisms of others. Even identical twins will pick up on their differences in attitudes, likes and dislikes and other proclivities, and will tend to use these as “weapons” when situations and circumstances go unfavorably in their own lives. Many find themselves the victims of such unwarranted behavior.
And most would also say that they have been taken advantage of in some way, probably more than once. The world is seemingly full of con artists, greedy salespeople and others who just seem to prey on the kindness and generosity of others.
But why do people do this? And what should your reaction be when you are faced with insults, unfairness, injustice or even cruelty?
Resisting the Temptation to “Strike Back”
In this day and age, many do not consider the needs and feelings of others. They do not live by the principle commonly referred to as “The Golden Rule,” which Christ gave in Luke 6:31: “And as you would that men should do to you, do you also to them likewise.” Seemingly, people live by an unspoken, more self-serving rule of “Do unto others before they do unto you.”
When such situations arise, the natural tendency of human nature is to lash out or get even. No one wants to be considered an “easy target” or a “whipping boy.” And when one walks away from a situation feeling as though he has been treated as such (as though the people he has had to deal with “saw him coming”), anger, bitterness and resentment can easily surface. Thoughts like “Who do they think they are?” and “They can’t do that to me!” will automatically enter the mind. While such initial feelings are understandable, those who are striving to live God’s Way must actively fight these impulses.
As a teen, you are especially susceptible to such feelings. You are now developing the habits and attitudes that will serve to define you as you enter adulthood. It is also during the teen years that you are naturally the most sensitive and self-conscious. Events and circumstances during this period—both positive and negative—will make a lasting impression and have long-term effects.
The important thing to keep in mind is that this applies to all people. Just as it is true of you, it is true of others, as well.
Notice what Christ said in Matthew 5:39: “But I say unto you, that you resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also.” But what does it mean to “turn the other cheek,” and how can you apply this principle in your life?
Learning To Be “Thick-Skinned”
It has been said that there are two kinds of people: those who are “thin-skinned” and those who are “thick-skinned.” When it comes to negative experiences, most are probably familiar with the adage, “Don’t let it get under your skin.” What does this mean? Basically, it means to be able to control your sensitivity, to curb your natural tendency to become offended, hurt or angry. It means being able to “take things in stride,” to realize that offenses, injustices and hurt feelings are a part of everyday life, inseparable from one’s experiences on planet earth. It means being able to realize that most people do not live by the Golden Rule, and do not take the needs and feelings of others into consideration.
Those who are learning God’s Way know that Christ Himself, “…when He was reviled, reviled not again; when He suffered, He threatened not; but committed Himself to Him that judges righteously” (I Peter 2:23). This is the example that Christ set for all of us to follow.
And He also said, “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid” (Matt. 5:14). Being “the light of the world” involves “lov[ing] your enemies, bless[ing] them that curse you, do[ing] good to them that hate you, and pray[ing] for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matt. 5:44). A common cliché among those today who claim to follow Christ is “What would Jesus do?” While they typically misunderstand and misapply Christ’s words, the principle is sound nonetheless. Our goal is to emulate Jesus Christ (Phil. 2:5; I Pet. 2:19-21).
So how can you employ this approach? How can you face such situations and keep them from changing you, from causing you to become negative, cynical and pessimistic? And further, how can you turn those situations around and use them as opportunities to teach others—to “let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matt. 5:16)?
The answer is simple, involving basic principles from God’s Word.
Your Example
It has been said that those who are striving to live God’s Way may be the only Bible that some people ever read. It is our example that may make the difference in whether or not God is ultimately able to work with another person. And as a teen, you probably have greater interaction with more people (classmates and other peers) on a daily basis than do your parents or other adults in your life. This means that your example can potentially have a far greater impact.
When dealing with insults and sarcasm, consider the following:
Are these things coming from “someone who matters”? There is a common expression today that is invaluable in dealing with such situations: “Consider the source.” In other words, is the person from whom you are receiving harsh words or “cutdowns” someone whose opinions you value?
Generally speaking, we hold in high esteem those who have consideration for our feelings, who have demonstrated by their actions that they have our best interests at heart. While it may not always be comfortable to receive criticism from them, you know that what they are telling you is for your own good, something from which you will ultimately benefit.
On the other hand, there are those individuals whose sole motivation is to cause hurt feelings and to bring others down. This may be attributable to many different things, but regardless of this, you cannot allow their insults to determine your future. The best thing you can do is to let such words “bounce off of you,” to “roll with the punches,” so to speak. You will often find that remaining good-natured will disarm the other person, and you may even gain a friend in the process.
Notice what King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 18:24: “A man that has friends must show himself friendly.” It is up to you to take this approach, even if the other person persists in being hateful and insulting.
Notice what Solomon also wrote: “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (15:1). Eventually, those who will not be turned around by your example will at least come to realize that they cannot “get to you,” and will stop bothering you, even if only to look for someone else to bother. If everyone they targeted would practice your approach, such bullies would find themselves without anyone to harass, and would realize that they have a choice to make: either stop what they are doing and change, or go through life without ever having any real friends.
Also, while it is important not to allow these things to change you, you must also be on guard against becoming numb to them, to the point that you can no longer see the wrong in them, but merely accept such things. Why? Those who allow that to happen can become unable to separate right from wrong, or become calloused to the point of not even caring. If this is not recognized and curbed, such a person will change, ultimately crossing a line, becoming one of those who takes pleasure in insulting and demeaning others. As a young person who is learning God’s Way, you must keep in mind the principles outlined in James chapter 3. Take the time to read it. There, the apostle James showed the power of our words, to do both good and evil.
How to “Turn the Other Cheek”
Some final points need to be understood for you to be able to truly “turn the other cheek.” As Isaiah 28:10-13 shows, to gain a full understanding of a subject, the pieces of the puzzle must be put together “here a little, there a little.”
Notice the following two verses: “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:21); “Therefore if your enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head” (Rom. 12:20).
The principle set forth in these verses is obvious. The way to respond to those who seek to put you down or take advantage of you is not to lash out or seek to get even, but to treat them with kindness, and this we must do even if they continue to mistreat us. Notice Matthew 18:21-22: “Then came Peter to Him [Christ], and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus said unto him, I say not unto you, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven.”
Those who are seeking to please God must practice forgiveness as a way of life. As Christ went on to show in a parable in verses 23 to 35, if we are not forgiving of others, God will not be forgiving of us. We do not have the prerogative to seek revenge, because that is something that belongs to God (Rom. 12:19; Heb. 10:30). One who takes matters into his own hands, seeking revenge, is stealing from God! While there is a right kind of anger, and a right way to deal with it, we must not harbor feelings of resentment, bitterness or anger toward others, allowing them to grow in our mind. Notice: “Be you angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Eph. 4:26).
We must always seek to be peacemakers (Matt. 5:9), to be those whose actions properly represent God’s way of life. The Bible shows that the benefits of living God’s Way are many (notice Psalm 68:19; 103:2; 116:12). If you regularly practice “turning the other cheek,” the benefits will be tremendous!