Item printed from The Restored Church of God (rcg.org)
In 1964, Herbert W. Armstrong (1892-1986), Pastor General of the Worldwide Church of God, and Chancellor of the three Ambassador Colleges it sponsored, published a book then titled god speaks out on “The New Morality.” Several years later, it was given a new title, THE MISSING DIMENSION IN SEX. This book’s earliest edition was written to be a college textbook for the incoming freshman students at these colleges. Mr. Armstrong recognized, even then, the already serious and growing disaster of the sexual revolution—the “New Morality.” His book was most explicit, as will be this one.
Within twenty years, almost a million and a half copies of Mr. Armstrong’s book had been distributed, eventually reaching virtually every nation and territory of the world. This extraordinary book was later discontinued by his successors, and its vital principles were lost to nearly the entire generation that followed. With the rapid acceleration of the sexual revolution, begun in the late 1950s and early 1960s, there came a need to rewrite the truths revealed in Mr. Armstrong’s book from a twenty-first-century perspective. This volume brings these principles and truths of such colossal importance back to life. It also works in direct concert with, and is an important companion to, my book Dating and Courtship – God’s Way.
The world is now drenched—actually drowning—in a deluge of sex, with much or most of it having no connection to any real meaning or right purpose. More than ever in history, all mankind is awash in every conceivable kind of sexual pleasure, fantasy, perversion and pursuit—in or out of marriage, and with fewer and fewer people any longer making a distinction between the two. There has come to be no end to—and virtually no limits on—advertisements, television programs, movies, books, magazines, articles, photographs and websites for every kind of pornography and sex-related activity that the misguided creative genius of human beings could devise.
But sadly, there has been a worldwide drought in right understanding of these things!
Almost none know why they were born—what is the supreme purpose for human life. Most have no idea that there even is a purpose for human existence. Philosophers are not explaining it, because they do not know what is—or whether there is—a purpose for your life. Educators are not teaching it, because no one can teach what he himself has not been taught. Scientists do not speak to this subject, because it lies outside their field. Moralists are ignorant of it—and so are the theologians of all the world’s supposed “great religions.” These religions have collectively failed a world that was counting on them for deliverance from the misery besetting all civilization.
But this ignorance has been no more evident than in the misunderstood and largely unknown purposes of sex and marriage. Believing himself to be merely the highest of the animals in an evolutionary chain, man has remained in the dark, completely unable to see a reason for sex, or for human beings existing as men and women. Yet, there is an awesome purpose for humanity collectively—and you personally—and, when fully understood, it is inseparable from the purposes of sex and the marriage institution.
It is crucial to understand that it was necessary to write this volume with several early chapters laying the all-important foundation for vital information—the unknown dimension of sex—that can only be grasped after the reader has been prepared for it.
The nations of the world possess a vast sum of knowledge, and this fund of knowledge increases daily, but they are ignorant of the right kind of knowledge—spiritually revealed knowledge. This is because the modern system of education is morally and spiritually bankrupt!
Deluded educators have been biased against God and His Word by having had the atheistic teaching of evolution funneled into their minds from childhood. They have taught young people for decades that there are “no absolutes” and that they must follow “situation ethics” in all circumstances—and these young people have grown up into what are now several generations from which the world’s leaders have come.
These misguided educators have led the world into a kind of secular humanism—one in which people are driven by how they feel rather than clear definitions of right and wrong! This has led to a level of immorality and kinds of perversion perhaps rarely before seen in history. But there is right and wrong in life—and the educators of this world have cut themselves off from this knowledge (Isa. 59:1-2). Again, they cannot teach what they were never taught. And neither could their parents—who were also indoctrinated in the same false thinking—teach them what was missing in their education.
The problem is self-perpetuating—and worsening!
The pagan doctrine of the immortality of the soul, derived by ancient philosophers, has played a huge role in the idea that sex is shameful—evil—and is to be repressed as something exclusively of the flesh and contrary to the supposed pristine, pure soul “trapped” inside the evil “prison house” of the body.
This world’s churches have kept humanity steeped in traditional pagan philosophies and teachings that have deceived the world for millennia. All the world’s religions have ignored the great spiritual principle of cause and effect that governs every aspect of life. They have all neglected to teach true spiritual values—and that there is a vital, inspired Instruction Book from Almighty God that contains special knowledge, unattainable anywhere else. This largely ignored book explains that there is a great spiritual law that, when obeyed, brings all the good things that every human being seeks.
Confused by the conflicting influences of blinded religious leaders and deceived educators, the masses have been permitted to put the pursuit of sex for pleasure at or near the pinnacle of all human goals. At the same time, large numbers of others have unnecessarily languished under the repression of sex for any purpose.
The results have been terrible—the fruits absolutely devastating and most tragic to whole generations who have experienced a host of awful consequences almost too many to enumerate.
We live in an age when everyone is an “expert.” Newspapers, magazines, television and radio programs are filled with people offering their opinions about everything! Every problem, social issue or important current event confronting society now seems to command the view of journalists, scientists, psychologists, educators and every conceivable kind of self-styled or self-appointed “authority” on the subject. Of course, politicians now also enter virtually every debate, because, increasingly, government is expected to solve every problem men can create. But these men are also without answers, and government intervention only seems to complicate matters.
Invariably, these supposed experts disagree with one another—and this is because few even remotely consider what God thinks!
Though many are questioning marriage, only God can reveal its purpose. Now understand. There is certainly nothing wrong with questioning marriage. In fact, everyone should ask the questions that the “authorities” ask, but cannot answer. The problem is that these “authorities” do not even understand the little you have read so far, let alone all that will follow. Again, this is because they look to evolution as the origin of the human race!
Consider however. Evolutionists are stymied by—actually trapped within!—the boundaries of their theory. They see no greater reason for the birth of a human than for a puppy or a giraffe. If, as they assert, human beings are merely the highest of animals, and products of blind, dumb evolution, it is impossible for them to simultaneously believe in an overarching or transcendent, God-ordained purpose for human life. The two positions are opposites. No one can honestly accept both!
Though often of exceptional intelligence, the evolutionist’s dependence on human reasoning, accompanied by his rejection of revealed knowledge, leaves him utterly incapable of knowing God’s awesome purpose for humanity. He has literally shut himself out of true understanding!
Evolutionists do not know—they simply do not and cannot know the purpose of sex.
Yet, if human beings are products of mere evolution, how and when did the tradition of marriage begin? Since evolution teaches that human beings are the highest form of “animal,” we must ask, if this were true, when did pre-humans—or near-humans—or almost-humans—begin to marry? And how did the two sexes come to be? This introduces the greatest question of all that confronts evolutionists. How could these extraordinary parts of the human anatomy—which exist with such precision and function—possibly have evolved? It is ludicrous to think, or even suggest, that this could have happened slowly, over millions of years. How did offspring survive, or even come to be, until the amazing mechanisms of sex could be perfected—in other words, were fully formed—and in no less than millions of species of animals, as well? Evolutionists simply cannot answer these questions.
The reader will learn the complete folly of evolutionary thinking as per the obvious design of these organs in both male and female, and see the creative brilliance of God in its place. It will also be understood that there is a wonderful, transcendent purpose attached to these differences.
Returning to marriage, evolutionists can, at best, merely suppose that man (God is ruled out), at some point in the distant past, devised the idea to “get married.” Naturally, they could not, therefore, see any special purposes or reasons attached to sex other than producing offspring.
Many professing “Christians” claim to follow the Bible, while at the same time believing the theory of evolution. However, most of these never think through and examine their beliefs, including the origin of these beliefs—how they came to hold them. Consider that, while saying that they believe in a Creator, they reject the Genesis account as literal. This forces them to draw the same conclusion as evolutionists about the how and when of marriage. They cannot see that “GOD created” human beings “male and female” (1:27).
But there is an altogether different side of this coin. Recognize again that it has been traditional Christianity that has taught that celibacy—remaining unmarried—is a “higher” state of existence. This supposes that marriage, and of course sex within marriage, is purely for the purpose of procreation—having children and propagating the human race.
This presents a very big problem.
Consider again. All mammals reproduce in exactly the same way. This is a fact of nature. Yet, none of them marry. And human beings and animals are also different in practically every other way. Now, if having children is the only purpose for marriage—or sex—then why should human beings marry? If they are merely the highest of the animals and, once again, sex and marriage have no other purpose but procreation, then marriage is a meaningless waste of time.
Do you see the point? Understanding the purposes—the all-important unknown dimension—of sex “connects the dots” to marriage, and then on to the purposes of marriage itself. Because men have been unable to, and actually cannot, discern them, the purposes and right use of sex, and that it belongs only in marriage, must then be divinely revealed.
Take the point further—and consider this. If celibacy is the highest form of human existence, and sex is only for procreation, it would seem to be much better for unmarried people to only come together for procreation, before returning to celibacy. Remember, most professing Christians (well over one billion) are also taught that all birth control is wrong! This belief derives from the “sex-is-dirty-and-only-for-procreation” idea.
Do you see the logic? If traditional religion is correct, and sex is solely for procreation—and if celibacy is a higher state of being—then marriage has absolutely no value. And make no mistake, there is plenty of reproduction taking place without marriage (now one in three births, just in America). Understanding the God-ordained reasons for sex, then, eliminates much ignorance and confusion about marriage.
Orthodox, traditional Christianity, completely deceived on nearly every biblical point, has utterly failed its followers—and the world—by teaching the fallacies we have just described. It has done no better than the rest of the world’s religions. Sadly, when it comes to sex, marriage and celibacy, most believe the falsehoods of deceived men who claim to be God’s representatives, but who know little or nothing of His true teachings.
The Bible is written by One professing to be God. This “One” leaves no doubt as to His authority and power, and that He created everything. Here is His declaration and challenge to all skeptics: “I am the Eternal, and there is none else, there is no God beside Me...Thus says the Eternal, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker, ask Me of things to come concerning My sons, and concerning the work of My hands command you Me. I have made the earth, and created man upon it: I, even My hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded” (Isa. 45:5, 11-12).
This statement is not ambiguous. If we are to accept the Bible, God establishes Himself as the One who has authority to answer life’s biggest questions!
In the same passage, God continues to establish Himself as the Author of the Genesis 1 creation account: “For thus says the Eternal that created the heavens; God Himself that formed the earth and made it...I am the Eternal; and there is none else...who has declared this from ancient time? Who has told it from that time? Have not I the Eternal? And there is no God else beside Me...I have sworn by Myself, the word is gone out of My mouth in righteousness, and shall not return, that unto Me every knee shall bow...” (vs. 18-23).
There is no ambiguity here! These are very strong words. They are either true or false—they cannot be both. You need to know which it is, because all who are unwilling to investigate—to even consider—what God says will one day be required to “bow the knee” before the God they rejected (also Phil. 2:10). Since sex is such a big part of the human experience and existence—and has become the very centerpiece of so many lives today—the God of the Bible would have much to say about its use and purposes, and whether it is for exclusive use in marriage.
It is possible to prove that God exists and that the Bible is His Word—His divinely-inspired Manual for how to live. (You may read our series of books and booklets available to prove that the One who speaks from the pages of the Bible has authority—and that the Bible is, in fact, God’s Word. Fulfilled prophecy, referenced above, is only one of the proofs of the Bible’s divine inspiration that our material discusses. Also, we have carefully prepared extensive material proving the folly of evolution and the truth of God’s existence. This literature augments this volume.)
This book is written for those who will consider what Almighty God instructs, not for the unwilling. God reveals that marriage and sex have a marvelous purpose completely beyond the bounds of human imagination. After hearing God’s explanation, you be the judge of whether it makes more sense than that which is offered by evolutionists and traditional Christianity.
Remember, if you will not accept God’s revealed Word, you are left with no choice but to be ignorant of how and when marriage began, and of the purposes of sex. You must accept that marriage is either a human invention on the road of evolution, or the falsehood of religion—that it is for no purpose other than procreation because celibacy is a “higher calling.” These are your only options! With either, the marvelous answers available here, to the great questions of marriage and sex, remain shrouded in mystery.
The world has been devoid of right values—true values, which would have brought it to enjoy every wonderful and good thing that a loving God could give to His creation. God is a parent. And like human parents with their children, He has wanted His children to enjoy all the good things that He could provide for them.
The problem is that God’s children have ingested false values, having wandered out of the “house” and into the “neighborhood,” where they absorbed the thinking of different “parents.” For generations, humanity has sought the wrong goals, it has had the wrong purposes in mind. Even though it has reaped a host of wrong results, and pain of every imaginable sort, it has not sought to examine the faulty foundation upon which it stands—wrong values!
Not long ago, none could have dreamed that so many today would be choosing a variety of “alternative lifestyles,” and that many centuries of basic marriage values and customs would be under attack—challenged, lampooned and ridiculed as hopelessly out-of-date. With many abandoning the once-sacred institution of marriage, and the now near wholesale loss of traditional values, many are left confused, not knowing where to turn for answers.
Why is all of this happening?
The Bible is filled with true doctrines. Each has a well-established counterpart—a substitute—a clever counterfeit—that has been largely accepted by the orthodox Christian world. These include the gospel, the nature of salvation, punishment in the afterlife, which day of the week Christians should keep holy, observance of men’s holidays or God’s Holy Days, and many others of God’s doctrines or teachings. Each requires one to not only learn the truth of what is being studied, but to also unlearn the common, popular errors taught about it.
It is the same with marriage and sex. Recognize that you have been trained—actually conditioned—in wrong knowledge and values. Not only do you need to learn the truth of when and why sex, and its vital, hidden role in marriage, but you have to be prepared to unlearn all of the error that has been pumped into you about them. You must be reconditioned to the truth about this subject. As you would with any other Bible teaching, this means that you must be prepared to wash your mind from all assumptions, error and wrong thinking.
Mr. Armstrong’s book contained explicit drawings and diagrams. So does this one—but only in hardcopy. This is because the online version is publicly posted on our website and is therefore available to those under 18 years of age. In addition, there are more (and very detailed) manuals now available than ever before, reducing the need for such illustrations. The hope is that all parents who read this book in hardcopy will teach from it and give it to their teenagers.
A couple of points to consider before continuing. The reader may be familiar with the fact that I have written a number of books, booklets and brochures that speak with clarity—and God’s authority—to the many different aspects of marriage, sex, the family, childrearing, dating and courtship, and other related topics. If you have not, it is hoped that you will take the time to explore all that we offer. Some are mentioned in context within the book and others are found in a list of related, available literature, located at the back.
Also, there are some few paragraphs that are basically repeated between related publications for help in a different context. These brief overlaps are important to what is being covered. (And it is vital that the reader remember that this volume is a companion to my thorough book Dating and Courtship – God’s Way, and recognize that each is incomplete without the other.)
Before examining what God reveals about the hidden, missing dimension in sex and marriage, we must first take a long look at the problems that misunderstanding this vital dimension has brought to the world as a whole. The reader will be much better prepared for the chapters that follow—much more ready to comprehend what has not been known to the vast majority.
The sexual revolution of the latter twentieth century changed the entire world—and not for the better. During this period, the idea of “sex without boundaries” did, in fact, escalate beyond all bounds. The advent of cable television, the Internet and the vast expanse of every conceivable kind of pornographic website that it offers, and the ease with which adult videos can be obtained, have helped spread the mindset that all sex is good—in or out of marriage.
Barriers everywhere have dropped—and are still dropping as they near a complete collapse on all fronts. Seemingly, every day establishes new lows in immorality, perversion, debauchery and “anything goes” when it comes to sexual habits and appetites. Experimentation and indulgence have become the norm. Most today have come to believe that free sex of every conceivable kind, with the same or opposite sex—or both—is a simple matter of personal preference. It is as though there is no longer the slightest concern about whether sexual activity is right or wrong. Vast millions have come to believe that achieving sexual pleasure in any setting, for any purpose, and involving any kind of experimentation or activity (and this includes any number of men and women participating in a single sexual episode) is perfectly acceptable—and is now, at least unconsciously, even seen to be a kind of human “right” of sorts.
By every older human standard and definition of morality—not to mention what God teaches!—sexual values in the early twenty-first century are infinitely worse than a mere fifty years ago. Words like “disgusting, sickening, shocking” and “revolting” come to mind when one looks across the world at what is now seen to be almost normal conduct, at least in the eyes of young people. Even the bestiality more common in ancient times is quietly reappearing. It is not too early to ask: How soon before this perverse evil becomes at least tacitly accepted by society?
God foretold that in the “last days...men shall be...lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” and “without natural affection” (II Tim. 3:1-4). In the age of gross materialism, mixed with rank hedonism, the three “L’s” of leisure, luxury and license have come to dominate the thinking of whole societies and nations.
Of course, God is certainly not against enjoyment, which includes many kinds of pleasure, and obviously sex is perhaps chief among them. But He declares of our wanton, lascivious age, through the Old Testament prophet Jeremiah, that “Every one neighed after his neighbor’s wife” (5:8). And then there is His now almost completely forgotten Seventh Commandment—“Thou shall not commit adultery”—that is being routinely ignored by great numbers who then, as professing Christians, turn right around each week and go to church. As one preacher so aptly put it: “Most people sow wild oats all week, and then go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.”
The Bible is filled with scriptures—literally scores of passages—describing the sexual saturation of wrong conduct and wrong thinking in the modern age. God pulls no punches in labeling many different kinds of sexual behavior as sin. These will be examined more closely at the end of this chapter.
Again, before we can understand all that God teaches about the true purposes of sex, we must examine what is occurring today. This will require more than a superficial view if we are to grasp just how bad it is in light of what God instructs.
Adultery is now rampant in all Western nations, with 83 percent of American households experiencing—and afflicted by—adultery, being committed by either one or both mates. The suffering of all kinds connected just to illicit sex by married people is staggering to consider. At what point will we find 90 percent—95 percent—or even 100 percent—of couples no longer faithful in marriage?
The widespread practice of adulterous “pleasure marriages” has grown stronger in the Middle East and is also quickly regaining popularity in the new, democratic Iraq. This is the custom of men marrying several so-called “widows” for the sole purpose of sex outside marriage, but done under the guise of taking care of women in need. In addition, because of China’s explosion of economic prosperity, adultery in that country has grown so widespread that there are now tens of thousands of private investigators whose sole task is to track and report the marital infidelity of wealthy executives whose wives doubt their faithfulness. Incredibly, only one in 100 is found to be faithful! Then there are the various cultures of Europe, where having a mistress has long been considered a badge of honor—and wives willingly accept the status quo.
But conditions have gone far beyond simple adultery, which is wrong enough and terribly damaging. Recognize that the very worst kinds of perversion and sick, degenerate practices in modern society cannot even be discussed in this book. Here is why: “For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret” (Eph. 5:12). Again, we will momentarily discuss in more detail certain of these things—where we can. But it is important to bear in mind that the very worst things that are happening in the sexual arena throughout society are necessarily excluded from this book.
Most modern societies have been forced by militant social radicals to embrace the concept of political correctness. This mindset permits all people to live whatever lifestyle—including “alternative” ones—that they choose, as long as they can rationalize that “it doesn’t hurt anyone else.” Such tolerance was rarely, or possibly never, known before this age. Virtually everyone and everything that people do is now tolerated with little question. Of course, the arrival of the personal computer has helped spawn this era of tolerance, and we will momentarily explain how.
Pleasure and betterment for the self are the main goals and hopes of most people. In this vein, great numbers would argue that, if they are only hurting themselves, they should have the right to experiment and enjoy whatever they please. But is all this self-pleasure leading toward real betterment of lives?
To some, the world exists in a state that appears to be improving. Great achievements in science, technology, medicine and economics have led to advancements of every kind imaginable. As problems and troubles arise, man seems unlimited in his ability to solve them. But is he really solving them? Are the inevitable wounds of advancement being healed by technology?
It has been said that the total fund of human knowledge doubles annually. Is all this information improving society? Is it allowing humanity to make better choices? Are human beings, as “informed” people, better off than the “ignorant and uneducated” masses of previous centuries?
One of the greatest areas in which knowledge has flourished is that of sex. A plethora of information—and “instruction”—is now available. But has this avalanche of information enabled human beings to make better decisions in their sexual practices?
Has the almost total pursuit of “better sex” and just plain more sex improved social conditions or solved personal problems—has it stemmed the tsunami tide of all the negative effects that hurt and destroy so many lives? Or is it making things worse?
Most people never stop to examine the depth to which sex permeates almost every facet of society. One can no longer turn on the television (and this applies to almost all movies as well) without finding a program that has at least sexual undertones—but more often blatant messages! Magazines, beginning with the cover, are literally filled with photos, stories and features that would shock even the most liberal-minded of past generations.
Just the sheer emphasis on number of articles about sex in these magazines is overwhelming. For instance, how many have been written with titles such as “Ten Ways to Please Her (or Him),” or “Twelve Bedroom Secrets to Use on Him (or Her),” or “Six Tips to Know When to...”, etc.?
And, again, there is now also the Internet, and its online magazines, which offer a veritable buffet—an astonishing smorgasbord—of incredible sexual perversions, titillations, venues and “activities.”
The world is filled with many avenues of recreation—with many being merely escapism—especially in the Western world. Television, movies, dance clubs, bars and the Internet allow people to escape their daily lives or to meet others who share similar interests. By far, the most effective of these is the Internet. Never has it been so easy for so many to reach those who share similar interests—no matter how extreme.
The Internet literally has “something for everyone.” For instance, if you are interested in flying model airplanes, or stamp collecting, and have recently moved to a new city, the Internet permits you to find others in your area who share your interest. While these pursuits are harmless, with the click of a mouse, one can just as easily find people who are interested in pedophilia!
The Internet is the ultimate form of full-information access without regard to age or purpose. How it is used, and how sex has dominated this medium, is astonishing.
Never before could someone who was “curious” about same-sex relationships (or any other kind of sexual practice) find a partner to explore that curiosity in such an open and encouraged forum—and almost instantly. In the same way, children are now exposed—often without their parents’ knowledge—to predators of every kind, who could be across the world or just next door.
Such “windows” within society now exist for anyone who is even a little bit computer savvy.
But where does society itself now stand? Collectively, what is happening to children and the family? Are these things really having an effect on society? Is this public fascination with sex actually changing how we act, think and live? What about children? Does the explosion of sex-related material taught in schools and presented by the media have positive or negative effects on them?
As part of political correctness, psychologists have suggested that children need the “seeds of tolerance” planted in them, beginning at an early age, to allow them to blossom into “well-rounded, open-minded”—and “tolerant”—adults. The result has been that many school curriculums have been altered to allow alternative lifestyles and viewpoints to be expressed, very often without the parents’ permission or even knowledge. Strict neutrality is maintained in the presentation. Taking a position is condemned as making a “moral judgment.”
Such seeds of knowledge have no chance of sprouting into a better, more tolerant society. In reality, this “re-education” of children today has come at a heavy price.
In today’s world, it is common, even expected, to lose one’s virginity by age 16. However, this is almost tame in comparison to the problems in middle schools throughout America. Instead of learning math and English, reports regularly appear about students caught having oral sex in school, or even in the classroom itself. Outside school, this practice is now generally considered to be at epidemic levels—and it has actually become common—even fashionable—for middle school children to have “oral sex parties” because they have been taught that “there is no danger of getting pregnant!” (What is reported to actually occur at these parties simply cannot be mentioned in this book.)
Over half of all American teenagers between 15 and 19 report that they engage in oral sex, with this number rising to seven out of ten for those aged 18 or 19. But these were the statistics in 2002. What are they several years later? And recognize that young people report that the use of oral sex is their way of remaining virgins. Incredible!
How bad have things become? It is reported that in a major metropolitan area, one in every seven girls now regularly masturbates on the bus to and from school—with no thought or concern about whether or how many boys are watching!
Fifth grade graduation parties often feature children involved in so-called “freak dancing”—a form of dancing in which participants simulate the sex act while keeping their clothes on. Is it any wonder then that young adults in their late teens and early twenties find it easy to go on to “raves”—a far worse form of party in which vast quantities of alcohol and drugs are mixed with free sex? This merely becomes the next natural step for ever-growing numbers who crave acceptance in whatever is the next trend.
Preoccupation with being “sexy” is now starting even younger. The long popular “Barbie” doll has recently introduced a version called “Lingerie Barbie.” Although the manufacturer stated that this Barbie is for girls age 14 and up, the average market for Barbie is ages 8 to 12. The product description shows how children are forced to confront sexuality issues: “Barbie exudes a flirtatious attitude in her heavenly merry widow bustier ensemble accented with intricate lace and matching peekaboo peignoir.”
Of course, it takes little imagination to see what the obvious message is here. And no one has to wonder whether that message is being received.
Here is a worse message: A young college student reported to us that a professor in one of her classes stated that she did not wish to “decide” the gender of her child, so she dressed it in yellow—not pink or blue—so that the child would feel completely free to decide its own sex without any kind of “pressure” from the mother. Astonishing!—but this is the world of today, a world where such “professors” (the above was a gender studies professor) are permitted to teach tomorrow’s husbands and wives, and mothers and fathers!
One market that seems to have no concept of childhood is that of fashion. It seems that, if you want sex to sell, you must start with the very young, as this quote from ABC News demonstrates: “A fake lizard miniskirt...boots and fishnet stockings...If you think it’s the wardrobe of a 20-something, think again!” The report went on to explain that this is in the closet of a five-year-old!
Reading racy books has become a widespread trend among younger teens (and even earlier), particularly girls. The emphasis in them is on either fantasy or pure smut. Why is this not being connected to 10 million STDs among teens in 2004 alone, one half the national total?
Magazines for teenagers promote a level of sex obsession never seen before, with article titles such as “Boyfriend Gave Me Herpes” or “Sex Slang Explained” or “My Affair With Teacher” filling them. Girls as young as nine are reading such promiscuity-glamorizing magazines. With the latter title in mind, a survey reveals that one in ten American students have had sexual contact with school employees.
Society has also become completely obsessed with the idea of being beautiful—that a person’s attractiveness, and to a large degree one’s worth, is connected to physical beauty. This kind of thinking is primarily affecting girls but is also having an effect on boys. Everywhere one looks—television, magazines, Hollywood and advertisements—the look is the same, that of the “beautiful people” being the ones who get to enjoy the good things in life, who receive life’s rewards.
How far has this thinking gone?
Another British newspaper, The Daily Telegraph, carried an article “My Daughter Wants Surgery to Her Thighs, Eyes and Nose...She is 13.” This article depicted ten very attractive, scantily-clad, wanton-looking teenage girls and young women with supposedly “perfect” bodies posing in a picture as its centerpiece. The intent was to give the reader an idea of what large numbers of girls today are seeking to look like. It went on to report that little girls as young as five now believe that they have to be slim to be popular.
In ever greater numbers, children of such tender ages are reported to be unhappy with their bodies, and developing eating disorders as a result—with more now wanting surgery. In a growing tragedy of untold proportions, entire childhoods are being lost to foolish obsessions with vanity. And no one has any idea what to do about it.
Society’s current extreme emphasis on physical beauty—“being gorgeous”—has played more than a small role in the explosion of illicit sex around the world, and we have barely scratched the surface here of what is happening!
It is foretold to grow worse.
Children are supposed to be childlike—and innocent—throughout childhood! They should feel largely carefree, and happily enjoying this wonderful time of life.
Sexuality should never enter a child’s thinking. Yet, today’s children are constantly bombarded with—actually force-fed from all directions—images and products that push them into being sexy, into thinking thoughts once reserved exclusively for adults. Twelve- to fourteen-year-old girls feel driven to have relationships—to go steady—which then almost immediately brings pressure on them to be willing to perform oral sex on their young boyfriends. Again, no one has any idea what to do about it.
It is no wonder then that many in this age group of teen girls have adopted what has become the trendy practice of roving in small packs prowling for sex, dressed like streetwalkers and behaving like wolves—predators!—looking for prey. This is not overstated.
The sexualization of children has spawned a generation of adults who have either delved into or become familiar with every perversion under the sun. Relationships have also become twisted and perverted, with young people now involving themselves in forms of sex-related conduct and types of sex-related language that are so vile as to boggle the mind of those just one generation older. This state of affairs has devastated countless marriages, which are now more likely to end in divorce than not.
And yet again, the Internet has played a major role in this. An American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers survey recently showed that in the last 12 months, Internet-related “issues” caused a stunning 62 percent of all divorce cases. From meeting partners for affairs, to delving into perversions once suppressed or addiction to pornography, families are being destroyed by the now “immoral fiber” that has become pervasive in almost every nation in the West.
If studies show that over 80 percent of marriages in the U.S. have an unfaithful partner, then recognize that children learn by example. What example is being set? Children who are abused tend to become abusers. By extension, children of openly promiscuous parents take on the practices and character of their parents. Why is no one able to connect this kind of conduct in parents to the statistic that one-half of all girls in America under 16 are not virgins—or that some teenage girls now proudly wear buttons to school declaring “I love my vagina” or “vaginas rock”?
Now recognize that the nations where Christianity was once almost exclusively the religion of choice—and tens of millions are still attending churches in these countries—is where the worst part of all this is happening! Again, how could this be if those believed to be spiritual authorities were doing their job?
Directly related to this, student dress codes in schools of all levels are under assault, and are collapsing, everywhere. What can only be described as a state of war—and it has been called this in the media—now exists between students and their teachers, who are seen to be “fashion police,” merely for trying to keep schools from looking like a training class for brothels.
While boys focus on looking as disgusting and degenerate as they can possibly look—wearing extremely baggy pants, often with the belt riding underneath the buttocks so that most of the underwear will show, and the crotch of the pants actually riding at the knee level or lower—young girls try to look as sensual and seductive as possible. First, their necklines are now way too low while the bottom of the blouse is cut extremely high. Then, similarly, extremely high hemlines, coupled with very low waistlines, are turning skirts into little more than wide belts, with many girls also wearing obviously visible thong underwear. Certainly, fashion designers are only too happy to push the envelope on raunchy trends, if it will help them make more profit.
Of course, this is not the only place where emphasis on profit margin drives the thinking. Every sales marketer understands the adage that “Sex sells!” Virtually every advertising representative understands that he almost has to incorporate lust, sensuality, suggestive dancing and body language—and a lot of skin!—into his advertisements in order to “move product.” No worldly businessman today worth his salt would dream of ignoring this plain “market reality”—no matter that he is pandering to the very basest desires of human nature, or that he could be partly responsible for contributing to sky-rocketing divorce rates and levels of premarital sex.
In effect, as goes the saying, “It’s about the money.”
Masturbation, long a problem in society, but always considered to be at so-called “acceptable” levels, has grown to be an epidemic of almost unimaginable proportion among young people today. Again, media emphasis through magazine articles, pornography, and even as a direct result of sex “education” in schools, has elevated this problem into an obsession for millions.
Masturbation has almost come to be a kind of “civil right” of sorts to young people and single adults, with vast numbers today literally consumed with it and willing to freely talk about it, including with the opposite sex, as easily as they would “What’s for dinner?”
Gone are the days when anyone is told that guilt is associated with this activity. Modern “sexual psychologists” describe it as just one more way in which one may “explore himself.” Pornographic websites seem to stress this new social obsession.
But there are even more extreme forms of behavior happening in the home. Just as addiction to soft drugs leads to heavier drug use, experimenting with pornography leads to other perversions. Many couples are also delving into alternative lifestyles.
Now becoming more popular across the West is the concept known as “swinging.” This social trend takes a host of different forms, and still seems to be evolving. In these encounters, couples meet other couples in group sessions, and each will then trade partners! The night could include several people of both sexes together in one room, or even several separate episodes with different partners—I repeat, in the same night! At the end of the evening, the married couples reunite and discuss what each did and “learned” from each encounter.
Contrary to every purpose of God, this truly appalling practice may be the single most damaging thing that can occur in any marriage, and it invariably leads to even more destructive activities.
In the end, no marriage is remotely strong enough to survive the kind of moral, emotional, psychological and mental perversion—disguised as so-called “freedom”—that couples introduce each other to when they enter this practice.
Imagine the awful confusion a child would experience if exposed to such blatant sexual debauchery and confusion in the home! What chance would he or she have to ever achieve a right relationship in marriage?
A whole generation of young people has virtually been left to fend for itself when it comes to discerning the rights and wrongs about sexual activity. Never have so many known so little about what is so important—when so much is at stake—and when virtually none are telling them the correct answers—the solutions to wrong sexual trends and conditions.
Under the guise of neutral presentation of basic information about sex—“sex education”—most teenagers and children are given bits and fragments of knowledge and then have simply been left to explore and figure things out for themselves, with absolutely no hint, inkling or clue of where they can get real help—where they can find a road map to the right destination. Never mind what IS the right destination.
Of course, most seem to no longer want any help, and this is but the first step out of the labyrinth of confusion!
In an effort to provide information to help make the “correct” sexual choices, better judgment—or really any judgment—has been left behind. Imagine giving detailed instructions to a terrorist on how, when and where to plant a nuclear weapon. Then imagine that, after such a weapon is detonated, we deduce that the solution is to give such terrorists more information—with even more detail. No one would suggest such a ridiculous idea!
Yet, every day, children and teens are being given what they need to commit a similar moral catastrophe—both in their own lives and in the lives of others. Vast quantities of undigested information is being pumped indiscriminately into young people. This is done without telling them how to be careful so they do not “blow themselves up” with wrong uses of sex—and take others with them.
Before continuing in Chapter Three, let’s at least briefly review what God describes about sex and basic human nature, if left to itself. Each of the following passages contains a list of the worst qualities of human nature. Notice how many times sex-related sins and perversions are referenced, and usually listed first.
The apostle Paul repeatedly described the kinds of behavior that will disqualify people from receiving eternal life in the kingdom of God. He wrote almost every congregation that he worked with, warning specifically of these things. He said this to the Galatians: “Now the works of the flesh are manifest [Grk: “obvious”—and they are!], which are these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God” (5:19-21).
Paul also recorded this: “Mortify [put to death] therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence [wrong desire, lust], and covetousness, which is idolatry: for which things’ sake the wrath of god comes on the children of disobedience” (Col. 3:5-6).
These are powerful indictments!
Speaking of the true Christian who has come out of what is today’s typical lifestyle, the apostle Peter wrote this: “That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God. For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings [wild parties], and abominable idolatries: wherein they think it strange that you run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you” (I Pet. 4:2-4).
How many today do, in fact, live lives that could only be described as a non-stop “riot”?
Now here is what Christ Himself said when describing the basic elements of the human nature found within every person: “That which comes out of the man, that defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness” (Mark 7:20-22).
One final, longer passage from Paul is important to read. Notice that the problem begins with men recognizing that they are rejecting God’s authority over them: “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified Him not as God...Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools” (Rom. 1:21-22).
The context continues with what resulted: “Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves...God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness...without natural affection...” (vs. 24, 26-29, 31).
These passages carry a stunning message. God takes very seriously the misuse for personal indulgence of one’s body, given solely for His Supreme Purpose. Yet, what you have seen in this chapter alone reveals that God has, in fact, given the world over to vile and unnatural affections.
The result?—He declares that His wrath will come on a generation who so willingly yielded to satisfying wrong appetites!
But there is much, much more to understand about the modern sex-permeated world. The next chapter is, in one sense, an extension of the last. The reader must recognize that never in history has mankind more botched and butchered even the once at least generally-recognized basics of sexual conduct, both prior to marriage and in marriage.
Chapter Three is even more plain!
In Chapter Two, I referenced a prophecy recorded in II Timothy mentioning the “last days,” and describing the terrible breakdown of character that would accompany this time. This requires a closer look.
In Matthew 24, Jesus warned His disciples that the end of the age would reflect “Noah’s day” (vs. 37). This warning is repeated in two of the other gospels. Genesis 6 reveals that early period of history to have been a time so bad that there had occurred a complete breakdown of values and character throughout the world.
Of course, most ridicule this account as mere Hebrew literature—symbolism and allegory. For those who recognize that the events it describes actually happened, God could only find eight people He was willing to save in the Ark. The awful conditions extant in the pre-flood world brought God’s decision to literally start over with this tiny few.
In Luke 17, Christ repeats the warning that the modern age before His Return would reflect the “days of Noah.” He added here that the moral decadence, degeneration and appalling perversion at the end of the age would become so extreme that it would parallel conditions in Sodom and Gomorrah when God had to destroy those cities with fire and brimstone (vs. 29-30).
Again, as had happened before the Great Flood, conditions had sunk to the point that this time only three people would be permitted to escape God’s wrath upon these cities!
This time foretold by Christ has come upon the world, and the worst aspect of the prophesied character breakdown in the modern age is that of the endless pursuit of illicit sex in every forum of society.
Titanic, catastrophic changes lie ahead for the whole world. There has been a cause for what is coming—but few are seeking to discover it. Many will soon wish they had.
The modern dating scene has become little more than a quest for physical gratification through sex with near strangers. Getting a date now largely means setting a date for sex. This is the central goal in almost all dating and is virtually expected of the other—as well as being seen by those who engage in it as little more than having a cup of coffee. Of course, no one should be even a little surprised by this because most television programs that depict dating are brimming with sexual innuendos and overtones. The object of all such programs eventually comes back to sex—who is going to “score.”
Many dates today are born in environments that revolve around sex, drinking, loud music and a poorly lit atmosphere, such as dance clubs and singles bars. With women dressed in sexually suggestive clothing—often also reflecting what could only be described by reasonable people as freakish, weird and garish—and both men and women employing well-honed body language, including signals and codes that have become their own language, sex is the game. The goal is to play and win this game over and over again. Millions are involved!
Conversations in such environments lack depth—are actually incredibly shallow—and can only be described as filthy, coarse, rude, gross, generally insulting and foolish, consisting of various patented one-liners, again, all designed to help people toward the sole purpose for which they went to such clubs: to prowl—to successfully troll—for sex. And there seems to be little or no difference between the approach of men and women. Gone are the days when men were almost exclusively the aggressors.
The word “relationship” has no real meaning in modern dating. Neither does “courting.” Virtually all forms of etiquette, manners and refinement have gone by the board—completely forgotten—in today’s world of signals, symbols and feelings. All the old standards and guidelines have disappeared, and with them have gone any sense of right and wrong practices between the sexes. Truly, anything goes.
People from two generations ago simply cannot grasp—and are not really even aware of—the prevailing environment today. Even those of just one generation ago have difficulty relating to today’s dating scene.
Many programs about sex also abound on the dizzying array of available cable television channels—of course, all for a significant price that great numbers seem only too willing to pay. These directly contribute to the idea that sex is free to all who are smart enough to engage in it without any kind of strings attached. Viewers can learn about sadomasochism, bondage, body painting, piercing and tattooing, but programs also offer an endless array of concepts attached to sex that are practiced all over the world. People can also learn about every conceivable kind of fetish and sex game without ever having to leave their living rooms.
The “pay-per-view” channels, available 24 hours a day, offer things that many people could not dream of, and would have difficulty believing if it was explained to them—and which could not be discussed in this book without violating Ephesians 5:12. What are common practices today have literally surpassed comprehension. Suffice to say, these channels routinely take the viewer down corridors of sexual activity that are so dark and awful that it is helpful to know that they exist, but to also recognize that there is no redeeming value whatever to discussing them in any detail—or ever viewing them!
Then there is the wildly popular program watched by tens of millions today about housewives who are “desperate” for sexual encounters anywhere they can find them. The picture created by this program is one of a society abounding with bored, attractive, cheating wives, with time, money—and a multitude of lusts!—on their hands, in neighborhood environments filled with opportunity. This utterly blatant sex-laced program, and so many others like it, go a long way to deepening society’s descent into the cesspool of immorality. Before that came the even more popular program featuring four women pursuing every possible occasion for “sex in the city.”
Here is one example of what it can lead to.
There are the growing number of college girls today who use the Internet, through use of a “dorm cam,” to display their “wares,” and their private “activities” with their boyfriends and roommates, to the public—for a price. Why? Many of them actually portray themselves as basically normal college girls who, as millions before them, have a “job” on the side to help them earn their way through college—“pick up a little extra money.”
Absolutely incredible—but now beginning to be more common than most could imagine!
Then there is the endless stream of advertisements permeating television, newspapers and magazines of every kind, and the Internet, about various kinds of sexual boosters—nutritional and other supplements—and even surgical enhancements that are readily available to those seeking to “improve” their sexual “experience” and “performance.” There is absolutely no end of offers promising “better” or more “satisfying” sex. Clinics, treatments, sex videos and offers of information and help are everywhere. These are found every day in the sports pages of almost every larger newspaper throughout the United States and Europe, as are regular ads about all the many local strip clubs now seemingly available everywhere. Of course, these have multiplied in number far beyond the concept of “gentlemen’s clubs” or topless bars, which were bad enough. (Now women are even being told to consider going to strip clubs or to take classes so that they can learn to dance suggestively for their husbands.) The available vast array of these kinds of advertisements tend to open the mind to consider every kind of experimentation under the sun.
Studies have shown that 12- to 17-year-olds who spent years watching large amounts of sexually-suggestive television were twice as apt to become sexually active as those who did not. Should anyone be surprised that gonorrhea afflicts 15- to 19-year-old girls worse than any other age group or segment of the population? No wonder then that it is reported that over one in three people above age 10 (obviously including a great many who have not even reached the teen years), have a sexually-transmitted disease.
Despite all of this sexual activity, 55 percent of those surveyed about sex lack knowledge of even the most basic understanding. Such appalling ignorance comes at a steep price.
With the idea that any kind of relationship is unnecessary, or even a nuisance, a truly horrific new practice has emerged that is sweeping America—hooking up. Also called “no-strings sex,” this no-limits-of-any-kind mindset is best described as “I had a beer last night, I hooked up last night,” as one professor described it. Today’s college campuses are fueled by alcohol, which serves to create a sexually-charged atmosphere in which up to 80 percent of students on many campuses engage in sex with complete strangers, with the prevailing practice being to not even ask the name of their “partner.” The feeling has come to be “It’s just sex. What’s the big deal?” The countless thousands who now do this several nights a week have come to believe there is only a problem if they “catch feelings” for the person with whom they are having sex.
The awful culture of hooking up pictures a generation of morally bankrupt young adults in which the pursuit of sexual conquests—“trophy nights”—could be compared to big game fishermen out on the open ocean, with the engine idling on very low power and the boat moving at low speed, as these “fishermen” troll for “big game” sex. Vast numbers of college students and others now seem to exist for the purpose of moving from one sexual encounter to another.
With condom machines readily available in bathrooms all over most campuses today, and safe-sex lectures routinely given to new freshman students, the unseen message is that sex is inevitable and pretty much everywhere. Of course, the advent of wireless phone technology has enabled individuals to easily find each other and “connect”—hook up—before a night is “lost.”
Author Tom Wolfe describes what is occurring on campuses today as a “sexual carnival.” He states, “It used to be that the worst slut in the world would put on a veneer of innocence or purity. No longer. The girl who is a virgin does not want to be known as a member of the Virgins Club. Sleeping with someone is a sign you’re on the right track today...” He then asks of this generation’s future, “Will husbands and wives think nothing of having little flings on the side?”
Prostitution, legal for a long time in Nevada, was more recently legalized in Germany (2003). Incredibly, because of technicalities in German unemployment law, women have been told that they may have to be prepared to “take a job as a prostitute” to prevent the government from “stopping your benefits.” One wonders how far governments could go. (With prostitution already growing faster than ever, made even worse by legalization, there inevitably comes gambling and crime. No one knows how to address the automatic escalation of these accompanying problems either.)
All of this makes it easy to understand why three to five percent of American adults suffer from what is now referred to as “sex addiction,” supposedly a “mental disorder” requiring “therapy” rather than having received the usual childhood dose of constant instruction about character and self-control. People are no longer being taught that life has real and dangerous pitfalls, with real consequences, and that they should be on the constant lookout for them, instead of merely giving in to the easy, natural human desire and emotion of lust.
Modern society has also been deeply affected by abortion, and this has terribly undermined the institution of marriage and family. Since the mid-twentieth century, the new morality has been molding society, especially the younger, more susceptible minds in other ways that are not as directly connected to wrong sexual practices.
Before the new morality came on the world scene, couples at least generally dated toward and for purposes of marriage, and held a high regard for the institution of marriage. Sexual relations were generally saved for after marriage. Children were considered a blessing, not a curse—as so many now consider them to be in today’s get-based society. Women of just two generations ago would find incomprehensible the idea of having an abortion. Today, the notion of murdering an innocent, defenseless child in order to maintain a career or a single lifestyle seems perfectly reasonable to millions.
Think of abortion this way: Any American born after 1973 is technically a survivor of legalized (mass) murder.
Couples no longer feel that they have to get married, because “so many people are getting divorced, we’ll just live together.” Today, single and married women have the occasional abortion because they cannot handle the stress or responsibility of a child. Because families are so often torn apart through adultery and other domestic problems, and, because of the “tolerance” taught in schools, children are unable to grasp a clear-cut definition of exactly what a family should be—what a normal family should look like. Additionally, the sex education now commonly taught in classrooms, beginning as early as elementary school, serves to encourage teens to have, by the time they graduate from high school, more sexual encounters than they can count. And, of course, most today are not bothering to count. But many others are. For instance, one man on a television talk show described his conquests as having reached “a buck”—meaning 100 or more women!
Regarding sex education, abstinence is typically mocked and made to appear out of fashion. Crude, explicit language is common in such “education” so that the students become desensitized. Homosexuality and lesbianism—now wide open and highly publicized—are made to be things of no concern, as are a host of different kinds of perversions within them. Some “textbooks” actually encourage homosexuality, explaining as did one, “Everyone has homosexual tendencies in one degree or another.” No one should be surprised then to learn that large and growing numbers of teenage girls now think of themselves as “straight,” as having and preferring boyfriends, but also able to enjoy the trendy high school practice of having a lesbian relationship with a female classmate “best friend.”
Also, marriage is often lampooned, but at the subtle level. The student is usually led to believe that Christian values are something that are hopelessly out of date. Of course, contraceptives are discussed in almost excruciating detail, with explicit demonstrations and active participation by students. Incredibly, one teacher had children in his class taste flavored condoms. It requires little imagination to recognize the message this is sending to teenagers. Again, with abstinence the only other option for teenagers facing early exposure to and involvement in sexuality, and with self-control having become the object of subtle, if not open, derision, many default to the idea that dispensing and using condoms are dealing with “reality.”
In fact, in Ohio, advocates of sex education want the state Department of Health to stop all funding of abstinence-only programs. These unbelievably misguided thinkers assert that “there is no clear evidence that abstinence” either “reduces teen pregnancies” or “sexually-transmitted diseases”—that these programs are not “worthwhile.” One high-profile “taskforce” leader declared that “abstinence education spreads misleading or inaccurate information, blurs religion and science, is sexist and disregards homosexuals.”
How long can a society continue if it allows its “leaders” to offer such destructive opinions?
All of this is the new morality—actually amorality—that is being promoted by many in the media and in politics for the purpose of appeasing the degenerating morals of a decadent society, only paralleled by that of ancient Rome.
William J. Bennett (former Secretary of Education in the 1980s during the Reagan administration), in his book The Broken Hearth, writes this insightful statement about the state of sex, marriage and the modern family: “Men and women today can have sex more promiscuously, more casually, and with much lower odds of pregnancy and childbirth. For the first time, on a large scale, sex has been de-linked from both marriage and procreation. The results of this revolutionary shift are all around us, in our homes, on our streets, in the books we read and the movies and television shows we watch. Sexual promiscuity, heterosexual and homosexual alike, is a fact of life, incorporated into the mentality and often then behavior of even the youngest adolescents, and reinforced even by well-meaning adults through programs like the free distribution of condoms in schools. As for the by-product of increased promiscuity, the more measurable ones can be found in high rates of abortion and out-of-wedlock births, as well as the relentless march of sexual diseases both old and new.”
Again, this is the new morality.
In what has now been described as, and openly admitted to be, an all-out cultural war, the idea of monogamy—marriage and faithfulness to one person—is under attack as never before. When star athletes, as did one famous basketball player, openly brag of having had sex with 20,000 women, much is desperately, desperately wrong.
USA Today carried an article (Dec. 16, 2004) explaining how Scandinavian families are forming with one or more children, and with both parents perfectly happy to live an entire life together without ever getting married. It describes an authority there declaring, “The traditional marriage in our society is more and more unusual,” and that, “in Scandinavia, there is no ‘family values’ debate, no soul searching to reverse the upward trend in divorces and separations.”
In other words, the article is declaring that the battle has been lost and that there is no point discussing it further. If people do not know the purpose of marriage, neither do they—nor could they—know the true purposes of sex within marriage.
Consider the declining percentages of those getting married. In 1970, 72 percent of American adults were married; by 1980, it was 66 percent; by 1990, 62 percent; with 60 percent in 2000 and only 59 percent in 2002.
Over time, many laws have been passed defining various kinds of illegal sexual activity, such as cohabitation outside of marriage, but they do little good. For instance, in one southern state, there are now 144,000 couples living together, and thus breaking an 1805 state law forbidding it. But that law goes unenforced. So do many others that could be cited here.
Such is today’s world.
According to what is acceptable in society today, the God-ordained institution of marriage and the family has taken a beating that has left it practically unrecognizable. No longer do most families (it was never all) have a father and a mother, raising healthy, happy children to live the way God intended, or even close. In fact, any concept of God has been pushed completely out of most people’s lives. Though many would claim otherwise, as we saw from Romans 1:21-22, most human beings do not want the Creator of all things—the Originator of human existence—to be in their lives, homes, schools, governments—or even their churches!
When understood, this is the true origin of and problem within the abortion debate—the governments and institutions of men have thrown out God’s instructions in His Holy Word, the Bible! Little surprise then that so have the masses.
Homosexual marriage has become an explosive topic in the United States and Europe. Yet, it has been legal in the Netherlands since 2000. The process there began in 1989 with “official sanction” to such marriages, and this opened up a host of different related issues that eventually found their way to courtrooms. Whatever the moral issue, it is the misuse of man’s adversarial legal system that invariably leads to the collapse of existing barriers.
Of course, entertainment today thinks nothing of homosexual conduct and routinely depicts it in movies, comedies and various television serials and sitcoms.
In another example of how technology has been coupled with illicit sex, homosexuals have been able, for some time, to carry an electronic battery-powered device that allows them to either give or receive a signal so that others nearby will know that they are present and “available.”
Also, lesbians and homosexual men are seeking the legal right to adopt children in various countries, while other lesbians are willing to have a homosexual man impregnate them so that they can enjoy children along with the rest of society.
As this issue also takes its place in the cultural war, governments are being forced to address it. Politicians are being forced to choose between traditional Christian values and “giving the people what they want” in the name of “human rights.” The result has been nation after nation, particularly in the West, legalizing homosexual marriage. Some individual states are following suit in America.
Related to this issue are politicians who are even being pressured to create legislation regarding cross-dressing and transgender restrooms in high schools so that “gender neutral” children and teens can enjoy a “gender neutral” restroom. Truly astonishing!
Societies that have no concept of biblical values are doomed to face such perverse choices, and with an endless, ever-worsening array of issues confronting them, they are forced to devise “answers” to ever worse and more complex questions.
Already mentioned, the plague of pornography has come to be a booming industry raking in billions of dollars across the world. The sexual appetite of people for this pursuit seems to be without limit, as are the magazines, movies, and hundreds of thousands of websites that make it available. Studies show that 70 percent of all movies viewed in hotel rooms are pornographic, meaning that all other categories combined represent the other 30 percent.
People spend countless hours sitting in hotel rooms and lusting after women (and men) to which they are not married—and who are involved in every form of lewd conduct. How many today give a single thought to—or have any awareness of—Christ’s command in Matthew 5:28 regarding lust, let alone act on it?
Pornography is a powerful addiction for many. Much like alcohol, nicotine and drugs, it holds in its clutches ever-growing numbers who cannot find a way—the strength—to stop. Heartrending letters sent to our headquarters describe marriages and families torn apart by this destructive social plague.
But supposed experts and others are actually only beginning to learn the effects that this problem has on society as a whole, and on the individual minds of countless millions who spend much of their free time involved in pornography. The jury is still out on what just this single sin of indulgence will mean in the years to come for a generation that has wallowed in it as practically a way of life.
While today’s civilization is more sex-permeated than ever in history, through the ages, sex has been an object of worship in many forms, with many kinds of religious rites and ceremonies attached to it. The religions of the world simultaneously turned sex and the sex organs into both objects of shame and objects of adoration, which carried supposed divine inspiration or insight into the “holy.”
Ancient religion almost invariably involved rites that were directly associated with fertility and certain symbols of fertility—for instance, rabbits and eggs have always been associated with Easter, because both have long been symbols of fertility, and because Easter (Ishtar) was another name for the goddess Astarte or Venus, who was the goddess of sex and love.
Virtually every religion of the world offers some kind of meaning or explanation for sex that elevates its different forms to a level connected with worship in some fashion. For instance, how many have any idea that steeples on churches are relics directly connected to phallic worship—worship of the male sex organ? Or how many know the true origin of the cross?
While not the subject of this book, the matter of sex and its involvement in worship through history is raised so that the reader will have just a little bit more comprehension of the colossal importance of having a right understanding of sex as God intended. Religion should have been the place where people could go to learn this critical understanding, but it became the source of greatest confusion and error—all through history!
We ask again in summary: What does all this new morality mean?—and what is the picture that it represents?
The answer is a world absolutely filled with premarital sex, unmarried couples living together, widespread adultery, open sexual experimentation in ever worsening and more degenerate ways, now including hooking up. An almost global society has now appeared where tolerance and exhibition of different sexual lifestyles, homosexual unions and marriage, exploding pornography, an endless stream of sex in virtually all of the different forms of entertainment and changing gender roles is the norm.
Then there is today’s prevailing climate that could only be described as childhood and innocence lost, including the constant conditioning of ever younger children to be accepting of any and all forms of sexuality, middle-school oral sex parties, the exploitation of children in general, including clothing manufacturers dressing seven-year-old girls in clothes and shoes that look like they are made for their mothers—but that even their mothers should be ashamed to wear—and with five-year-olds wishing they were thinner and 13-year-olds hoping for surgery to “correct” body deficiencies.
Then there is the rampant, sex-driven disease, with horrific suffering as the painful and tragic result, growing prostitution and more of it being legalized, a surge in sex-related crimes, including kidnapping, torture, rape, murder, pedophilia, and Internet-related crimes, involving ever more perverse kinds of offenses, many against children, such as incest and untold masses of children sold as sex slaves in some parts of the world. Space does not permit the relating of accounts, for instance, of at least one state in America that releases sex offenders from prisons back into communities—and then pays for their purchase of Viagra through Medicaid!
It must be asked again: How long before such problems overwhelm any society foolish enough to practice them?
Of course, now there is the experimentation with, and probably the eventual cloning of, human beings. Each day seems to bring new scientific “breakthroughs” in what has become a relentless march to extend boundaries that were defined by God and should be left alone. The evils of cloning, and the forces that want to use “stem cell” embryos for research, are perhaps the very worst examples. Recognize that stem cells have largely only been considered for research because, so contrary to God’s purpose, fertility clinics routinely create and throw away viable human embryos, made artificially. Then, while “successful” cloning of people will almost surely come with unforeseen results, it has been noted that it will permit people to have children without any sex being necessary.
The appalling list in this awful picture goes on and on and on!
The above summary, even though it is far from complete, has to at least include another reference to the cacophony of thousands of so-called experts who are spewing an endless stream of confusing ideas and “answers” to why problems and conditions have grown so far out of control. In reality, they are terribly complicating an already much too complicated picture. Examples of what is occurring and what is being proposed by scientists and “ethicists” could continue for pages. They would be almost too painful to read.
The different lifestyles, interests, habits and absolutely terrible choices regarding sex, being made by ever-increasing numbers and age groups throughout society that have been described here, offer just a small glimpse into the cancerous bowels and body of a civilization that is already absolutely filled with every conceivable kind of sex-related social illness.
I repeat: Those who are alarmed—and even this number seems to be diminishing because society is being constantly conditioned to be “accepting,” and to “tolerate”—have no idea how to turn back the clock. Long gone are the Nelsons of Ozzie and Harriet and the Cleavers of Leave It To Beaver (the beloved TV families of the 1950s and 1960s). First replaced by the coarse and disrespectful Bunkers, later The Simpsons, and still later by a variety of programs best described as cheap, sexual-humor-based sitcoms, these more wholesome families of the past have been replaced by The Osbournes—and high school girls wearing buttons celebrating their female sex organs.
What has modern sex education failed to teach? At what point did the discussion about sex and sex education come to be known as—be reduced to—“reproductive psychiatry,” as though sex is ultimately merely the study of how human beings propagate their species—reproduce themselves? Why are so many obsessed with the idea of “better sex,” yet find themselves so empty and unfulfilled after experimentation and indulgence?
What is missing that society has gone so far in the pursuit of wrong kinds of sex?
The world is filled with problems of every imaginable kind. Disease, pollution, poverty, ignorance, religious confusion, war, terrorism, crime, violence, hunger, immorality, slavery, oppression, political upheaval, and many, many more troubles, evils and ills, now reach virtually every nation on earth. Also, with the passing of time come more problems, not less. And existing problems grow collectively worse instead of better. Why, at every turn, has man bungled and botched all efforts to solve his truly great problems?
What has been missing?
Individually, people have never seemed more incapable of addressing and overcoming their personal problems. As with the world in general, the passing of time finds individuals and families drowning under an ever-greater sea of decadence and seemingly insurmountable difficulties. More and more millions seem completely incapable of managing their lives.
What has been overlooked?
I have described in other books how men have created many amazing technological inventions, but at the same time they cannot create solutions to their problems. I have shown that man has harnessed the power of computers to help process vast amounts of information, but human beings cannot correctly process their personal problems—that scientists have discovered a great deal about the size, magnificence and precision of the universe, but they cannot discover the path to peace—that astronomers can find majestic, beautiful new distant galaxies throughout the universe, but cannot find a way to preserve the beauty and majesty of earth next to them—that scientists have also unleashed the power of the atom, but are powerless to unleash answers to life’s greatest questions—that educators have taught millions how to earn a living, but not taught them how to live. And most tragically, that theologians have amassed thousands of opinions and theories, while leaving billions without knowledge of the purpose for human existence.
A look back into the last two centuries of scientific progress reveals an exciting and fascinating history of many inventions and breakthroughs that have emerged on a host of fronts. This has included additional knowledge and understanding of the human body.
There has also been more knowledge—and insight—into the physical anatomy and functioning of sex and the sex organs that has become widely available during the twentieth century. But this knowledge has not been able to translate into happier marriages. Rather, it has escalated into the downhill toboggan slide known as the “Sexual Revolution”—the “New Morality.”
Just as the old morality with its “sex is shameful” approach failed to yield happy, fulfilling marriages, the New Morality has likewise failed in this quest. The New Morality—now meaning without any morality—has caused marriages and the social fabric of nearly every Western nation to further deteriorate. Why has this happened? Each of these extremes, along with man’s entire spectrum of knowledge, is missing a vital dimension, long since dismissed by professors of higher learning. Knowledge of this unknown dimension would rectify the ignorance that dominates this age.
We need to examine today’s knowledge explosion and come to understand its shortfalls.
The rapid upward acceleration in the total fund of knowledge began about two centuries ago. All this technical know-how was gradual at first, until the momentum advanced to the crescendo of what could be called a non-stop explosion by the mid-twentieth century. Some alive today can remember when horses and buggies were more common than T-model automobiles and other rudimentary cars of the early 1900s. Air transportation gained in momentum about this time, along with other modes of transportation. Telephone communications steadily improved throughout the 1900s.
By the mid-twentieth century, the jet age had arrived, along with the nuclear age just behind it. By the 1960s, the space age had truly made its début. All the technological advances that marked the 19th and 20th centuries brought in their wake a new level of wealth. With this influence, people became more materialistic in their outlook and lifestyle. Modern science came to be looked upon with awe and reverence—it would bring the solution to every known trouble and ill plaguingmankind! With this science as their new god, many sought to dispel the traditional crutch of religion.
Vast numbers were deluded into thinking that once man had advanced sufficiently in knowledge, he could address and conquer all the world’s evils and problems. Of course, even the casual observer can plainly see man’s advancement across nearly every field of knowledge in just the few intervening decades.
Yet, half a century later, it is just as easy to see that man’s know-how has not lived up to his previous exalted expectations. The spiral of unhappy and unfulfilled marriages remained widespread, while the most critical piece of the puzzle had been excluded in the materialistic world that he had created.
As mankind’s mushrooming fund of knowledge accelerates, we have seen woes and evils throughout civilization accelerating at the same pace. Since increasing evils have kept pace with increasing knowledge—and even exceeded it—something must be seriously lacking with this knowledge. This can be traced back to the principle—actually the great spiritual law—of cause and effect. For every effect there has to be one or more causes. There is a reason mankind’s fund of knowledge has utterly failed to bring resolution to the many crises besetting it.
Before the fast pace of today took hold in the twentieth century, humanity at large had continued on a relatively even keel for millennia. The knowledge explosion of modern times has produced a type of “future shock,” as one thinker labeled it, in which man attempts to adapt to increasing technological innovations that are coming at him faster than he can process them.
There is an extraordinary, but little-known, Old Testament prophecy in which this age of incredible increase of knowledge was specifically foretold by the prophet Daniel. Here is what God inspired him to record: “O Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book [his prophecy], even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased” (Dan. 12:4).
Knowledge has greatly increased, and many are now able to travel thousands of miles daily by modern air travel, high-speed trains (as in Europe and Japan), un-ending lines of automobiles and by various forms of metro-transit. As man is bombarded with new innovations, he attributes this dizzying kaleidoscope of wonders to the false Messiah of modern science.
Whether in the areas of technological innovations, space probes pushing into the frontiers of outer space or the latest medical breakthroughs, often penetrating deeper into the recesses of inner space, people now focus on the materialistic approach in their expectations from modern science. Again, in reverence to this new god, many, within the last six to eight decades, have thrown aside what they have considered to be the traditional crutch of religion. Others have reduced religion to a simple feeling derived from attending a church, while entirely disconnecting it from any kind of behavior or conduct—and from what the Bible teaches.
Take a moment to consider yet again the foundation upon which man’s knowledge is now supported—the theory of evolution, which postulates a creation without a Creator. Revelation from God has been dismissed as fiction while science has been elevated and deified to replace the “superstition” of religion. The very existence of God has been rejected by many of the modern proponents of “higher learning.” Science focuses upon the material while dismissing God and His revelation to mankind.
Evolution has come to be accepted largely without question. To merely offer possible problems with this theory, and to seek proof of it, is considered academic heresy. Practitioners of higher learning demand acceptance without reservation. No one may challenge what they have decided the masses must believe.
Error usually comes from the acceptance of a false premise, but one that is so supported—so taken for granted—by its advocates that it must be considered exempt from being questioned. This is based on the assumption that it should be self-evident to all who are informed and educated. Such is the false premise of evolution, and therefore it is granted near immunity from scrutiny or verification. Since evolution, by its nature, is not subject to verification or proof, it is actually more proper to categorize it as a religion or a faith—a blind faith! Probing into its veracity, into the supposed proof that it is true, is prohibited to its followers.
We have seen that educators have duped generations into accepting the evolutionary lie. This has caused countless millions to believe that mankind is continually evolving into a better and higher order of existence. But to simply look around is to expose the devastating fruits of this deception. (Again, you are strongly urged to read our thorough publications addressing the fallacies of evolution, and those proving the existence of God.)
Man is far from evolving upward—he is degenerating downward, into ever new lows of indulgence, debauchery and immorality of every kind. Sex has not been an exception.
To grasp an overview of the trends mentioned above along with their implications, it is necessary to examine what higher education has completely dismissed—divine revelation. Since mankind’s fund of knowledge has failed in helping to resolve the mounting evils abounding in society, we must revisit what man has rejected. The most logical place to start is at the very beginning. Prepare for many surprises, because orthodox teachings and religious assumptions will be seen to be consistently at odds with what the Creator reveals.
The apostle John recorded that “In the beginning was the Word” (1:1), and then continued with “the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Let’s understand what this means. For there to be One who was God, but who was also with God, it is obvious that two Beings—two Persons—are described.
Verse 14 continues, “the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us.” The only God Being who ever became flesh in order to dwell among men is Jesus Christ. Remember, it states that the Word “was made flesh.” Christ was not flesh until He came to earth to become the Savior of mankind—to pay the ransom for sin, His life, and eventually deliver mankind from captivity.
Genesis 1:1 states, “In the beginning God...” Moses recorded the first five books of the Old Testament in the Hebrew language. The Hebrew word translated “God” is Elohim, a uniplural word like team, group, family or church. The God of the Bible is one Family—one God—composed of two Beings. This is why Christ could be God and be with God at the same time. John 4:24 states that “God is a Spirit.” God is made up of, or composed of, Spirit. Men are composed of flesh.
God and Christ enjoy complete harmony and complete agreement in everything. They reflect perfect outgoing concern, love and cooperation. The Father is the Supreme Leader of a Family that both chose to expand.
First, God created the angels and then the entire physical universe, including earth. Then, later in Genesis 1, we find that God said, “Let us [more than one] make man in our image, after our likeness” (vs. 26). There was clearly more than one Person involved in the creation of man.
Verse 25 shows that each animal was made after “his kind.” Dogs come from dogs and have puppies that look like dogs. Cats come from cats and have kittens that look like cats. Horses come from horses and have foals that look like horses. This is true throughout the entire animal kingdom. Of course, this is no mystery.
But here is what has not been understood. Men are not part of the animal kind—and evolution does not understand or allow for this. They do not carry the likeness of any “beast of the earth” (vs. 25). They are made in the image and likeness of God. They are part of the God kind. This is the plain message of Scripture, and this understanding is directly connected to the purpose of sex.
Most people do not understand the relationship between men and souls. Almost everyone has been taught and assumes that every human being is born with and possesses an immortal soul. The popular belief is that, upon death, the souls of sinners go to hell forever, while the saved go to heaven forever.
Is this what the Bible says?
God’s Word declares, “the wages of sin is death” (Rom. 6:23), and that “sin is the transgression of the law” (I John 3:4). Could the Bible then also teach that human beings have immortal souls? It certainly does talk about “souls,” but in what context?
God has been most clear about this, and about what man is, from the beginning. Notice this in Genesis 2:7: “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” This verse does not say that men have souls, but rather that they are souls. Adam became a soul—he was not given one.
Then, almost immediately, God warned Adam, “And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: for in the day that you eat thereof you shall surely die” (vs. 16-17). When placed together, these verses reveal that men are souls, and that souls can die!
Finally, notice this in Matthew 10:28: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear Him [God] which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Souls can be destroyed!
Adam and Eve were physical, material beings who were capable of death, and eventually they did die. The Tree of Life symbolized God’s offer of eternal life. God made the tree available to Adam and Eve as a gift. Had they taken of this tree, they could have qualified to receive eternal life at the end of their physical existence.
Our original parents were created as mature adults, yet had to be instructed and educated from the time they received consciousness. They were given the gift of understanding speech, as well as being able to communicate with speech. God had to bring about this capability immediately since such development usually requires a matter of years with newborn children.
Once Adam and Eve were given a foundational level of knowledge and education, circumstances almost immediately required them to make a choice. They would be held accountable for their choice.
While 6,000 years have passed, nothing has changed for those of this generation—and for you who are reading this book. We too must choose. Let’s consider their choice and ours.
Consider this direct instruction to our original parents: “And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there He put the man whom He had formed. And out of the ground made the Lord God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil” (Gen. 2:8-9).
It is important to repeat that God warned Adam that eating of the second tree would bring death. Notice again: “But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: for in the day that you eat thereof you shall surely die” (Gen. 2:17). God explained, “...for dust you are, and unto dust shall you return” (3:19). The choice was clear and the original parents of mankind had no excuse for claiming that they did not understand it. This well-known—but little-understood—account in the Garden of Eden holds an absolutely vital key, unlocking all that is wrong with the world today—including why its misuse of sex.
The account records that Adam and Eve made a fateful—and ultimately disastrous—choice. Genesis 3 next records this: “Now the serpent [Satan] was more subtle than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made” (vs. 1).
The world is ignorant of an enormous truth overarching everything that happens among the nations. Revelation 12:9 states, “Satan...deceives the whole world.” II Corinthians 4:4 adds to this that he is “the god of this world.” These passages reveal the devil to be cunning, clever—and very subtle in manner—which is what made him so effective in his appeal to Eve. Satan’s role will be discussed at some length here. (I have written various booklets explaining much more about the prehistory of this great fallen spirit being, his methods and devices, and his influence on civilization.)
Continuing with the Genesis account: “And he said unto the woman, Yes, has God said, You shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, You shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die. And the serpent said unto the woman, You shall not surely die” (vs. 1-4).
The devil lied to Eve. Not only did she believe him but she was also able to lead Adam into sin with her. Satan told them, “You shall not die”—in other words, “you have immortal souls.” This same cunning serpent has been lying to mankind ever since!—and it has continued believing him!
Satan continued, “For God does know that in the day you eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and you shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons” (vs. 5-7).
The devil got these first two human beings to reject—to disbelieve!—God’s warning in Genesis 2:16-17. His deceit brought these adult children to believe that they no longer needed to listen to their Parent. Human nature entered. Thrust from the garden, they were forced to fend for themselves.
Satan convinced Adam and Eve that they could become “gods” (the Hebrew used here is also Elohim) by appealing to their human pride—their vanity. He convinced them that their minds were complete apart from God. Seduced by false arguments, they believed him and took God’s prerogative to define right and wrong for themselves. Their initially perfect human minds became corrupted by vanity, which seized them and changed their thinking to believe that they were above receiving instruction from God.
The Genesis 3 account represents a truly fateful decision. Mankind—in the person of Adam and Eve—was faced with a great choice between God’s Way, which leads to eternal life, or the devil’s, which leads to death.
Human beings are not born instinctively knowing everything necessary to operate successfully throughout their lives. They must acquire ever more knowledge as they grow older and as more demands are placed upon them.
All knowledge that men may obtain falls into two categories: (1) the physical knowledge of how to work with matter and physical things, and (2) the spiritual knowledge necessary to develop personal relationships with both God and their fellow man. All knowledge is either physical or spiritual in nature. There are no other categories.
All physical knowledge is acquired through the five senses—sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. People understand that they must acquire a certain amount of useful knowledge and keep adding to it throughout their lives. They must master one or more skills en route to a career. They must learn to eat, ride a bike, play a piano, drive a nail, cut the grass, get dressed, drive a car, and many other things. To function as adults requires a vast array of different kinds of physical knowledge. Of course, this is not hard to understand. Most adults recognize that no one can succeed in life without a certain amount of basic knowledge. Today, people need more knowledge than ever to survive in an increasingly complex world.
But there is a hidden problem in all of this—and it is big! The physical knowledge that we have described has not been sufficient—or of the right kind—for mankind to be able to solve the great problems afflicting all the nations of the world. For instance, man is utterly incapable of achieving world peace, wiping out famine and hunger, eradicating disease, correcting the fundamental errors of modern education, or successfully addressing and defeating global warming. These are but a few of the many kinds of global troubles and challenges that the greatest thinkers on earth have been at a loss to overcome—to truly permanently solve.
After God created Adam and Eve, we saw that He presented them with an all-important choice—a critical decision to take one of two clear paths set before them.
We also saw that Genesis 3:1-8 contains the account of Adam and Eve’s fateful decision. Again—and this is infinitely more than a bedtime Bible story—they listened to the serpent and chose the wrong tree! This wrong decision carried grave implications far beyond what most today could even begin to dream. By not choosing the Tree of Life, Adam and Eve cut themselves off from the Spirit of God. They were left incomplete, totally incapable of receiving, understanding or forming spiritual thoughts. They cut themselves off from the vitally important missing dimension to spiritual understanding of God’s purpose—to the path of character-building and to the correct solutions to humanity’s problems.
Here is what happened next: “And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of Us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So He drove out the man; and He placed at the east of the Garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life” (Gen. 3:22-24).
God denied Adam and Eve access to His presence in their lives and access to His Spirit. While this was never His intention, it is the result of the choice they made. God originally intended to give this first couple His Spirit—His very Divine Nature. His Spirit would have joined with the spirit in man to form a newly begotten life in each of them—and in all mankind to follow.
Comprehend this central point of God’s purpose. He still intends that all human beings ultimately receive His Holy Spirit. He wants this Spirit to eventually enter every mind. Now let’s learn what role this additional spirit component plays, and how it works with the separate spirit in man that exists in all human beings.
Here is what the apostle Paul wrote: “The Spirit [the Holy Spirit] itself bears witness with our spirit [spirit in man], that we are the children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ” (Rom. 8:16-17).
Let’s understand. Two spirits are described here. God’s Spirit works “with” the human spirit to bring human beings to salvation as “joint-heirs with Christ.” It is this Spirit that Adam was offered and would have received had he eaten of the Tree of Life!
In I Corinthians 2, we also read in the same passage of the spirit of man and the Spirit of God. Paul went on to add, “But the natural man receives not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” (vs. 14).
This is an enormously important scripture. Do not miss what it reveals! It is simply not possible for human beings apart from God’s Spirit to understand spiritual knowledge—spiritual understanding. Such things can only seem “foolish” to a mind that cannot “spiritually discern.” No matter how intelligent or talented a person may be, without the Spirit of God, he is shut off from all spiritual understanding. He simply cannot grasp the most basic spiritual principles.
Even attempting to tell people—and I have witnessed this many times—that they do not have this spiritual component is a completely useless exercise—unless God is opening their minds (John 6:44, 65). The most carefully crafted arguments, including those about how they cannot understand spiritual principles, will seem to be nonsense to them because even this information is “spiritually discerned.” The more intelligent the person is, the more foolish it will probably seem to him to be told that his mind is incomplete—that he is “not all there.” Sadly, most who are learning the truth recognize this painful reality too late, seeing it only after they have tried to force their friends and relatives to accept exciting new truths that they themselves are coming to see. (Be sure you avoid this costly mistake.)
We have seen that if Adam had eaten of the Tree of Life, he would have received the Spirit of God. Marvelous, special knowledge would have been freely available to him. Perhaps most important, he would have learned the way of love—the way of “give” instead of the grasping “get” way of life, practiced by this world.
While people have devised a host of differing definitions of love—actually no more than human opinions—the Bible states that “love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom. 13:10), and that “love...is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy [Spirit]” (Rom. 5:5). God has a great spiritual law that Adam and Eve would have come to understand had they chosen to accept the spiritual component God was making available to them. Instead, they chose the way of death.
Romans 8:6 declares, “For to be carnally [physically] minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” If Adam had received the Spirit of God, he would have had life inherent within him. He would have been an “inheritor” with Christ as much as any true Christian today. He would have also learned the only way to peace, happiness, abundance, prosperity and every good thing in life—the things that all people desire.
Adam was given more than a brain. He was given a mind, containing the human spirit. He held the power to choose—to decide for himself his own fate. He was not forced to follow, or to be automatically led toward, any prescribed path. He had not been programmed or limited to instinctive thinking, as were dumb beasts. When Adam rejected the Tree of Life, he rejected the opportunity to receive the Spirit of God. This would have opened his mind to the Plan of God—to why he had been created. We saw that his decision caused him and his wife, Eve, to be cast from the Garden. Their joint decision carried grave implications for every human being who would come from them. Because of this decision, no others could have free access to the Tree of Life, or to the Spirit of God, if they were not individually and specially called of God.
Let’s state this one more time for emphasis so that none can possibly miss it. With this single decision, Adam and Eve severed themselves, and all mankind who would follow, away from free access to God. They rejected the opportunity to qualify for eternal life—to “live forever” (Gen. 3:22).
Now understand what this means! All human beings are notfinished—they are made incomplete! All knowledge that enters into natural human minds is limited to the physical and material. For Adam’s colossal sin of rejecting God, including His rule—His government over them—and the Tree of Life, he was rejected by God and cast from the Garden—and mankind was cast out with him!
This is absolutely remarkable understanding—unknown to all but a scattered few on earth today. And it has not been fully understood until our time!
The first human beings were required to accept and act upon God’s instruction. Yet, they were willingly influenced by Satan, who cleverly refuted that instruction, as he still does today. Since that time, humanity has continued to reject God’s revelation and to decide for itself what is good and what is evil. It is no wonder then that mankind has remained in confusion, never able to agree as to what constitutes good or what constitutes evil.
Disagreements, disputes and splintering of efforts are inevitable when man takes to himself that prerogative of God. Submission to God’s Way leads to unity and co-operation. Yet, man is missing the absolute authoritative knowledge from the all-wise Creator who is certainly capable of determining precisely what is good and precisely what is evil.
This unknown dimension absent in the vast knowledge of mankind is direct revelation from God. The missing dimension in sexual knowledge is likewise what this God has revealed about the purposes of sex. But in rejecting divine revelation, still available today, mankind has rejected the spiritual understanding that is connected to sex between human beings.
This book points the way to that hidden dimension—revealed knowledge—long since rejected by mankind, yet still available to those given eyes to see.
The Bible provides the vital foundational knowledge that man could not discover by his own investigation or experimentation. When man rejects this knowledge, he inevitably lands in error. As I have explained in so many other books and booklets, and referenced earlier here, just as all equipment comes with an instruction manual, so has God provided such a Manual for mankind. Heeding the instructions of this Manual of spiritual information leads to happiness, fulfillment and peak performance. To abide by the Maker’s Instruction Manual assures blessings in every endeavor. To disregard it guarantees curses and eventual breakdown of all progress in every endeavor.
The attitude of shame in regard to sex can be traced back to ancient religions. Although the origin of this approach goes back to the Garden of Eden and the wrong choice made by Adam and Eve, there is direct evidence in early religion of the same course that Satan had persuaded Eve to take.
We have seen that what happened in the Garden of Eden set the course for all humanity. Man is composed of physical matter and subject to death—a mortal being. Yet, Satan told Adam and Eve that they were immortal and would not die. At this time, the devil also injected into their minds the tendency to feel shame in regard to sex. While countless millions have obviously found a way to “overcome” this feeling of shame as evidenced in the almost total sexual debauchery so rampant all over the world today, the initial result in the Garden encounter was shame in the minds of this first couple.
Unseen in the account, but true nevertheless, Satan possessed a degree of jealousy—that puny physical mankind could reproduce while he as a superior being could not.
After God had completed the physical creation, the Creator considered all that He had created and observed that it was “very good” (Gen. 1:31). Nothing that He created was shameful or disgraceful. The creation of the physical sex anatomy of human beings was no oversight on God’s part—rather, all of His creation was very good!
In Genesis 2, God had commanded, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (vs. 24). Verse 25 continues, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Shame only entered their minds once the man and his wife chose to follow Satan’s deceitful influence. They could have resisted, but chose not to.
Immediately upon taking of the forbidden fruit, a different awareness overtook Adam and Eve. Part of this awareness included this shame of their nakedness: “And the eyes of them were opened, and they knew they were naked...” (Gen. 3:7). Prior to the Garden encounter, this first couple had no cognizance of shame, prudery or embarrassment in any way, despite the fact that they were without clothing.
The account continues and reveals the change in thinking. As soon as God called out to them, Adam responded, “...I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And He [God] said, Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded you that you should not eat? And the man said, the woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that you have done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat” (Gen. 3:10-13).
The woman was first to disobey in this matter. Satan knew whom to approach first. Even the apostle Paul noted this point as he stated, “And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression” (I Tim. 2:14). Continuing in Genesis 3, “And unto Adam He said, Because you have hearkened unto the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree, of which I commanded you, saying, You shall not eat of it: cursed is the ground for your sake...” (vs. 17). In the final analysis, both were accountable and both paid the penalty.
Women are naturally designed to follow the lead of their husbands. Modern feminists aside, the female gender was not created, and neither is it suited, for taking the lead in decision-making or in the marriage. Eve should have consulted with Adam before making any decision, particularly one that could so permanently affect their relationship, with one having eaten of the fruit and the other having not. But when consulted even after the fact, Adam was weak and yielded to his wife’s error, knowing what he was doing—he was “not deceived.” In one crucial sense, his error was greater than that of his wife—he knowingly did what was wrong.
Satan had attempted to make what God had created to be perceived as something to be covered up, embarrassed about—shameful. God provided clothing to adorn and decorate them, rather than the primary motive being to cover their shame. Genesis 3:21 shows that it was God who actually clothed them—they did not put on clothing on their own without His approval.
Certainly it was never God’s intention for all mankind who would come later to become a global nudist colony. First, He intended clothing to be worn for the sake of decency and propriety—as adornment—not because the human body was in some way bad and needed to be hidden. God designed and intended that sex would only take place between husband and wife in the institution of marriage—not in random promiscuity, as do certain animals in the wild (even though some animals do mate for life), or according to the precepts of the New (A)Morality. Second, besides these considerations, the exposed female body arouses lust in the mind of any normal, carnal male. To avoid temptation, God expects people to be clothed.
A point regarding nudist colonies: While some have been confused on this matter—and others have not, but have wanted to take advantage in raw lust of what the world offers—God has no more sanctioned them than He has sanctioned pornography.
Most of the ancient pagan theologians and philosophers accepted Satan’s lie that sex is shameful. An examination of the teachings of Plato, perhaps the most renowned and studied philosopher—and who was a student of the sex pervert Socrates—in his book, the Phaedo, reveals the doctrine of dualism. In this teaching, the real or true man is represented by the immortal soul. This form is the part of man that is supposedly righteous, pure and free of sin. The flesh, by contrast, is considered totally corrupt and evil. The physical sexual anatomy of humans is especially considered to be the most repugnant and filthy part of the creation. It was expected that the real man—“the immortal soul”!—should shun this corruptible part of the creation.
Many of Plato’s premises eventually became established as hallmarks of false religion and the basis for prudery in the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries. To demonstrate how influential was Plato’s pivotal work, the following quotes reveal a continuation of Satan’s lie about mankind’s immortality, along with the approaches mentioned above.
Note how Plato elevates philosophy as the central element of mankind’s salvation: “Death is merely the separation of soul and body. And this is the very consummation at which philosophy aims. The body hinders thought...the philosopher has a life-long quarrel with his bodily desires and he should welcome the release of his soul...The soul, if pure departs to the invisible world, but, if tainted by communion with the body, [it] lingers hovering near the earth, and is afterwards born into the likeness of some lower form. That which true philosophy has purified alone rises ultimately to the gods...In the Phaedo, more than elsewhere, Plato preaches withdrawal from the world...” Finally, Plato summarizes, “...by searching for clearer images of truth in the world of mind, we may hope to be emancipated from sensation, and to lay hold upon the sole object of pure reason” (Encyclopedia Britannica, 11th ed., vol. 21, pp. 814-815).
It was “pure reason,” or actually flawed human reasoning, that Adam and Eve used to justify their taking of the forbidden fruit. Plato’s conclusions have come to constitute the central teachings of orthodox Christianity of this day, whether in regard to the trinity, immortality of the soul or various other associated ideas. The universal church has been greatest, however, in continuing and spreading the notion that sex is shameful and evil and should only be for the purpose of procreation, and that celibacy is a higher state of being than marriage.
Thus, Satan was successful in perpetuating his false claims that God’s creation was evil, while mankind was inherently righteous and being pulled down by God’s shameful physical creation. We find that the real author of prudery was Satan. He has influenced many generations past into thinking that the physical human anatomy is a pitfall of sin and lust that pulls down the righteous immortal soul. However, we saw in Mark 7 that Jesus taught that it is within the hearts of men that lust originates—not in God’s physical creation!
But there are spiritual parallels that the Scriptures reveal about sex, reproduction and marriage, and what has not been known need not remain hidden.
Throughout history, man’s attitude toward sex has ranged from Puritan censorship and prudery—including repression, and even forbidding the mere mention of the subject—to the “new morality,” in which unbridled promiscuity reigns.
The “new morality” was given much press in the 1960s, as it promoted drugs, fornication, adultery, the hippie lifestyle, and hostility toward the “establishment.” Claiming to represent the alternative care-free lifestyle of “live and let live,” its hedonistic motto was “Make love, not war.” Yet, this movement failed to produce happy, stable, fulfilled marriages. And no wonder, for whenever such movements have attempted to amend moral codes, they only result in separating mankind further from his Maker’s originally intended purposes, and bring more harmful effects.
Once again, there is a cause for every effect—and there is a way of life that yields the desired effects all yearn for. Yet, few are willing to live within the boundaries (the cause) that would bring about true and lasting fulfillment and satisfaction (the effects). Adam and Eve rejected revelation from their Creator—knowledge that would have yielded every desirable effect they could have imagined. Sadly, humanity has continued on the same path that Adam and Eve chose.
Today, due to the countless thousands of books that now abound on the subject of sex, people understand the detailed anatomy of the sexes better than any previous generation. Yet, none of these books equip them to grasp the mental-spiritual understanding regarding the true purpose of sex. Without this understanding, people are easily sold on poisonous attitudes promoted in the mass media, which has played the most critical role in eroding moral purity. And once this threshold is breached, many rush to indulge in conduct that results in long-term damage to both mind and body.
Where then can men find this missing spiritual knowledge, so sadly lacking in all the publications that stress only the physical aspects of sex? Generally these are focused on the supposed endless means and techniques to titillate and to maximize sexual pleasure. God knew there must be a source that clearly—plainly—reveals and defines morality and proper human conduct.
As seen in the previous chapter, the true understanding of this unknown dimension is found in the Bible—the Word of God. No other source reveals it. To understand why God created sex, we must go back to the very beginning of the Bible once again.
Again, God is a kingdom or family, and is composed of more than one Being. The purpose of mankind is to eventually be born into His expanding kingdom. God’s overall Plan of Salvation will bring this about according to His timetable.
The God Family now consists of the Father, who is the Supreme Head, and the Logos, or Spokesman, who later became Jesus Christ (John 1:14). The world has rejected the fundamental truths necessary for a happy life, and the message that Christ brought—the proclaiming of the wonderful, coming government of God, to be established on earth. False Christianity appropriated Christ’s name, accepting a false gospel about Jesus Christ, the Messenger. Having rejected what the Bible has revealed, it is little wonder that the world has lost the truth about man’s ultimate destiny and its connection to the true purpose of sex in this physical life.
Generally, human beings have had to acquire knowledge gradually, over a period of years, beginning with childhood in a family setting. But Adam and Eve, the first humans, were not nurtured from infanthood. They were both created and given consciousness as full-grown adults. Yet, they had to be taught, since humans are not programmed with instinct, as are animals.
Beginning immediately upon his creation, Adam had to be taught multitudes of facts in a relatively short time. Both he and his wife Eve had to be taught the most essential knowledge first. Unlike the minds of small infants, mankind’s first parents had to be given the ability to understand and to use language so that they could communicate with their Creator, who was also their Educator. It was necessary for God to instruct Adam and Eve in knowledge that they could not discover on their own.
But we have seen that the first parents rejected His instruction, cutting themselves off from vital information that would have benefited them and led them to an abundant life filled with good things. Their descendants—all people past and present—have done likewise across the span of human history. Almost all in every generation have rejected revealed knowledge from their Creator and Educator, including the true understanding and purpose of sex.
During what was actually the re-creation week—because in the Genesis 1 account God was actually reconstructing the surface of an earth destroyed in Satan’s pre-Adamic rebellion (earlier referenced literature about Satan describes this in more detail)—God very carefully re-established the orbit of our solar system, replaced plant and animal life in an intricate ecological balance, and then created the first man and woman. At the end of the sixth day, at sunset, God rested from all His work—creating and blessing the Sabbath day, setting it apart as holy time throughout all generations.
The first parents were created the day before the Sabbath. The timing was perfect, because, without any background experience from which to draw, Adam and Eve were utterly helpless—defenseless—and in desperate need of divine instruction. God used the Sabbath as time to further reveal His knowledge to them.
Besides understanding that the God of the Old Testament, who instructed Adam and Eve, was the One who later became Jesus Christ (I Cor. 10:4), it is also important to grasp that the Bible covers the Creation account and the events concerning our first parents in only the briefest summary. It omits the details of what transpired, covering only the most important high points of this beginning history.
When God taught Adam and Eve on that first Sabbath, He covered the most essential information needed to educate and guide their newly created minds. They learned about God’s Way and how following that way would lead to fulfilling their awesome potential in becoming spirit beings with eternal life. Of course, God also provided them with necessary physical knowledge, such as the kinds of foods they were to eat (Gen. 1:29). And He taught them about their unique roles as husband and wife and the true understanding of sex.
We have now understood that God revealed to them that there were two paths of life from which to choose, symbolized by two trees in the Garden of Eden. And, as mentioned earlier, that the first tree God brought to Adam’s attention was the tree of life (Gen. 2:9). And further, that this tree symbolized access to God’s Holy Spirit, the way for man to realize his ultimate human potential. God told Adam that he could freely eat of the tree of life, along with virtually all the other trees of the garden.
And the other tree we saw was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God told the man that if he ate of that tree, he would surely die (2:17). Disobeying God and eating of this tree would be sin, and the result of sin would be death (Rom. 6:23). Conversely, the gift of God is eternal life—the result of partaking of the Tree of Life.
But, to knowingly sin, Adam would have had to understand right from wrong—that sin is the transgression of the law (I John 3:4). The first man transgressed with knowledge of his actions and was held accountable: “Therefore to him that knows to do good, and does it not, to him it is sin” (Jms. 4:17).
Man was created after the God kind—in His image and likeness: “And God said, Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness...” (Gen 1:26). The account continues: “...male and female created He them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it...” (vs. 27-28).
In creating male and female human beings, God becomes the Author of sex, and the sole authority on it. Sex is the product of God’s design and creative forethought, and is not, as some religionists think, a mischievous stunt in which the devil somehow “marred” God’s otherwise perfect creation—and there are those who believe this nonsense, and thus that God was powerless in the face of the devil’s efforts to confuse God’s Purpose. (Certainly none believe that Satan is the author of sex in other living creatures.) Just as He had done with every other aspect of His creation, God concluded that the creation of male and female—including sex—“was very good” (Gen. 1:31).
Just as God created sex for a purpose, He also made certain to instruct Adam and Eve about its proper function within their unique roles as male and female, husband and wife. Though the Genesis account gives only highlights, God reveals the vital, hidden dimension in sex in various other scriptures throughout the Bible.
Man was created from clay, from physical matter. Yet, the Master Potter is forming something far more enduring than the mere physical elements and chemicals of which the human body is composed. The Creator’s ultimate goal is to spiritually develop His holy, righteous character within all human beings. For now, God has called a tiny few to see His truth. But ultimately, He will offer all men—past, present and future—the opportunity to build His godly character within them. This spiritual process involves choosing to follow the right path and using self-discipline, through the power of God’s Spirit, to reject the former paths of human nature and worldliness.
When people choose to go their own way, they reap curses—sometimes in effect immediately and other times occurring later, and lasting what can be a shorter or longer time. But every transgression carries one or more penalties, usually not immediately apparent.
Despite being carefully instructed by God, Adam and Eve rebelled against Him, rejecting the only way that would have brought blessings. (And humanity has consistently followed—usually directly choosing—the same course ever since.) This spiritually-revealed knowledge included the right, wholesome, God-intended purpose of sex and the command to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Gen. 1:28).
As with the animal kingdom, one of the purposes of sex between human beings is that of reproduction. However, this is not the only purpose. The pattern of human reproduction—including the fascinating significance of conception (or begettal) and birth—parallels a spiritual plane that does not apply to the animal or plant kingdoms.
Satan has gone to great lengths to corrupt this world and to hide the true meaning found in the proper purpose and understanding of sex and reproduction—and how these parallel the process of spiritual growth and the development of godly character, the only path by which men can be born into the Family of God. The devil has blurred, disguised and suppressed this truth through numerous means, but primarily through the “hush-hush” Victorian prudery of the old morality and the reckless promiscuity and accompanying kaleidoscope of perversity of the new morality.
In human reproduction, after a male sperm cell has joined with an egg cell, life is imparted to the egg. At this stage, human life has been begotten and at this point it is considered an embryo. After the first 17 weeks or so, the unborn child developing in the womb is called a fetus. Over a period of several months, the begotten fetus grows, from nutrition taken in by the mother, until it has developed and matured sufficiently to be born as a new, little, separate person.
Every human life is limited to a temporary physical-chemical existence, requiring the breathing of oxygen and the regular intake of sufficient food and water to stay alive. Recall that God had told Adam, “...dust you are and unto dust shall you return” (Gen. 3:19). Yet, there is a spirit within man, which elevates him above animals. Referenced previously, this “human spirit” is described in various other passages within God’s Word. Notice just the following two verses:
“But there is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of the Almighty gives them understanding” (Job 32:8).
“...the Lord, which stretches forth the heavens, and lays the foundation of the earth, and forms the spirit of man within him” (Zech. 12:1).
Of course, we saw that Satan originally deceived ancient philosophers into perceiving the spirit in man as being an immortal soul. But a careful study of all the relevant verses in the Bible (Isa. 28:13) reveals that man is a “living soul” (Gen. 2:7)—physical, mortal life—and that souls can die (Ezek. 18:4, 20) or be destroyed (Matt. 10:28). I have written other books and booklets that discuss this much further.
The human spirit does not give life to a person, nor is it a separate consciousness apart from the person. It has no perception independent of the sensory organs that input information to the mind, through the eyes, ears, nose, and the sense of taste and touch. It cannot think or function apart from the physical brain. Although the spirit in man is not a separate entity, it is spirit essence—it expands the human brain, permitting it to carry mind power. Instead of animal instinct, it imparts creativity, reasoning and judgment in physical matters and decisions.
But, and I repeat to the point of being repetitive, do not lose sight of the fact that the spirit in man is limited to the knowledge of physical things—and can learn nothing of the spiritual. Notice again this repeat of an earlier-referenced verse with more included this time: “For what man knows the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? Even so the things of God knows no man, but the Spirit of God...But the natural man receives not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” (I Cor. 2:11, 14).
Recognize once again that being able to understand things that are “spiritually discerned” would have come from eating of the Tree of Life. This would have brought the Spirit of God to the first man and woman, and taken them to eternal life. Their wrong choice of which tree to eat of earned them death. God had to drive them from the garden, away from the tree of life, speaking of Adam, “lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever” (Gen. 3:22).
But all is not lost for the masses of humanity who have agreed with and followed Adam’s choice. All mankind—every human being who has ever lived—will eventually be given a full and equal opportunity to also inherit eternal life. Mankind will learn that this is only possible through repentance of living the wrong way—contrary to God’s revealed instruction—with acceptance of the sacrifice of Christ, followed by a time period of spiritual growth and development. And all of this begins with the receiving of the Holy Spirit.
In John 3, Jesus explained to Nicodemus, “...Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God” (vs. 3). Nicodemus knew that Christ meant the literal process of being born again—and not merely the undergoing of a “religious experience.”
Jesus further explained in verse 6, “That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” Christ was not referring to people being reborn as physical, mortal human beings. Rather, He was speaking of a spiritual birth—of men being born as spirit beings into the kingdom of God, the God Family. Just as a human is begotten of his physical father, one must, in order to be born into the spirit realm, also be begotten of the spiritual Father.
Much can be learned through a comparison of the human stages of begettal, gestation and physical birth with the growth process of spiritual birth:
• The human egg has a relatively short life of about 24 hours, unless life is imparted to it after a male sperm cell has joined with the egg cell. Likewise, human life lasts only about 70 or so years—which is very short when compared to eternity.
• The male sperm unites with the female ovum. Similarly, just as the spirit in man combines with the physical brain to form the human mind, the Spirit of God unites with the human spirit. Notice again: “The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God” (Rom. 8:16).
• As with the fertilized human egg, life can be imparted to people through the begettal process of the Holy Spirit—which is actually an “earnest” or down-payment of eternal life (Eph. 1:13-14; II Cor. 1:22; 5:5) from the Father. Romans 8:14 shows that those who have the Spirit of God are literally sons of God (yet unborn). And II Peter 1:4 reveals that the Father uses His Spirit to impart His divine nature within His spiritually begotten sons.
• Just as the human sperm cell is the smallest of all cells, the initial measure of God’s Spirit that one receives is very small—perhaps only a tiny percent of one’s full potential. During this lifetime, spiritual babes in Christ must develop and grow, much like a fetus, in order to be born spiritually—to become spirit beings and receive an eternal inheritance. Remember: “And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with Him, that we may be also glorified together” (Rom. 8:17).
As with newborns, this growth process begins with spiritual milk. Let’s read: “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that you may grow thereby: if so be you have tasted that the Lord is gracious” (I Pet. 2:2-3).
Though the downpayment of God’s Spirit is initially small, it can and must increase. This is done, among other things, through daily Bible study, continual fervent prayer, with the use of other Christian tools of growth such as fasting and meditation, and Christian fellowship with other spiritually-begotten sons—“brethren”—those who share the same beliefs, goals and purpose in life.
• The human embryo and fetus are fed with physical food through the mother. Also, during the pregnancy, the mother carries her unborn baby in a place where it can be very carefully protected. Likewise, the Church of God, which is called “the mother of us all” (Gal. 4:26), nourishes and protects God’s unborn children.
The ministers of God’s Church are commissioned by Christ to feed His flock. Here is how Paul described the duty of God’s ministry, who serve “For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:12-13). Christ holds His ministers accountable for nurturing and protecting His unborn brethren from being devoured by those described as wolves (Acts 20:29-30)—false ministers who bring false doctrines.
• A fetus must mature, and grow large enough to be able to come to birth and live outside the womb. Similarly, each begotten son of God must grow in spiritual character. He is to become fully developed in all of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, taking on God’s nature, the process continuing until reaching spiritual maturity, so that then—and only then—is he ready to be reborn. Only after having grown and developed and having endured to the end (Matt. 10:22; 24:13) can one be “born again”—born into the very Family of God!
All of this introduces a vitally-important inset about abortion that is directly related to the last point. It is one that carries a crucial spiritual parallel entirely lost on “abortion rights” activists. We have seen that God considers His children to be sons beginning at the begettal stage—in other words, when they are spiritual embryos. Many passages show, and we just read one from Ephesians, that He is very protective of His children all the way through the spiritual “gestation” period—the lifelong process of Christian conversion.
By analogy, and I repeat some of this for emphasis because it is so important, God’s ministry feeds (John 21:15-17), edifies and perfects (Eph. 4:12), and protects (John 10:12-13) God’s begotten sons.
While these “activists” are focused only on the mother’s rights, God is concerned about the rights of every one of His children (I Tim. 2:4; II Pet. 3:9). Since we saw that God describes the Church as Mother to all of His children within it, certainly none would suggest that this Mother would ever murder within her womb even one of God’s begotten children!
(Others of my books such as The Awesome Potential of Man, make understanding the process of growth toward the new, second birth at the resurrection and Return of Jesus Christ much more plain than is our purpose here.)
Little wonder, then, that Satan hides, distorts and perverts the true meaning of human sexuality. The devil is well aware that the process of human reproduction parallels—and thus reveals to the discerning—God’s Plan of Salvation. The “god of this world” has done a masterful job of perverting the purpose of sex, and with it any clear picture of how God is reproducing Himself through human beings. Therefore, to see clearly through Satan’s deception, one must deeply desire for God to help him see the beauty and clarity—and the excitement!—of the truth.
Until recently, many educators, religionists and even some evolutionists have traditionally believed and taught that the purpose of human sex is exclusively for reproduction. More recently, educators and various other psychologists and so-called experts have played a role in the now wild freedom of sexual expression by teaching that there are no moral absolutes. Thus, the world has remained ignorant of the glorious purposes that our Creator intended for sex, which are vastly beyond mere reproduction or continuance of the human race.
It must be stated again that the foundation of all knowledge is the Word of God. Though the Bible does not represent the totality of all knowledge, it does contain and reveal crucial spiritual principles—facts—truths—absolutes!—that man could not otherwise acquire on his own through investigation and research.
Through misguided precepts gained from ancient religions, philosophers and stoics, theologians came to assign marriage to a level far below that of celibacy—permanent abstinence from sex—which was seen to be much more pure than the pursuit of any kind of pleasure. While influential leaders in education and religion have remained oblivious to the God-intended origin and purpose of sex, I repeat, the Bible reveals on this subject what man cannot discover on his own.
After reproduction, the second purpose revealed for human sex is that of marriage. God ordained the marriage relationship from man’s creation. Recall that we saw: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
Jesus Christ, the God of the Old Testament (I Cor. 10:4) who had instructed Adam and Eve, taught straight from the Genesis record: “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they two shall be one flesh: so then they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9).
It has been the Puritan-like repressive beliefs of the past that taught that the only purpose for sex is reproduction. But if this belief were true, then marriage would be unnecessary. Human beings are certainly capable of reproducing themselves without getting married—and up to 60 percent in some inner cities are doing this now. Of course, animals have done this from the beginning.
Animals function almost entirely on instinct, and do not require, nor can they receive, moral or spiritual training. For example, animal parents do not have to teach their offspring how to walk. They also do not need to be taught about sex. Animals can function by instinct mostly on their own or with minimal help from the mother.
By contrast, a human baby is born entirely helpless. He generally requires about a year or more to learn to walk. He will need close care and guidance from both parents in a stable home environment so that he can mature and be instructed. It was once more clearly understood that only marriage provides this.
We have touched on the fact that God is a Family, and, through man, He is producing His “own kind”—sons made in His image. Since man has the potential of being born into the Family of God, human family life is intended to shape man and prepare him for his ultimate destiny.
Attaining godly character is critical to qualifying for being born into the kingdom of God and inheriting eternal life. Here is how Herbert W. Armstrong, in his book The Incredible Human Potential, described the development of righteous spiritual character:
“What is perfect character? It is the ability, in a separate entity with free moral agency, to come to the knowledge of the right from the wrong—the true from the false—and to choose the right, and possess the will to enforce self-discipline to do the right and resist the wrong” (p. 138).
He continued on this theme in the following chapter: “Holy and righteous character is something that cannot be created in a person instantaneously by fiat. It must be developed in an independent entity through a process in which one comes to recognize the right way from the wrong, to choose the right and reject the wrong even against self-desire” (p. 148).
With so much at stake, it is crucial that every human being be reared by parents who lovingly and consistently train their children. Such a background of warmth and protection provides developing children with stability and balance, and prepares them to face life’s difficulties, and to be ready for a loving marital relationship themselves. Such an atmosphere of love and support requires a secure family relationship—and this begins with and flows from the God-ordained marriage covenant between man and wife.
The educated of this world—having accepted the theory of evolution—simply do not and cannot comprehend man’s ultimate destiny. They are necessarily unaware of the origin of the institution of marriage and why it serves as a foundation for the family unit. They are oblivious to God’s ordained purpose for the family—that it was designed to nurture and rear children into becoming balanced human beings, preparing them to realize their fullest potential. And, because the minds of “scholars” and “experts” lack this revealed knowledge, many are left unable to cope with the pressures of life. They see no transcendent purpose for the trials, difficulties and challenges so common to the human existence.
We have seen that marriage is not required for reproduction. Animals are also capable of reproducing their own kind without the institution of marriage. It is true that there are a few species of birds and various mammals that do pair off for life, but such phenomena occur without marriage. God may have programmed these species to act in a certain way in order to teach mankind crucial lessons because He has occasionally done this with other species, such as the ant (Prov. 6:6-11). Nevertheless, the level of home life and “family” relationships within the animal kingdom, including those that pair off, falls far short of what is attainable by human beings.
But what about angels? Most non-religious people are skeptical about the existence of angels. Yet, the Bible shows that angels do exist, and that mankind was made a little lower than the angels, but with a destiny that far exceeds what God has in store for them.
Though angels are spirit beings, they are not on the same level as God. But angels are currently on a higher plane than mankind. Hebrews 2:6-7 states, “What is man, that You are mindful of him? Or the son of man, that You visit him? You made him a little lower than the angels; You crowned him with glory and honor, and set him over the works of Your hands...” And verse 5 states, “For unto the angels has He not put in subjection the world to come, whereof we speak.”
Despite being superior to physical human beings, angels do not marry—and the reason is different from why animals do not marry. Simply put, angels do not need to reproduce. God created them to fulfill a specific purpose, which did not require reproduction. Made immortal, they cannot die, and thus producing offspring to replace them is unnecessary. And since angels do not rear offspring, they do not need to marry or form family relationships.
Notice Christ’s statement in Mark 12:25, regarding people being resurrected as spirit beings: “For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.”
Other verses show that God set the archangel Lucifer over the earth, with one-third of the angels under him. But Lucifer rebelled against his Creator—seeking to take more authority than he was given and to do things his own way—and, because of this attitude, he has sought to destroy and undermine God’s purpose on earth ever since. Now called Satan (which means “adversary”), beginning in the Garden, he has swayed humanity against God and His way of life for 6,000 years. The former angels under him, who joined in his rebellion, became demons. This present evil age is influenced by and subjected to these deceived fallen beings. But in the world to come—the time in the near future when the kingdom of God will be established on earth—Satan and his demons will be restrained. They will be removed from mankind’s presence—“bound” (Rev. 20:1-2)—and will no longer be able to dominate and influence the nations of earth.
Today, man is lower than the angels. But, when men are born into the kingdom of God, this will change. Let’s read further than we did previously: “You made him a little lower than the angels; You crowned him with glory and honor, and set him over the works of Your hands: You have put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that He put all in subjection under him, He left nothing that is not put under him. But now we see not yet all things put under him” (Heb. 2:7-8). The ultimate destiny of man is to have “all things” put into subjection under him.
To be crowned means to reign as royalty. And “all things” entail all that the eye can see—and everything beyond. The Moffatt translation of this verse renders “all things” as “the universe.” In other words, the vast, expanding universe will one day be put under man!
At this time, those waiting in the grave, and those who are today preparing to be born in the first resurrection, are heirs to this glorious rulership over all things, and as we have seen are joint heirs with Christ (Rom. 8:17).
Hebrews 2:9 states, “But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death, crowned with glory and honor...” The glorified Christ is now awaiting those whom God the Father is calling today (John 6:44), in this age, and for 2,000 years, to join Him as joint-heirs in rulership!
The apostle John was inspired to record this about how we shall appear in glory with Christ: “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it does not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is” (I John 3:2).
That time is drawing very near, but there is still time in this age for a few more to qualify for the marvelous salvation of God!
Of all God’s creation, only man has the potential of being born into the God Family. Although he is now only physical, material, man has the capacity to be begotten and converted as a son of God and an heir to His kingdom.
Angels do not receive such an honor and glorious opportunity. They were created to serve God’s special purposes in numerous ways, as agents, instruments, messengers and representatives in carrying out His will. The purpose of angels is to minister to those who are in the process of becoming heirs of salvation (Heb. 1:14). Also notice this in Hebrews: “Being made so much better than the angels, as He [Christ] has by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they. For unto which of the angels said He at any time, You are My Son, this day have I begotten you...?” (1:4-5).
Though they are spirit beings who generally remain undetected (Heb. 13:2), angels serve and protect fragile human beings, and deliver them from a host of pitfalls, difficulties and potential tragedy that could cut short their destiny to join Christ in rulership in the kingdom of God.
In life, a son of royalty, such as a prince, is assigned a tutor or trainer. The tutor, who is wiser and more knowledgeable, helps the young boy over the years to reach his full potential—to learn, grow and mature to the point of being able to reign.
Likewise, angels are ministering spirits who serve those who possess a greater potential than their own. God’s begotten sons—unborn princes and princesses in training—have angels assisting them in fulfilling their ultimate potential.
Colossians 3:18-19 shows that in order to fulfill their God-ordained roles, husbands and wives share a mutual responsibility in respecting each other. Notice how this works: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
The apostle Peter repeats what Paul stated, “Likewise, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands” (I Pet. 3:1). Just as His Church is to submit to the loving authority and leadership of Jesus Christ, wives are to be in subjection to their husbands. While no wife should ever obey her husband in matters where he instructs her to in any fashion disobey God, she is to yield to her husband as her “head” in the same manner that the Church is instructed to yield to its Head—the living Jesus Christ.
In Ephesians 5, Paul covers the proper roles within the husband-wife relationship in greater detail. Carefully read this longer passage, and comprehend the extraordinary and marvelous picture that it presents of what is really happening once the human marriage bond has taken place. Let’s notice further:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (vs. 22-33).
Every married couple should periodically read these verses. More than perhaps any other, they will serve to keep the big picture in mind when it comes to marriage—and this includes sex in marriage!
The incredible parallel described above cannot be missed! The purpose of the husband-wife marriage bond, human sexuality, and the family relationship that stems from this, is called “a great mystery”—one that parallels the spiritual relationship between Christ and His Church. And it has remained hidden from the wise of the world who have rejected the Source that would have revealed it.
Sadly, the world understands almost nothing of what you have just read. The confused thinking of modern psychologists, marriage “counselors,” coupled with the hostile, God-rejecting thinking of modern “feminism”—and because the world does not know where to find the true Church of God, so that it can witness how it submits to Christ’s rule, and how the loving marriages within that Church reflect His Church—the world has been left in near complete darkness about what it means to enjoy a happy, godly marriage!
Now let’s read a truly eye-opening passage found in Revelation 19:7-8, and grasp the awesome picture of how marriage on the human scale reflects what lies ahead for the true saints of God, when the greatest marriage in all eternity occurs: “Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to Him [the glorified Christ]: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and His wife has made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.”
The wife of the Lamb—the Church of God—is instructed to make herself ready for her spiritual Husband—the returning Jesus Christ. She prepares herself by putting on fine linen—righteousness—and this preparation process has been quietly occurring for 2,000 years in the Church that Jesus Christ built and heads (Matt. 16:18; Eph. 1:22-23; Col. 1:18), beginning in A.D. 31.
Let’s momentarily return to Ephesians 5. The spiritual bride of Christ getting herself ready requires the undergoing of an extensive cleansing process, only to be completed when she becomes arrayed in white linen after the resurrection, described throughout I Corinthians 15.
Now notice further: “That He [Christ] might sanctify and cleanse it [the Church—His wife] with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish” (vs. 26-27).
A stable family life requires a stable home, which means a stable husband-wife relationship—all made possible through the divine institution of marriage. A close, intimate marriage requires faithfulness to a marriage covenant. All of these elements of marriage and family mirror God’s Supreme Purpose for all humanity.
Let’s state this plainly so that none can miss the great parallel revealed by God in Scripture: The husband-wife relationship mirrors the very divine marriage relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church. Likewise, the human family unit parallels the God Family, showing that God is reproducing Himself. Marriage, family and the roles of husband and wife are God-plane relationships—gifts given by a loving Creator that are intended to prepare His children toward final achievement of their incredible human potential!
But there are still unanswered questions about sex—most important among them being, why is it necessary?
Must the purposes discussed in the previous chapters—marriage and procreation—be accomplished only through sex? Could God have fulfilled His Purpose using other means? Given the widespread misuse of sex, and the suffering that has resulted, would the condition of marriages and families be better without it? Could God have devised a superior method of carrying out His Purpose that would have alleviated so much of what was described in the early chapters?
While we have already briefly discussed the Puritan underpinnings of the supposedly most “pure” view of sex, more detail is necessary before continuing.
We learned that many of the early “fathers” of traditional Christianity came to view sex as a “necessary evil.” They believed that it was to be used only for conception, and even this use was considered suspect, and only to be used by those few who were not strong enough to hold to the higher moral ideal of celibacy. (One or two extremely rigid groups even believed that procreation itself is sin. It is no wonder that such a foolish belief caused these to eventually die out.)
Again, their view was heavily influenced by asceticism and Neo-Platonist philosophy, which held that the flesh is an intrinsically evil prison, which contains—and hinders—an inherently good “immortal soul.”
According to this school of thought, physical needs or drives, such as the sex drive, were to be repressed and denied. Any physical pleasure derived from sex was considered sinful and degrading. These founders of Latin Christianity deemed sex an aberrance—a “divine mistake.” While much of the modern world has flipped to the other extreme in thinking—sex any time, with anyone, anywhere, in any fashion, and for any purpose—the underlying thinking, emanating from traditional, orthodox Christianity has remained officially the same as centuries past for the majority of the over 2 billion professing Christians alive today.
Various early theologians, such as Justin and Augustine, witnessed a Roman Empire in moral decline, a civilization in which promiscuity had led to widespread abortion and even infanticide, and where the enslavement of children as prostitutes was common.
Correctly convinced that this trend of sexual license was wrong, but blind to the instruction of Scripture, these leaders taught that freedom was found only in celibacy—the voluntary, complete suppression of sexual desire, and the refusal to marry.
Augustine (A.D. 354-430), bishop of Hippo, North Africa, is considered to have effected perhaps the greatest single influence on the development of Catholic doctrine. Halley’s Bible Handbook states, “More than any other he molded the doctrines of the church of the Middle Ages” (p. 764). Augustine was instrumental in solidifying and firmly establishing celibacy among the clergy as a mainstay of Catholic teaching. While intensely debated today, perhaps as never before, the Vatican has refused to budge on the primacy of this thinking. The belief is still the same: Sex and marriage for those who serve God in official capacity—priests and nuns—is not and will not be considered acceptable.
Prior to his conversion to traditional Christianity in A.D. 387, Augustine had been sexually licentious, fathering a child out of wedlock and having numerous sexual partners. After his conversion, his feeling of guilt regarding his former behavior was so great that he felt compelled to abstain from sex or marriage—for life. His warped perceptions led him to conclude that the first sin committed by Adam and Eve was the sex act! (The History of the Church of God, part 16, Kelly). In the year 401, Augustine wrote, “Nothing is so powerful in drawing the spirit of a man downwards as the caresses of a woman” (Soliloquies). Contrast this with the clear instruction from the Proverbs: “Rejoice with the wife of your youth...be you ravished (figuratively intoxicated) always with her love” (Prov. 5:18-19).
In a tragic irony, the Roman church’s Council of Aix-la-Chapelle in A.D. 836 found that abortions and infanticide were commonly occurring in convents to hide the activities of non-celibate clerics (Vicars of Christ: The Dark Side of the Papacy, p. 404, de Rosa).
The concept that sex is evil, and that celibacy is the highest order of human existence, is a purely Satanic invention. Scripture plainly proves this, and reveals that this error—this tragically wrong thinking—was foretold to be a problem even for those in God’s Church as the world began to reach the end of the age, or what is referred to here as the “latter times.” Let’s notice: “Now the Spirit speaks expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils [Greek: demons]; speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; forbidding to marry” (I Tim. 4:1-3).
Celibacy is plainly labeled by God as demonic!
Grasp this central and all-important understanding. Satan, as a sexless, individual—permanently unmarried—being, is not capable of reproduction. He is a fallen angel, and angels are all created, immortal beings not born of any kind of sexual reproduction. Satan has no part in the God-plane, family relationships pictured through marriage, having children and the family unit. Again, the Bible reveals that angels do not marry, and thus cannot have or experience this relationship or the birth of children into it (Matt. 22:30).
The devil is envious of this human privilege, and relentlessly assaults the institution of marriage, and the proper use of sex. His primary weapon is false information—deceit and outright lies (John 8:44). His goal is to create confusion about the roles of male and female, including why God made human beings the way that He did, and why sex, marriage and family would be necessary. In his hostile, deceived thinking, he no longer even has the potential to understand how he could have assisted in the carrying out of God’s Master Plan of reproducing Himself through human beings.
The tactics and strategy that Satan employs in his attacks is variable. For those who historically professed a “form of godliness” (II Tim. 3:5), Satan imposed the guilt-wracked counterfeit “chastity” of Catholicism. However, as times changed, and the domination of this religious system waned to some extent, he changed his approach to appeal to shifting popular opinion. He recognized that, given the opportunity and a different social climate, unbridled human nature would be more than happy to indulge in sex for any purpose. The key would be to make sure that social conditioning would permit this acceptance. We saw that he has done his work very, very well.
Chapters Two and Three offered but the briefest glimpse that, in the twenty-first century, the moral pendulum has indeed swung to the opposite extreme. Men could see the terrible effects of repressive traditional morality, but rather than seeking a balanced solution, there ensued a revolution of cultural values, in which “free” sex—without moral restrictions of any kind—came to replace harsh standards of chastity.
The result has been that society is now so saturated with every conceivable form of sex that it nearly numbs the senses. We discussed how the content of network and cable television, radio, and virtually every other medium becomes more provocative with each passing “season.” Programs range from suggestive, to semi-pornographic—to full-blown pornography for those willing to pay for the “special channels”! Meanwhile, the Internet offers the easiest-ever, and also the cheapest ever, access to sexually-explicit material, with an estimated 25 percent of web “searches” being pornography-related as of 2003. Evidence suggests that this percentage has risen sharply.
Despite abstinence education programs, the efforts of churches, and the explosion of deadly sexually-transmitted diseases such as AIDS, casual sex continues to flourish. Fear as a deterrent seems to have largely become a thing of the past.
The modern secular world has thrown off nearly every restraint in favor of raw hedonism—pursuit of pleasure above all and in every forum in which it is available. Western culture, in particular, is obsessed with sex as a recreational pursuit, like golf or boating.
Though it involves a different form of falsehood, this approach also represents an attack on marriage. Rather than ensuring, as did the doctrine of the “Christian” fathers, that sex within marriage would be joyless and guilt-ridden, the “free love” concept shatters any sense of sanctity or exclusiveness that exists when there is sex between spouses. It opens the Pandora’s Box of sex outside of marriage, in every possible variety, combination and number of partners!
Ancient Corinth struggled with the amoral environment of the Roman Empire. This atmosphere was even affecting the brethren of this congregation. Paul wrote them, “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (I Cor. 7:2). Modern amoral permissiveness acknowledges no need to avoid fornication! It advocates the right of an individual to engage in sex whenever, however, and with whomever he or she pleases—although usuallywith a qualifier conceding that it should be between “consenting adults.”
Given humanity’s tendency, under the sway of Satan, to mishandle, misunderstand and pollute sex—and this is what men do with every gift of God, given for mankind’s benefit—we ask again: Was sex necessary? Why did God create it?
The purpose of sex is directly connected to the nature of the kingdom of God—which is equivalent to the governing Family of God!
Let’s state again that the human family was instituted by God for a great purpose. It is His method of training us—preparing us to join the ultimate family—the God Family—upon resurrection and change from human flesh to spirit (I Cor. 15:48-54).
Every healthy family relationship is based on love. And love is the foundation of God’s character—the definition of His nature. Twice, the apostle John records, “God is love” (I John 4:8, 16)! Love is not merely something God has, but is rather what He is.
This attribute is also the first of the fruits of God’s Spirit, qualities which are to be evident in the life of a Christian (Gal. 5:22). This love binds together the members of the God Family—currently the Father and Jesus Christ (John 1:1-14).
Marriage between a man and woman is also designed to be based on love, as a reflection of Christ’s relationship with His true Church. We read earlier: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it...So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies...For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh” (Eph. 5:25-31).
Stated plainly, the “cause” of marriage is love!
Also, sex itself is set forth as another cause—actually directly interconnected with love—for marriage in the Genesis account of the creation of Adam and Eve, and Christ confirms this in the New Testament: “He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause, shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they two shall be one flesh” (Matt. 19:4-5). The phrase “one flesh” is a direct reference to the sex act within marriage.
These two causes—love and sex—are inseparable within God’s intended design and purpose. Love between spouses is expressed through the means of sex, and God uses marital sex to ingrain within us the principle of love!
This leads to another central question: What exactly is love?
Most in the modern age have been sold a false concept of love. This concept is perpetuated in literature, film and music, with endless intoning of lyrics about “love”—“I love you, You are my one and only love, Let’s make ‘love’, I want to love you tonight,” etc. Love has been mistakenly equated with romantic feelings, physical attraction or sexual desire—and illicit sexual relations. It is invariably confused with simple lust!
All forms of lust are selfishly motivated. It is a desire to “have” another person sexually, in order to gratify one’s own senses.
This is the opposite of true love!
The language of the New Testament, Greek, includes three distinct words that may be translated “love.” We will briefly examine each of these words.
Agape is spiritual love. This is the word used in Scripture to describe the love of God. It is pure, completely selfless love, which can only enter the human mind through God’s Spirit (Rom. 5:5). When God says that He is love, He is speaking of agape.
Philia or Philadelphia can be translated as “brotherly love.” This is natural human love between family members or friends.
Eros is sexual love, as intended by God to exist within the confines of marriage. This is love that is expressed by the physical means of affection and sex. However, this is not the same as lust, which is expressed by different Greek words.
True, mature love can be defined as genuine concern that is directed outwardly toward another. Love is unselfish. It is not focused on getting or taking, but rather is interested in the welfare of others, and is centered on the desire to give.
Those motivated by love believe Christ’s statement, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Though many have heard or read these words, very few actually apply them. To do so is contrary to human nature, which is essentially selfish.
Enjoyable sensations, as well as those that are noxious or painful, can be received through each of the five senses. The influential Catholic minds, mentioned earlier, considered the enjoyment of any physical sensation to be sinful. The well-known expression about tasting a wonderful dessert, “It’s so good, it must be sin,” comes directly from this once-ingrained mode of thinking. However, God designed the human body, including the nervous system, which incorporates all of the senses! He alone determines their right and proper use!
In His love and generosity toward man, God created the capacity to enjoy the taste of fine food—the scent of an orchard in spring—the beautiful sight of a perfect sunset—the uplifting sound of quality music—the feel of soft material on one’s body.
The senses themselves are not sinful—it is the wrong use of them that is sin!
Learning to recognize quality, and to discern between the wholesome and the degenerate, is an important part of the character-building process. Those who are building the character of God are engaged in the process of “by reason of use hav[ing] their senses exercised to discern both good and evil” (Heb. 5:14). Human beings are expected to use their five senses, working through God’s Spirit, and apply their minds to expressing love toward neighbor and toward God.
In the New Testament, Jesus reinforced the two broad commandments found in the Old Testament, which are still applicable today: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind...You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:37, 39).
One is permitted to love the self as much as a neighbor. This alone is a challenge, as the natural mind of man is based primarily on the love of self above others.
However, God requires that human beings love Him more than self! This is impossible for the ordinary human mind, which is naturally hostile to God: “Because the carnal mind is enmity [the enemy of, antagonistic] against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be” (Rom 8:7).
You were born with a mind that is automatically contrary to the love of God. Man in his natural state is capable of expressing only two of the three kinds of love—philia and eros.
The love of God—agape—is spiritual love. This is a love that is beyond the human level. It is simply absent in the natural mind—and cannot be developed without the Holy Spirit present in that mind! Therefore, human beings, of and by themselves, cannot love God! It is not possible for them to do this.
So how then may a person fulfill the command to love God above self?
The answer is found in I John 4:19: “We love Him, because He first loved us.” Christians—those who have been begotten of the Holy Spirit—receive at conversion a portion of the love of God through His Spirit (Rom. 5:5). This love is then expressed back to God through obedience to His Law.
All of God’s commandments, including the Ten Commandments, are summarized in the two broad principles above—love for God and love for man.
The Bible states that God is a Spirit (John 4:24), but that He created humans from physical matter. This was by careful design with a Supreme Purpose in mind—if men would come to understand and yield to it. God created man physically complete, but spiritually incomplete—lacking the Spirit of God.
I repeat that humans are capable of both philia and eros. But even philia has a selfish element, as it is directed toward our “brothers”—by extension, our family, our friends, those in our group—those who could also potentially benefit the self.
Since man is incapable of agape—spiritual love—God created sex to allow him to enjoy the blessings of marriage and family on the physical level.
Of all created beings, God designed humans alone to be capable of entering God-plane relationships. This is unlike any other living creation—animal, plant or even angels. Sex, marriage and the family make it possible for physical man to have a foretaste of membership in the God Family.
Sex in marriage, when unfettered by misconceptions and guilt, is almost certainly the pinnacle of the physical experience. However, since it is most often misused, and not confined to marriage, it then most often becomes the very worst source of pain and regret. The Bible also explains that “God is not mocked”—human beings “reap what [they] sow” (Gal. 6:7)!
God intended sex to stay within the boundaries of wedlock for a tremendously important reason. He wished to spare His children the terrible unhappiness that can result from fornication. This includes all of the psychological “baggage” automatically involved, and, in some cases, the physical damage that may result from sexually-transmitted disease or from injury due to ignorance!
God gave sex to man as a gift—a very special and marvelous gift, unlike any other. He knew that something more would be necessary to closely bind a marriage. He also knew that unselfish agape love of God would be absent in the vast majority of human beings, and that this form of love would have to enter every human mind through conversion. He created the physical body, with its five senses and sexual capacity, carrying the very greatest potential within the human body for intense pleasure and enjoyment, and called it “very good.” He then gave mankind His Law, which directs people in the right use of His physical creation, and leads to happiness and every blessing that all human beings desire.
Sex makes possible the blessings of marriage, home and family. It is meant to bring a husband and wife together as closely as two people can possibly be bound, and the delectable pleasure that comes from this intimate encounter binds in a way as can no other activity between human beings.
However, believing that he knows more than the One who designed sex, it is almost as though man has purposely set out to taint and mishandle sex in every conceivable way. Thus, he has reaped a veritable ocean of misery and other wrong results—jumbled up, broken homes, single-parent families, divorce, juvenile delinquency, orphans, unwanted pregnancies, abortion, adoption, rampant disease, rage-related crimes against spouses, and so many others.
If only man would submit to God’s wisdom and enjoy the blessings that a loving Creator wishes to bestow!
We need to revisit a point mentioned earlier. After creating Adam and Eve, the Designer gave them instruction—He educated them. This education included the following plain directive: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
This is more than mere symbolism. It is a plain command—“they shall”—to the married couple to come together in sexual union.
The apostle Paul expounds this point in a condemnation of fornication, which is sexual activity outside of marriage: “Now the body is not for fornication...Know you not that he which is joined to an harlot [prostitute] is one body? For two, says He, shall be one flesh” (I Cor. 6:13, 16). Notice that Paul also refers to Genesis to define the meaning of “one flesh.” The New Testament supports the Old Testament on this as it does in so many other points—and vice-versa.
God commands that a man and woman become one flesh in sexual intercourse—but only within marriage. Throughout the Bible, and often in the strongest possible language, God condemns the use of sex in any other context than that of marriage between one woman and one man. Any illicit use of sex—and God includes adultery, premarital sex, homosexuality, bestiality, incest or other perversions—violates the Seventh Commandment.
Scripture instructs people to avoid all possible contamination of sex. The physical body was intended to serve as the very temple for the Holy Spirit, received upon repentance and baptism (Acts 2:38) and dwelling in us from that point forward. Put another way, your body is to be reserved as a place in which the perfect, holy, pure Supreme Creator of the entire universe may enter and dwell. How few today are living their lives with this in mind.
Continuing in Paul’s instruction to the Corinthians, and this is most emphatic: “Flee fornication...Know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own? For you are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body” (I Cor. 6:18-20). Of course, most people have no idea that their body was designed to literally “house” God Almighty. Rather, most today seem to live as though their bodies are the city dump—a place in which every vile, rotten and foul thing dwells!
One of the chief themes in chapters five through seven of I Corinthians is sex, and sex within the marriage relationship. In context throughout, the instruction to “glorify God in your body” equates to a command to actively use the gift of sex—but to use it properly, and only within marriage!
Many today seem to live as though they have no conscience. So many now lack the once more present inner human voice reminding them of right and wrong—and I am not here speaking of the Spirit of God leading Christians from within. When it comes to sex, millions of consciences no longer experience the slightest hint or inkling of feeling that they are doing anything that could be wrong.
If one is repeatedly exposed to a false concept, it can become deeply ingrained, as if burned into the mind with a branding iron. A burn on the skin will often form a scar. Scar tissue is different from healthy tissue in two ways: It is neither as strong nor as flexible as normal skin. In other words, it does not function as well as it should, and it is not easily or quickly changed.
The kind of scarring described here is referred to in Scripture as one who has had his conscience “seared with a hot iron” (I Tim. 4:2). The mental and emotional scars caused by this falsehood leave them unable to experience the kind of happiness that God intended within marriage.
But no matter how far one has gone into immoral, or even amoral, sexual behavior—and I recognize that this could include many (probably most) readers of this book—one’s conscience can be successfully reprogrammed to come to feel as God intended. A tender conscience can return to the most hardened person, but only with God’s help.
The only way out of this predicament is to seek God in fervent prayer, asking Him to completely cleanse false concepts from the mind! Then one must actively and intensely study the Bible so that God’s thoughts regarding sex can replace all the wrong kinds of human thinking. Finally, spending a great deal of time regularly thinking about the principles and laws being learned from God’s Word—the Bible calls this meditation—will help ingrain them as deeply-held values.
There is a second and opposite kind of problem that can also sear the conscience.
Because they have been conditioned to wrong thinking, many people enter the marriage relationship having a false sense that they are wounding their conscience through the enjoyment of sexual pleasure. The idea that sex, even within marriage, is shameful, has reduced many marriages to a study in misery. Frigidity and inability to overcome feelings of guilt have blocked true marital happiness for tens of billions of couples over thousands of years. This is a separate and very real problem that many readers of this book are facing.
Satan has effectively deceived the masses about sex from the moment that he was so successful in this way with the first couple. Like Adam and Eve, so many women—and this can certainly include men—seek to cover themselves in shame, even within their own bedrooms, until the lights are out.
Many have been so thoroughly conditioned to the idea that sex is shameful that their minds and consciences have also become “seared with a hot iron” (I Tim. 4:2), the only difference being that they feel the wrong things, instead of feeling nothing at all. The mental and emotional scars caused by this supposed Christian thinking have left them unable to experience the kind of happiness that God intended within marriage.
No matter which of these two backgrounds the reader brings to this book—a free-sex, licentious past behavior or the once more typical “sex-is-shameful” thinking—there is hope for you. You can recover! But it involves seeing the big picture presented here.
Paralleling the instruction in Genesis, the New Testament also provides plain instruction regarding sexual relations.
Let’s return to I Corinthians 7 and Paul’s instruction to those tempted with fornication and considering what to do about it. Notice: “Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (vs. 1-2).
Two points arise from this passage: The statement that “It is good for a man not to touch a woman” is almost certainly Paul reiterating what a member or members of the Corinthian congregation had previously written to—“wrote unto”—Paul. This scripture is certainly not some kind of broad endorsement or mandate for celibacy, because it would contradict the very next verse. Some in Corinth, like today, were recoiling from rampant promiscuity to the position that “all sex is bad.”
Also, verse 2 states that one purpose of marriage is “to avoid fornication”—to channel sexual urges into the proper, God-ordained realm of wedlock! No reference to procreation is found here!
However, as the reader progresses to verse three, the language of the King James Bible, translated in 1611, reflects a bias toward the repressive morality of that period. This may blur its intended meaning. Let’s read: “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”The vague phrase “due benevolence” used here is actually referring to sexual relations. Continuing, “The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife” (vs. 4).
Let’s understand. Though God has “bought us with a price,” He gives each married person a certain “power” over the body of his or her spouse. The husband and wife literally belong to each other physically, and each should willingly give to the other sexually!
Although virtually all women and (less commonly) men will have occasional days during which they are genuinely “not in the mood” for sexual intercourse, God forbids any pattern of selfish denial of a spouse’s natural sexual needs, sometimes called “frigidity” in the realm of psychology, but which is usually plain selfishness. But Paul admonishes the married Christian: “Defraud you not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency” (vs. 5). (This will be revisited in a later chapter.)
The teaching that sex is intended strictly for procreation has kept countless millions of spouses from enjoying this wonderful gift of God—and being able to release themselves so that sexual enjoyment can occur. This idea offers two alternatives: Either severely restrict, or deny altogether, God-ordained desires within matrimony—or enjoy the exquisite pleasure of sex and pay the penalty of eternal torment in a fictional “hell-fire.” Is it surprising, then, that the annals of marriage are overflowing with frigid wives (or husbands), frustrated husbands (or wives) and loveless unions?
Truly, any supposed god who would present this impossible situation to his followers would be a monster—an incredibly cruel being. He would be a “god” that creates the potential for intense pleasure through orgasm while expecting people to deny themselves this enjoyment even though they knew he had created them that way. Satan—the “god of this world” (II Cor. 4:4), and the real author of this falsehood—fits the bill perfectly!
The great law of cause and effect is seen with painful clarity in the terrible confusion permeating the many humanly-devised wrong concepts and uses of sex and sex in marriage. The effect—the transformation of marriage from God-given delight to diabolical curse—springs from a very real cause: ignorance and rejection of God’s Word—His plain instruction for mankind!
Sex truly is necessary to preserve marriage, and to impart lessons in character that prepare us for an eternity in God’s kingdom. Used rightly in wedlock, sex as an act of love and affection, apart from procreation, is not only permissible—it is commanded!
But other vitally important and basic information about the physical sex organs is necessary for couples to possess in order to properly carry out God’s command. Before discussing them, we must first discuss the enormous differences between sex in human beings and sex throughout the animal kingdom.
As explained, the Word of God does not contain all knowledge. Rather, it contains basic, foundational—revealed—knowledge, knowledge that is now understood to be unavailable from any other source. The Bible is, in fact, the foundation—the starting point—for all knowledge. God’s Instruction Book even provides the right way to the acquisition of all forms of knowledge. Therefore, it is no different for the subject of this book than for any other—the Bible is the beginning point to acquire all of the necessary information to form the foundation regarding right understanding of sex.
Beginning with any other source blocks any possibility of coming to the right conclusion about this subject!
Once the right foundation is in place, the superstructure can be built with the additional knowledge of the physical details of sex. The previous chapters of this book laid the proper foundation. The physical details of anatomy and sex are now able to be viewed with a right attitude and a correct perspective.
Remember. Everything that God does—every element of His creation—is designed and carried out through His love, and for the greatest good of all humanity.
In regard to basic reproduction, the physical process by which this occurs in humans and mammals is much the same. Yet, there are vital differences—most of them unseen—beyond the mere purpose of the propagation of species.
Whether in animals or humans, reproduction is accomplished through union of male and female cells. Reproduction with two sexes involved is how most all of physical life is carried on. There are male and female in flowers, plants and the entirety of the animal kingdom, from tiny insects to huge mammals—and, of course, mankind.
I have long enjoyed horticulture, which is the study and planting of flowers, bushes and trees. Many plants, such as holly bushes, are found in nature only as male and female—Blueboy and Bluegirl, Chinaboy and Chinagirl, Blueprince and Blueprincess varieties, etc.—and berries cannot appear on female holly bushes unless a male plant (these never produce berries) is relatively close by for bees to pollinate.
In mammals and humans, it is from the egg, or ovum, as it is properly called, where reproduction begins. The ovum is always produced in the body of the female. Of and by itself, the egg has a limited lifespan and is infertile. For impregnation to occur, sustaining life must be given by a sperm cell, or spermatozoon. These cells are produced in the male’s body. Upon entering the ovum, the sperm cell unites with the nucleus, at which point either a human or an animal has been begotten and, unless interfered with, will develop into the same breed or kind as its parents.
Conception (or a begettal) has occurred at this fertilization of the ovum. When this has happened in a woman, she is considered to be “with child” or pregnant. Next follows a stage of growing from this conception to the point of birth, referred to as the gestation period. Parturition is said to happen at birth.
In humans and mammals, the physical reproduction process is the same, yet between human and animal females, there are most important biological differences that must be understood. This chapter will discuss those differences.
Ova (plural of ovum) are produced in the body of women and female mammals by two ovaries. If not fertilized, the egg cell, produced about every 4 weeks in women, will be discharged from the uterus with a little blood. This is called menstruation—when a woman is said to be having her “period”—and occurs normally in human females approximately 13 times each year.
However, recognize that there is no menstruation in animals as occurs in women in the same sense and manner. Instead, a “rutting period” happens in female animals, but not with the same frequency as humans. At this time, a female animal is said to be “in heat.” An example would be that in female dogs, this condition occurs about every 6 to 8 months. The frequency in other animals may be more or less. Only during this period of heat do animals produce the ovum or ova. Outside of this time, female animals are almost completely sexless. In fact, so much so that the female will not allow the act of breeding nor does the male animal very often attempt it. She will actually fight him off if he does.
When in this rutting period, the sexual organs of animals secrete substances that release an odor exciting the animals—male and female—automatically (and this is through instinct instilled into the animal) inducing them to perform the breeding act. When “in heat,” which signals the presence of an ovum, the female animal is driven to mate with the male. And, upon “sensing” a female “in heat,” the male animal will be driven to mate with her, even at risk of peril to his life. Most people are familiar with how dogs, particularly males, will seemingly do anything to get at each other during heat.
But, unless and until the female is in this rutting period, her sex organs are dormant, and she cannot be aroused sexually. No impregnation of the female animal can occur outside of this time. When understood, then, it becomes clear that sex in the animal world serves no other purpose except for that of reproduction. There is not—does not exist—any expression of love with any kind of animal as humans experience it.
Therefore, animals do not marry. In this regard, they have no home—no actual family relationships among themselves—as do humans. While animal rights activists allege that animals have “feelings” and can be “hurt,” and although they can develop a kind of sense of companionship, again, they are not capable of experiencing love in any of its forms—the love of God, brotherly love or erotic love. I repeat: The love relationship between a husband and wife is completely non-existent throughout the animal world.
On the other hand, a rutting period is never the case with female humans. Despite such vulgar depictions by Hollywood actresses and pornography, women are never “in heat.” After reaching puberty, and until menopause (approximately ages fourteen to the middle forties), women have a monthly period (approximately each twenty-eight days) during which they menstruate.
This menstruation is simply not the case in female animals.
In women, little difference is made—whether in desire for, or reluctance in opposition to, sexual intercourse—by the presence of an ovum in a Fallopian tube. If there is any difference one way or the other, it is very slight.
Does this carry any meaning?
The answer is that there is vitally important meaning here. For the purpose of producing offspring, it is the same for both female humans and animals. But there is an enormous additional hidden difference regarding the functions and responses of sex in women and that of sex in animals. At no time during the month is a woman sexless—neither incapable of sexual union with her husband, nor her sexual function dormant or latent. She is able to engage in sex at any given time as much as any other.
God created men and women on a plane infinitely above that of animals. He intended that sexual intercourse in humans be a means of bestowing reciprocal love to one another. He designed the sex organs of women so that they may be used for the purpose of sharing love—even when pregnancy is almost impossible. This is not the case with animals, as procreation alone determines when and whether they will come together.
Again, there is no marriage within the animal kingdom. And, in animals, sex is for the purpose of breeding, not lovemaking. There is no warm, loving embrace that occurs between animals—no kissing, hugging and caressing with arms wrapped around one another, and where this would contribute to arousal in either male or female. There is also no face-to-face encounter which could include conversation only between human beings. Animals were simply not created with the physical ability or any interest in doing these things. The male animal simply mounts the back of the female, delivers the spermatozoa and leaves. Actually, the female is perfectly willing to and may entertain many males in this way.
With animals, sex in no way serves the purpose of lovemaking! Animals do not experience a feeling or understanding of love with the “partner.” No brotherly love (“philia”) or romantic love (“eros”) exists in animals. And they are not able to obtain, from God, “agape” or godly love by receiving His Spirit. But they also do not experience lust—and are never in a position where they must overcome illicit feelings about when or whether to engage in sex. They do what they do by instinct alone, as it has been imparted to them by God. They are simply “doing what comes naturally.”
Since animals can neither experience outflowing love for another animal or the illicit desire of lust, they have no responsibility to choose one above the other. But human beings have been endowed with the privilege of showing love in sexual union, and avoiding all wrong desire. They will be held accountable for whether or not they use God’s gift for His purpose of character building. This is serious!
Reproduction in mammals, however, is accomplished by the same process as in humans. Yet, it must be understood that humans are not the highest form of animals as evolutionists falsely assert. Sex between a husband and wife serves a much greater and higher purpose—a God-ordained purpose—than solely that of reproduction. In this way—being subject to and being able to comprehend this purpose—they are completely different than and vastly beyond the capability of any animal species.
But here is an example of how far thinking can go wrong in Satan’s world.
In a gross perversion of thinking, reversing the obvious message and lessons of nature, some have actually sought to look to animals for keys to why humans behave as they do—and to how, in turn, they should behave. Seeing that animals are not monogamous, certain social psychologists, guided by evolutionary thinking, have suggested non-monogamous behavior, particularly by men, is normal—even healthy—and to be expected!
For instance, some behaviorists observe that male dogs and certain other male animals urinate in small amounts in many locations to mark their territory, and sire pups or other litters indiscriminately with many females. This led these “scientists” to conclude that those men who fornicate or commit adultery and father children through numerous women are merely carrying out the male’s natural tendency to do these same things. Worse, thinking in reverse and now armed with “facts,” they go on to use such plain immorality as proof of evolution.
Such gross confusion—such perverse ignorance!
Thus, rejecting the existence of an intelligent Supreme Creator, evolutionists have wrongly classified man as part of the animal kingdom. They do not believe that men and women were created with purpose through sound, thoughtful, wise planning and careful design. Instead, they blindly believe that man somehow descended, over the process of millions of years, from some earlier form of animals related to anthropoid apes. This supposedly occurred through hereditary reproduction shaped by local forces and natural processes, which in the end were somehow able to bring about the marvelous and exquisitely-formed final product known as human beings.
But we must ask: If this were true, how, why and at what point did animal instinct disappear to be replaced by human mind with the human spirit? Where is the fossil record to explain this long, slow change? Why are there no true links from one species to the next to demonstrate this chasm between man and the very highest of animals? How can one explain the incredible differences between animals and humans regarding sex, if no supremely intelligent God first designed and then created sex, and for definite purposes as we have seen?
But there is more that evolutionists simply cannot explain—the occurrence of menopause in female humans and what happens afterwards!
Most girls reach puberty sometime around the ages of twelve to fourteen. At that time, their body begins to undergo a series of dramatic physical changes. The hips begin to spread, so that childbirth can be possible, the breasts develop so as to produce milk for newborn babies and the ovaries begin producing eggs. Also, it is at this point that girls begin having a menstrual cycle, although this cycle does not become regular immediately. (It can happen relatively quickly or take several months.) This span of time during which they are fertile and may become pregnant lasts about thirty to thirty-five years.
During this time of fertility, at about once every twenty-eight days, an egg is produced alternately from each ovary. The ovum travels into the Fallopian tube, where, if fertilized, a new human life will have been conceived. From there, the fertilized egg will travel to the womb, which has been prepared to receive the fertilized embryo. During a nine-month period of gestation that follows, it will be protected and nourished, and will grow until ready to be born.
However, if not fertilized by a sperm cell within a short time after leaving the ovary (approximately 48 hours), it will die. By itself, it has a very short lifespan. The lifeless egg is then discharged with a little blood from the uterus. Menstruation, as it is called, occurs over a period of five days or so.
Again, this 28-day cycle begins at puberty, from the time a girl experiences her first menstrual period. At this point, she is physically capable of becoming a mother, but not yet emotionally or mentally mature enough for that role and responsibility. Many more years of growth and maturation need to pass before the birth of a first child. But this ability to become pregnant will last for several decades, until a woman reaches a period known as menopause.
Menopause happens naturally anywhere from age forty to as late as age fifty or more. It is at this point—and this is actually a period of change that can last for two or up to several years—that a woman’s menstrual cycle stops, her ovaries stop producing eggs and she is no longer able to become pregnant. During this time of life change, a woman can experience “hot flashes,” nervousness and mood swings as changes in hormonal levels occur. The degree to which these effects take place varies among women and is dependent on their overall health—mental, physical and emotional.
While men experience nothing similar, they should strive to understand and assist in what can sometimes be a difficult and trying time for a wife.
Due to bad nutrition and other stress-related factors that are part of the twentieth- and now twenty-first-century world, millions of women alive today have found themselves facing a host of different kinds of menopause-related problems and complications. Partly driven by these problems, over the last century or so, medical science has increasingly found reasons to encourage women to circumvent this natural process through “hormone replacement” and other medical intervention, along with a variety of different kinds of surgery, including complete or partial hysterectomies—removal of certain or all of the reproductive portions of the female organs.
Removed from knowledge of God’s wonderful health laws, many have needlessly suffered through a time that all women were designed to pass through without great difficulty.
Another important question arises, and it looms over the subject of how human females and animal females are different.
Menopause does not occur in animals, so why then does it take place in women? And, one could also ask, why at this point in life? Why should a woman ever have to lose the ability to become pregnant? The reason is that at a certain point in life the demands of rearing children full-time begin to become more taxing and, depending on number of children, overwhelming. Nerves can be frayed and patience tried.
A wise, intelligent, loving God so designed that at this point in a woman’s life, she should not any longer carry the exhausting responsibility of bearing, delivering and caring for babies and teaching young children. In effect, God has made the decision for women that they no longer should do this.
Of course, this does not mean that women—or, for that matter, men—cease to enjoy little children upon reaching a particular age. Rather, it is at this age that they are becoming grandparents enjoying their grandchildren. But every grandparent knows that there is a natural point where they welcome their adult children taking the grandchildren home.
Let’s briefly return to a point just made. While some assert that there is what could now be called a certain form of “male menopause,” the reality is that men do not experience any such physical change even remotely similar to the menopause experienced by women. However, although this is generally unwise to do for a host of reasons, men do retain the ability to father children to a very old age.
Another question arises: Why does the capability for marital sex continue if the wife has lost her ability to bear children, with her ovaries no longer producing ovum?
It is because sex in humans was designed by the great Creator God for the additional and higher purpose of expressing love in marriage. This is the means by which a husband and wife express pure, blissful, rightful—and righteous—love toward and for one another. But this is not “animal sex” or “animal lust” as the terms have come to be incorrectly used, since sex in animals is solely for the purpose of procreation and has no higher meaning or purpose!
Husbands and wives are literally commanded by God to love one another. There is never a time or physical age when husbands and wives should stop loving each other. This attitude of outgoing concern for one another should carry right on through the couple’s forties, fifties, sixties and so on! (The Creator gave no such instruction to animals and they, in fact, do not do this, with most not living long enough to so further bond, anyway.)
Though at this point in age a woman is generally no longer able to become pregnant (of course, there are exceptions that periodically make their way into the news), her active participation in the expression of marital love through sexual intercourse with her husband continues. Actually, with the possibility of pregnancy eliminated, many women become less reluctant and often much more desirous of engaging in sexual intercourse with their husbands after menopause is completed. A loving God, who possesses outflowing care and concern for human beings as His potential children, purposefully, intentionally designed it so.
Of course, with the natural aging process of the physical body making it not designed to live forever, husbands and wives may slow down gradually—their sex drive will not be quite as strong, but will only slowly diminish—and sexual relations will not be wanted as often. But they will continue, through the act of coitus, to give, share and express love for one another for the remainder of their married lives. How much more should those in whom God’s Spirit dwells grow not only in the expressing of physical love, but as the years continue, the giving of spiritual love.
Unless withholding relations is directly attributed to severe and unusual health concerns, there should never be a point, no matter the age, when a couple decides to no longer have sexual relations. There should never come a point when the couple finds itself losing all interest in sex. If so, and health is not the reason, something is wrong! (In fact, designed differently than men, women remain multi-orgasmic—able to climax several times in an evening at relatively short intervals—decades into marriage.)
Marriage serves two purposes. One is the producing of children—being “fruitful” and “replenishing the earth” (Gen. 1:28)—the other is the expression of love through sexual embrace. While the former purpose does eventually come to an end—the latter one does not! Husband and wife should continue to be drawn ever closer together bound in true love through sexual intercourse—the expression of erotic love in their fulfillment of God’s original command to be “one flesh.”
No wonder that God ordained the marriage covenant “until death do us part.” How inspiring is this marvelous truth! Evolution cannot account for this, and evolutionists are completely, and in many cases willingly, ignorant of it.
There are very definite and striking physical and biological differences between human females and animal females that prove, in addition to God’s Word, that the purposes of human sex as designed by Him are not at all, nor could they be in any way, applicable to animals. They exist for the purpose of marriage between the human husband and the human wife—for family relationships—and the deep expression of love between a married couple. And it lasts into old age until separation at death.
The couple will have experienced more and more things together as the years of their marriage grow in number. These will increase the special fondness and affection that each feels for the other. The couple will have shared children, and eventually grandchildren, together. One or both may have experienced major illnesses or accidents from which the one partner had to aid in the process of nursing the other back to health. They will have almost certainly suffered and overcome a variety of different, and sometimes difficult, financial trials and challenges. At some point, there will have been the death of aging parents and/or siblings and, tragically, possibly the injury or death of their own children.
There are literally a host of different kinds of shared experiences, consisting of roadblocks, trials, tests, challenges and hurdles, as well as triumphs, victories, successes, achievements, hopes, dreams and other joyous occasions, that will bind the couple in an ever deeper love, entirely unique to their particular lives.
Animals experience nothing similar!
Nothing that man has ever designed or built can even begin to compare to the awesome mechanisms of the human mind and body. Though man has built and sent spacecraft to the moon and into the vast solar system, though he has designed nuclear submarines that can dive into the depths of the oceans, though he has developed super-fast computers that can perform trillions of calculations in less than a second and process vast amounts of knowledge, though he can construct towering skyscrapers or even the great pyramids, and though he can invent countless other modern marvels—each highly complicated and technical in its own right—he cannot match the genius of God’s greatest creation. All of these inventions and devices fade to irrelevance next to God’s great creative achievement—that ultimate masterpiece formed from the dust of the ground and fashioned after the Creator’s own image and likeness—man!
Through the pages of the Bible, Almighty God reveals much about Himself. Unlike man, who is made solely of physical matter, God is composed of Spirit (John 4:24). His Word tells us that He has arms, legs, hands and feet. He possesses a head, nose, mouth, eyes and ears, and all the other visible attributes of anatomy that man can observe in the design of himself.
Among all living creatures that God designed and made—animals, reptiles, birds, sea creatures, insects—only man possesses the intricately-designed and awe-inspiring human body, formed and fashioned after God’s own likeness, and the incredible human mind, endowed through the spirit in man with a measure of the creative genius of his Maker. Yet, unlike the Eternal God, who has life inherent in Him, man has only a temporary, limited, physical existence, sustained by the intake of oxygen and nutrients. Lacking these things for even a short while will bring his physical existence to a screeching halt!
The human body, as designed by God, has two fundamental types of systems: the life-supporting system, which includes the complex respiratory, circulatory, digestive, nervous and other systems—and the genital or sex system, which determines whether a person is male or female. Both of these systems are connected to the brain by the nervous system. Though the sex system does not serve to sustain the individual, it does serve to continue the race. It also generates love and desire of marriage, as well as stimulating wedded love toward preservation of home and family.
Still, the human genital apparatus does exhibit measurable sway on the life-supporting functions. After all, a woman’s body and mind are caused to be feminine by the female sex hormones built into her, just as the man’s mind and body are caused to be masculine by the male sex hormones he carries.
We have seen that the differences between human and animal sexuality are many and profound, and are visible across a broad range of categories. Here are some others.
Animals do not enjoy emotional highs and lows, let alone within marriage. While some animal behaviorists might claim otherwise, such “feelings” ascribed to animals are far from the kind of emotional capability that human beings possess. Animals also do not experience psychological differences in thinking—right brain/left brain, etc.—as do people. Again, neither do they experience carnal lust, or even the kind of routine desire for the opposite sex that human beings experience and must control. Beyond rudimentary, God-designed instinct, in preparation for reproduction, animals are not capable of consciously flaunting themselves in a seductive manner so that the opposite sex will notice and respond.
There is also a vast difference in the complex social experiences and relationships of human beings and that of the most “advanced” forms of “social” involvement found anywhere in the animal kingdom. Think of it this way: A pod of whales, a pride of lions, a herd of zebras or a flock of birds are not remotely comparable to the smallest village of people!
As a human being, you are utterly unique from all other living things in the world around you! No plant, nor animal—bird, fish, insect, mammal or reptile—is remotely comparable to all that you are, and all that you can become. None but human beings carry the astounding potential that God has assigned to man. You are simply unlike anything else God has created—and all approaches to sexual understanding must bear this in mind. This is the missing centerpiece of all that can be understood about sex—truly the missing dimension, lost to the masses today who have no idea why they were born.
In the next chapter, we will go much further in examining the differences, only touched upon so far in previous chapters, between male and female in their God-ordained design and function—and continue to reveal the unknown dimension in sex!
In the previous chapter, we looked at differences between humans and animals. We saw that there are multiple differences and that these differences are enormous. The same is true within the human species when it comes to men and women—male and female. There are significant and inspiring differences, and it is absolutely essential that they be understood if a couple is to experience the supreme happiness and joy that God intended for every marriage!
Much of what follows in describing male and female sex anatomy can be found in biology books. However, it will be presented here not from an evolutionary perspective, but from the perspective of the marvelous, creative genius of the greatest Master Architect—the Master Designer—the Eternal God.
From the age of puberty forward, it becomes vital that young people understand God’s purposes and His laws controlling sexual functions. They must be grounded in the understanding that God intended them, and has designed them, to live happy, enriching lives, and that this is regardless of age, sex or marital status. In a future chapter, we will explain how parents ought to teach their children certain things about sex, and it should be explained as soon as their little minds begin to be curious about their tiny bodies.
Many years before achieving social, mental and emotional maturity, man—unlike animals—reaches sexual maturity. Teenage girls and boys, years ahead of being qualified to handle the responsibilities of parenthood and marriage, are fully capable of becoming parents. In a social and moral climate unlike any other in history, when tremendous pressures are pushing them toward promiscuity, teenagers need a right understanding—a right attitude—toward sex. Only when presented from the right foundation—having minds opened to God’s purposes for sex and His laws regulating it—can adolescents have the strength to resist the pulls to engage in premarital sex.
Married couples also need this vital knowledge to preserve their marriages in continuing happiness. Lack of proper understanding in this area has been a major cause—and perhaps in many ways the very biggest physical cause—of frustration, conflict and unhappiness, often leading to the final conflict in marriage—separation, divorce and the end of the marital union.
Sex and the sex organs are neither to be viewed as shameful and evil, because they are not evil, nor are they to be used in reckless abandon and promiscuity outside the bonds of marriage as if they are a kind of toy to be used as would children. They are to be understood for exactly how God designed them and intended them to be used. He does not want mystery surrounding the wonderful gift and blessing of sexual function and potential.
So then, at the very least, a rudimentary knowledge of the sex organ anatomy, sex stimuli and functioning is necessary to understand this sexual function and potential.
First, the three functional categories of the genital system will be described and explained—and we must speak in explicit terms and detail. These are:
Glands. The glands produce the germinal cells and hormones of the body. The male glands are called testes, or testicles, and the female glands, ovaries.
Ducts. Germinating cells are transported through these tubes from the testes and ovaries, making fertilization possible. In the male, these tubes are called the vasa efferentia, the epididymis, the ejaculatory duct and the urethra. In the female, they are called the Fallopian tubes, or oviducts. The ovum is carried from the ovary to the uterus through these tubes or ducts.
Copulation organs. In the male, this organ is called the penis, and in the female, it is the vagina. Through union of these organs, the germinal cells of the male, called spermatozoa, reach, and are able to fertilize, the ovum. The fertilized ovum remains in the uterus, being properly nourished and sufficiently developed, again, in the uterus or womb, until birth or parturition.
Before continuing with this basic discussion of the male and female anatomy, it would be helpful to view an analogy found in God’s Word, comparing the Church, which is the Body of Christ, to the incredible human body.
Man views sex as something he seems to naturally have, but does not know why he has it—the divinely-inspired purposes for sex. What man does know of sex only comes through what he is able to see or experience at the physical level and being led by human nature, which is purely interested in the self. Without God’s intervention in his mind, he is not capable of having an interest in any kind of greater or more supreme purpose than that. There are, then, strict limits on what men apart from God—on their own—can discover about human sexuality. But God explains that the very physical human body carries its own spiritual message for those who are interested in what God teaches from it.
Much like God’s true Church, the human body is composed of many members—not just one member. God wants His sons to understand His purpose. It is not our purpose here to explain everything that can be understood about the Body of Christ (the Church), but God has given the basic analogy of how it is like the human body, making it very easy to grasp. He directly compares His one, unified, organized Church—His true Church—to the human body.
Let me offer another important inset at this point: The reader will want to read my very extensive book on the subject of what and where is God’s true Church to better understand this subject. Sex – Its Unknown Dimension teaches the truth of the Bible on the subject of sex and sex in marriage. But the Bible is filled with a host of different teachings and kinds of instruction—each one important.
Understand. The separate subject of the Church of God—the location and identity of the Church that Jesus Christ built (Matt. 16:18)—is paramount in importance to being able to recognize where the full truth of the Bible can be found. For the reader to progress to understanding the many other vital aspects of truth hidden from the world, he or she must understand where and through whom Christ’s Work is being done in this age. (For instance, ask yourself why we are teaching you the truths contained in this book.)
Notice what Paul wrote in I Corinthians 12, often called the Body of Christ chapter: “For as the body is one, and has many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body...” (vs. 12-13).
Colossians 1:18 and Ephesians 1:22-23 reveal that the term “body” is synonymous with “the Church.” There is only one Church and, like the human body, all parts are connected and function as one. Head, eyes, ears, fingers, toes, arms and legs are different but integrated parts of the human body. They must remain connected, or they will die. Of course, this is not difficult to understand.
The various members—begotten brethren—of God’s Church have differing functions, and God explains that He gives the various spiritual gifts to some of them to perform those functions. This is made clear in I Corinthians 12. Notice again: “Now you are the body of Christ, and members in particular. And God has set some in the Church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers...” (vs. 27-28). It is God who does the setting or placing of individual members into the Body (of Christ), as an exact type of how He has placed individual body parts within the human body. Obviously, this can be stated both ways, but the meaning of God’s intention is clear.
Notice further: “If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now has God set the members every one of them in the body, as it has pleased Him” (I Cor. 12:15-18).
Here is the point—and it must not be missed. The Creator has set the sexual organs in the physical human body, having designed them as it “has pleased him”! It is therefore His prerogative to command as to when, where and how they are to be used. It is His prerogative to explain—command!—that they are not to be used in self-centered lust and fornication, but solely within the sanctity and bonds of marriage!
Let’s continue still further in I Corinthians 12: “And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of you: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. No, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: and those members of the body, which we think to be less honorable, upon these we bestow more abundant honor; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness” (vs. 21-23).
When viewed through God’s mind—from His perspective—we see how truly wonderful are the sexual organs and their function. From this perspective, we should be left in awe of God’s handiwork. Remember, after He had formed man of the dust of the ground, beholding it, He declared that it was “very good.”
The book of Psalms records, “I will praise You; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are Your works; and that my soul knows right well” (139:14). Humanly speaking, knowing all that science has been able to learn today about the human body, how much stronger might the psalmist’s words have been if he were writing them in our age?
Yes, what truly wondrous bodies have been given to men and women by God to be used as directed by Him through His Word. With such an extraordinary body comes a great—and sacred—responsibility governing all aspects of its use. We may use it to honor and glorify God, to our joy and happiness—or misuse and abuse it, dishonoring God to our own pain, suffering and misery. There is no doubt which of these most have chosen.
Having now laid this foundation, we are ready to continue examining the nature of the sexual organs. More fascinating insight remains to be seen.
Though possibly thought of as the most “uncomely” part of a man, the germinal glands, called the testes, are in fact one of the most truly marvelous parts of the human body. When closely examined, the genius and handiwork of God can be clearly seen, and this incredible mechanism of the male anatomy becomes its own inspiring wonder testifying to that genius.
The most important of the male reproductive organs, the testes are a pair of oval-shaped glands, each about the size of a hickory nut, approximately one and one-half inches long and about one inch thick. The testes are enclosed in a cutaneous sac, called the scrotum, which is made up of multiple layers and separated into two compartments, each holding one testicle.
The scrotum, along with the testes, hangs outside of the body between the thighs, behind and underneath the base of the penis by the spermatic cord. The reason they are outside of the body will become clear a little later. Also, the left testicle hangs slightly lower than the right for an important reason. As any man or boy can attest to, there is no pain such as that of an injury or blow to the testicles. The wisdom of a loving God so designed it that when the thighs are crowded together, the testicles will slip out of the way over and under each other and thus avoid a crushing injury and sudden, excruciating pain.
Neither blind nature nor evolution could have planned or designed it this way. But an intelligent, merciful God could!
Though tiny, these laboratories carry out a remarkable and endless purpose, dual in nature. They produce not only the sperm cells, which give human life to an otherwise infertile ovum, but also the hormones that cause a man’s body, his voice and mind to be masculine in shape, tone and thinking. All of this from two little factories of less than one ounce in weight. Incredible!
Within each testicle is a large number (about 300) of convoluted, infinitely minute tubules (so small a human hair could not pass through), called seminiferous tubes, which are intertwined into a tiny, yet vast network of coils. If stretched out straight, the tubules from both testes would be almost one mile in length!
The male reproductive cells, any one of which can fertilize an ovum, are produced within these tiny coiled tubules at the amazing rate of millions per hour! These cells, called spermatozoa, sperm cells, or often just sperm, are the smallest of all cells of either the male or female body—incredibly miniature in size, at 1/4000 of an inch in length! And very different as well! Viewed under a microscope, they appear somewhat like tadpoles, in that they have a minute egg-shaped head, an intermediate section and, by comparison, a long tail. By contrast, an ovum, which can just barely be seen with the naked eye, is about the size of a fine pinpoint.
A truly extraordinary aspect of God’s ingenious, creative design of the sperm has only recently been learned by science. Ponder this! It is now known how these incredibly tiny, fish-like cells move—how they are powered. It has been understood that the tail moves back and forth, in a swimming motion as would a flipper, but how is something so tiny powered? Here is the answer: God designed both sides of the “tail” to be lined with tiny “batteries,” which fire intermittently on either side in perfect rhythm so that the sperm can move forward, and do so for a long time on its journey to the Fallopian tube and ultimately to the uterus.
How can evolutionists possibly account for such function? We could also ask: How did sperm (assuming they could first figure out how to invent themselves, and into the right shape) get to the point that they could impregnate an ovum before they had sufficiently developed—evolved—the “battery” system that powers them on their journey? No wonder the Psalms declare twice, “The fool has said in his heart, There is no God” (14:1; 53:1), and that human beings are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (139:14).
Both the male and female reproductive cells contain 23 chromosomes through which the father’s, mother’s and even grandparents’ characteristics, as well as those of many previous generations are passed on. All human life comes from such a tiny beginning. Again, this is truly astonishing knowledge.
The role of the testicles in producing “seed” to continue human life has long been understood, even by the ancients. The word “testify” and the term “intestate” (to die without a will in place) derive from an Old Testament practice of putting one’s hand on the “thigh” (crotch area), often of an elderly family patriarch—such as Abraham (Gen. 24:2, 9)—and binding oneself to a covenant by swearing on all the generations that had and would issue from the testicles of the other man. Courtroom testimony still gives homage today to what the ancients recognized.
In each testicle, the convoluted tubules unite near the top, forming a larger set, called the vasa efferentia, which then come together, forming the epididymus, all being contained within the scrotum. The tubules forming the epididymus come together into a single seminal duct referred to as the vas deferens, which, passing from the scrotum and continuing up into the body, carries the sperm by means of repeated contractions (ejaculation) to the seminal vesicle.
As there are two testicles, there are two (with the exception of the scrotum) of the aforementioned components. The seminal vesicles are located just under or beside the bladder. The vas deferens, along with lymphatic vessels, nerves, arteries and veins running alongside, all combine to form the spermatic cord referred to earlier.
Located directly under the bladder, and surrounding the urethra, is a globular-shaped gland, called the prostate, between one and one-quarter and one and one-half inches in diameter. This gland, through which the urethra passes, produces a milky-white and alkaline secretion called prostatic fluid. It is believed that this fluid serves to both preserve the sperm and stimulate its mobility.
At the point where each vas deferens enters the prostate, it is joined by a seminal vesicle (there are two), then continuing, it is connected to a single tube called the urethra. The urethra carries urine from the bladder and seminal fluid containing sperm from the vas deferens, through the penis.
There is some debate as to whether seminal fluid is produced entirely by the prostate, or partly by the epididymus to facilitate transporting of sperm in conjunction with it, and whether the seminal vesicles also produce some seminal fluids, or simply act as reservoirs storing the fluids until ejaculation.
As mentioned earlier, these tiny factories—the testicles—also produce the most important male hormones. These hormones are produced by an infinitesimal number of microscopically small islands of cells scattered among the seminiferous tubules. The hormones are not carried through the vas deferens, but rather pass directly into the bloodstream carrying them throughout the body. Beginning at puberty, they cause changes in a boy’s body to take on the masculine form, narrow hips, wide upper body for strength, the deepening of the voice, and hair on face and chest and other parts of the body, more than is common for women. These hormones also affect the mind, stimulating the male to think and act in a masculine manner.
It is well known that men lacking these tiny little factories—whether through defect, injury or castration—not only lose reproductive ability, but also lose or never acquire sexual desire. If lost prior to puberty, none of the masculine changes occur in the male body. A male having suffered this condition will tend to become obese and not have the normal bodily hair growth.
So, the testes serve the dual purpose of producing the male reproductive cells and hormones. How very important are these little factories!
Before leaving this discussion, we will answer why, as stated earlier, the testes are located along with the scrotum outside of the male body. Was this through happen-stance—an accident?—or was it due to “Mother Nature” or evolution that this occurred? Did this just somehow happen? Or was there intelligent thought, planning and design involved by a Supreme Being with great creative power and ability? Is there a reason for this?
Though God had purposely planned it, man has only understood why for about the last 50 or so years. Through a series of experiments or tests, scientists set about to determine the continued fertility and mobility of sperm when they were exposed to various temperatures. Many different animal species were used in the studies. What the experimenters found was that sperm cells remained viable longer when kept at a temperature lower than normal body temperature. Upon examination, they found that the temperature inside the animals’ scrotums was a number of degrees lower than the animals’ body. Conversely, they found that as the temperature to which the sperm cells were exposed increased, their vitality and fertility decreased. Further, they found that as they exposed the scrotum and testes to even higher than normal body temperatures, the sperm’s vitality dropped further, until eventually no fertile sperm was able to survive.
At some point, a scientist decided to see what the temperature inside the human scrotum was. He was able to determine that it is actually from six to fifteen degrees lower than normal body level. What God had planned and designed, man had finally discovered. There can be no other possible explanation than that these incredible miniature factories were made to require a significantly lower temperature than that of the body to be able to manufacture viable, life-giving cells to make reproduction possible.
Ask again: How could evolution possibly account for this? Then there is the even greater question of how fertilization could even have taken place for the ages prior to the time that the body “figured out” that it needed to devise the scrotum, with its unique skin, so that it could allow the testes to remain outside the body, and at different distances depending upon outside temperature.
Would reasonable minds hold to such thinking?
Other proof of this is also evident. During the fetal stage, the testes first develop within—up inside—the male fetus, and then later descend into the scrotum, some significant time prior to birth. Male babies are born with the testes already descended into the scrotum. Sometimes, however, one or both testicles remain up in the abdomen leaving a half or wholly empty scrotum. If, in due time, the testes do not “drop” on their own, doctors, in this modern age of medicine, are able to bring them down through a relatively minor surgery.
Prior to the ability to perform this procedure, there were men in which the testes remained up inside the body, well after reaching puberty and on into married adulthood. Though in every way these men exhibited all normal male characteristics, desire for marriage, sexual drive and ability for coitus, nevertheless, they did not have the ability to father children. While the testes were normal—produced spermatozoa—they did not produce fertile, viable sperm. These men were invariably sterile. It is now known that these incredible little factories simply needed a lower temperature than that to which they were exposed in order to produce live sperm! (In fact, this is one reason it has been suggested that some men should wear looser-fitting underwear to increase their sperm count.)
Referenced a moment ago, it has also been discovered that the scrotum, which houses the testicles and epididymides, is made from a type of skin much unlike that of any other in either man or woman. This unique skin consists of many thick folds. It also does not conduct heat. When exposed to cold temperatures, these folds shrink, pulling the testes up to the body, sometimes almost inside, to prevent them from becoming too cold to produce live sperm.
However, in very warm temperatures, the opposite occurs. The folds of the skin of the scrotum stretch out, relaxing until the testes are dropped a considerable distance away from the warmer-than-normal body. Therefore, not only must the testes be outside of the body, but also the scrotum acts as a temperature gauge, automatically regulating the temperature through distance so that the testes can perform their wonderful work of producing life-imparting cells.
Of course, some may cling stubbornly to a belief that blind evolution could be responsible for such an incredible design, and will refuse to acknowledge the awe-inspiring hand of God so obviously at work here. Yet again, the psalmist was correct—we are truly “fearfully and wonderfully made”!
Next, we will examine the equally extraordinary parts of the female sexual and reproductive system. The ovaries are the most important organs of the female generative system. They too are amazing little factories.
Though there are some similarities between the ovaries and testes, in other ways, they are very much different. Not requiring lower-than-normal body temperature to operate, the ovaries are located inside the female’s body.
The woman has two ovaries, and they are situated within the pelvic region of the lower abdomen, with one on each side of the upper section of the uterus. Approximately the same size and shape as the testicles, about one and one-half inches in length, the ovaries are almond-shaped and connected to the uterus by a pair of ducts called oviducts, or Fallopian tubes.
It is within the ovaries that the egg cells or ova are produced. From the time of puberty to the onset of menopause, there are within each ovary many egg cells in differing stages of development. Yet, in part because they are much larger, they are produced much more slowly than the testicles produce spermatozoa.
The ovaries are a marvelous, finely-tuned clock. About once every four weeks, a mature ovum (singular) is released from the ovaries, (alternating, so that each ovary produces a mature ovum about every eight weeks).
Just barely visible to the unaided eye, each ovum is a spherical cell about the size of a pinpoint, yet it is 50 times larger than a sperm cell. An ovum, when fertilized by a sperm cell, forms the beginning of a new human life, with everything now in place, except necessary time and nutrients, to form a separate, unique human being, unlike any other that has ever existed.
Next, we discuss what is called a Graafian follicle, which could be described as a very little, fluid-filled bladder, or membranous envelope, surrounding and enclosing each ovum as it is produced in an ovary. As each ovum develops in this follicle on the outer layer of the ovary, a bulge in the outer ovarian wall occurs. Upon bursting, this follicle propels its contents out into the abdominal cavity, thus allowing the ovum to be shot into the waiting Fallopian tube. This truly amazing and perfectly-timed event—which also could not be the product of evolution—is called ovulation. The Fallopian tube has a fringed or kind of funnel-shaped end, somewhat like the appearance of a carnation flower, which only opens to receive a mature ovum as it is ready to be released or shot into it.
These elements of the female reproductive system are further testimony to the Master Designer’s marvelous creative genius, and it insults the Almighty God of the universe to suggest that what may be considered some of His most brilliant, creative ingenuity was nothing more than a product of mere blind, dumb luck!
At this same time, when the ovum bursts from the follicle, the female sex hormone, called follicular hormone (because it is formed within the follicle), is released, not into the Fallopian tube as is the ovum, but into the abdomen. There, it is absorbed into the bloodstream and carried to a variety of body parts to do its extraordinary work.
Unlike the male hormones—produced in small islands of cells situated among little tubules producing sperm—the female hormone is produced in the outer wall of the ovaries, along with the female generative cells. So, female hormone production is different than that of male hormone production.
The ovaries, and the male counterpart, testes, are truly incredible miniature factories—ongoing miracles in every person—which produce the germinating cells that, when united together, start every human life. How truly wonderful is the handiwork of the Creator God!
But there is more fascinating evidence of God’s design to understand. While inside the membranous envelope or follicle, the ovum is protected. Were it not shot directly into the oviduct upon bursting from the follicle, where it is then immediately protected by an albuminous substance, the ovum would quickly perish. By way of comparison, the ovum is somewhat like a hen’s egg without the shell, yet much, much smaller—as stated, actually smaller than the period at the end of this sentence, just barely visible to the unaided eye.
Not possessing powered mobility as do sperm cells, the ovum is transported slowly through the oviducts, which are made up of a three-layered wall, with fine tentacles lining the interior membrane of the tube. Too great in number to count, these tentacles propel the human egg cell through the oviduct on its journey—believed to be about eight days in length—to the womb.
It is also believed that the ovum has a limited lifespan—unless met and fertilized by a sperm cell—of perhaps 24 hours, and no more than 48. This necessitates a fairly rapid fertilization in the Fallopian tube after having traveled only a short distance on its journey to possibly begin the start of a new little human being. This egg and the sperm that fertilizes it would carry all of the incredible elements of the mother’s genetic history and the father’s genetic history, thus insuring that the new little person will grow to look approximately half like the mother and half like the father—and not just in the sense that they will look like human beings. In God’s infinite wisdom, He designed this so that grandparents or great-grandparents can reappear in the face or body type of children born generations later.
This reflects yet another extraordinary miracle in God’s design and creation of sex. No part of it can be explained by evolutionists through use of their default position, which is to merely add more aeons of time, as though this is the only needed element to explain what, in fact, could never happen no matter the shortness or length of time involved.
As mentioned earlier, the Fallopian tubes connect and lead to an organ described generally by equal usage of two terms—womb or uterus.
The womb or uterus is located just behind the urinary bladder. The Fallopian tubes enter at the wider top section of this pear-shaped organ, which is suspended by cords and muscles from above. Its cervix, a sort of downward-hanging neck, enters the vagina. In its normal position, the womb inclines or tips somewhat forward from the bottom at just about a right angle from the birth or vaginal canal.
The uterus is muscular and hard in its quiescent or inactive state. In this state, the uterine walls are so close together that almost no real uterine cavity is present. It is about three inches long, one inch thick and about two inches wide at the top.
The purpose of the uterus is to accept, house, protect from harm and nurture the fertilized ovum—also called an embryo—while it is developing. The newly-fertilized embryo is received by a mucus lining, specially formed in the womb for this important function and implanted in the wall of the uterus. If, however, fertilization of an ovum does not occur, this lining is shed along with a bloody discharge—menstrual flow—out through the cervix and the vagina. This discharge lasts from three to seven days, with five days being about average.
As mentioned previously, all of this process takes place over an approximately 28-day cycle, which begins with ovulation and ends with this discharge of mucus and blood, and is called menstruation.
But again, if fertilization does indeed occur, then the embryo attaches to this mucus lining and begins to grow. We saw that at four months, the embryo comes to be referred to as a fetus. At nine months, a human baby is born, carrying the awesome potential of becoming an heir—not only of its human parents in this life, but a co-ruling heir with Jesus Christ for all eternity!
We are now ready to describe the organs by which copulation or intercourse, also called coitus, takes place.
We begin with the male copulative organ. This organ, called the penis, is a fleshy, muscular shaft composed primarily of erectile tissue. In its relaxed state, it hangs limp and soft, about three to four inches in length and about one inch in diameter. It can vary in size between individuals, just as can any other external part of the human body—ears, noses, hands, feet, etc.
For sexual union to occur, the penis must become rigid. But, union of the copulative organs, as far too many uninformed and naïve teenagers and young adults have sadly found out, is not required for pregnancy to occur. This will be addressed more thoroughly later. All that needs to happen is for sperm to be deposited anywhere near the woman’s external genital region.
And so, for the purpose of reproduction, penetration of the vagina is not technically necessary, although it does certainly greatly increase the chance of pregnancy. Also, of course, as the Great Creator has purposed, for the expression of marital love, penetration is very much desired. As with all that God does, there is a purpose and reason that the male member was designed to become rigid through arousal, and to expand in both length and width prior to intercourse. This capability is its own inexplicable miracle that is necessary for sexual intercourse to occur.
Try to imagine how intercourse, and thus fertilization and propagation, could occur while evolution was taking thousands or millions of years to “figure out” how to produce, or that it even needed to produce, an erection in the human male organ. Sometimes evolution almost becomes a source of humorous discussion about the ridiculous in order to enjoy a chuckle. Of course, the net effect of denying the Creator’s Master Plan through this theory is certainly not a laughing matter!
As previously mentioned, the urethra runs from the bladder through the prostate and then down the lower side of the full length inside of the penis. Two spongy cavernous bodies, called corpora cavernosa, located above the urethra, also run through the shaft of the penis. A spongy portion surrounds the urethra on the underside. Blood vessels and sensitive nerves also run through the length of this organ. At the forward end is the head of the penis, or, as properly called, the glans penis. The glans contains a system of highly sensitive peripheral nerves, and is the center of the erotic sensation in the male.
The corpora cavernosa is so named because it contains a system of caverns, which, when in a limp, relaxed state, are mostly empty. However, when sexual arousal occurs, these caverns can very rapidly become engorged—filled with blood—and this occurs to a much greater extent than is normal around this spongy area surrounding the urethra. This rapid engorging of blood causes the penis to quickly swell, thus becoming stiff and erect, and reaching a size that varies from perhaps five and one-half to seven inches in length and one and one-quarter to one and one-half inches in diameter. In rare cases, it may be slightly larger.
An important side note is offered here: There should never be any cause for concern among women that their future husband’s penis will possibly be too large for easy penetration and pain-free intercourse. Though some wives have suffered pain during coitus, it is usually due to ignorance (the breaking of the hymen to be discussed later, or the entry of the penis before the vagina is sufficiently moistened through foreplay and prepared to receive it).
A loving God carefully designed the female vagina with great elasticity so that it is easily able to expand when properly lubricated. Think. The vagina has been designed so that it is able to permit the passage of the head and shoulders of a baby during birth. It is just as easily able to handle varying sizes of the male penis, obviously much smaller in every way than the very smallest of newborn children. God very carefully thought through all these things, and did so well in advance, as any loving and merciful human father would do when designing something for use by his children.
Conversely, particularly in an age when more people than ever are concerned with “sexual satisfaction,” no woman need worry that a man with a relatively smaller penis will be able to satisfy her—bring her to orgasm or climax. The size of the man’s penis, as long as it is fully erect and firm, has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a woman can reach orgasm.
Any difficulties that occur in marital love are almost invariably because of ignorance on the part of one or both mates, or through the transgression of God’s prescribed laws. Never is it because the Master Creator was inadequate in His design—because He forgot to plan for something. This “concern” becomes an excuse for many couples to explore size “compatibility,” which is actually just an excuse to fornicate.
All baby boys are born with a foreskin of varying sizes, called the prepuce, which covers the glans penis. The foreskin is typically loose, barely covering the glans. In some instances, it can be longer, to the extent that it almost fully covers the glans, resulting in a small and tight-fitting opening that can act to imprison it. This can cause some difficulties upon erection, such as a kind of strangulation of the glans and resulting discomfort. Of course, the solution in all such instances is circumcision.
There is also a tallow-like substance called smegma secreted between the foreskin and glans of an uncircumcised male, which, if left uncleansed, can cause inflammation or other troubles. It is very important that this area be kept clean. Parents who do not have their sons circumcised will need to wash this area regularly on their baby boys by pushing the foreskin back to do so. And when boys are old enough, you must teach them how to do this on their own. Of course, care will need to be exercised during this routine so as not to cause undue stimulation to a little boy’s penis.
It is interesting and important to note here that circumcision of male infants (and grown men) has become a controversial issue. While there are minor risks involved with this procedure, the medically-documented benefits outweigh these concerns. For example, it has been well documented that circumcised men have lower incidences of penile cancer and certain kinds of infections. Also, some studies very strongly suggest links between uncircumcised men and the occurrence of cervical cancer in women. For instance, Jewish women have a much lower incidence of cervical cancer than do other groups.
Even though the practice of circumcision was ordained to be carried out for all time, the physical, religious rite of circumcision is no longer directly commanded under the New Covenant. Conversion is now described, by Paul, as spiritual circumcision—that of the heart (Rom. 2:28-29). But physical circumcision can be done, and, in the majority of boys, because of the kinds of instances discussed above, it is generally wiser to do this.
Consider: God circumcised Abraham at the age of 99. He commanded this token of His covenant forever (Gen. 17:9-14) for Abraham’s descendants, whether Israelite or Arab. He would not have performed nor commanded a procedure that could be harmful in any way. In the end, whether or not to have a baby boy circumcised is for the parents to decide.
But if circumcision is to be undertaken, the procedure should be performed on the eighth day after birth—the day the baby is now eight days old—as the Designer of the human body commands (Gen. 17:12). What God knew when stating this, man only recently discovered, in the twentieth century. It is now known that vitamin K does not reach normal levels in an infant until sometime between the fifth and seventh day of age. Vitamin K is an important blood-clotting element, essential because the baby could otherwise bleed excessively, and in this case unnecessarily.
Another element important for blood clotting is prothrombin. On day three of a baby’s life, levels of available prothrombin are only at 30 percent of normal. However, by day eight, levels of this element explode past normal to 110 percent. The availability of these two elements at their normal levels on the eighth day of a baby boy’s life clearly provides the optimum day for circumcision to be performed. Together, these two elements at peak levels promote less bleeding and faster healing. The ancients could not possibly have known this except that a loving God revealed it.
Another factor comes into play here, and it is the fact that after the eighth day the level of pain naturally increases, thus narrowing the window to this biblically-revealed perfect timetable. (When circumcision is carried out in older boys or in men, the pain can only be described as excruciating.) Again, the Great God of heaven knew these things all along.
Should the parents of a baby boy decide to have him circumcised, they should find a professional who is experienced in performing circumcisions, as well as one willing to do it at the correct time.
We now come to the discussion of the female copulative organs and their remarkable design.
The pubic or external genital region of the female—all that is visible from the outside—is called the vulva. The womb is connected to the external genitals by the vagina, a term meaning a sheath. This is equally referred to as the birth canal, due to the fact that the baby passes through it during birth. This tube or canal, as it could be described, is the unique part of the copulative organ of the woman’s body that serves in the specific act of coitus. The bottom of the womb has a rounded neck projecting into the latter end of the vagina, the direction of which is downward and forward from the uterus at about a 90 degree angle from its axis. Corrugated in folds, the interior walls of the vagina are quite elastic and able to be stretched, as happens during a baby’s delivery.
Opinions vary as to best describing the length of the vagina—some stating it to be six to seven inches in length, others three to six inches, explaining that the penis, during intercourse, forces the womb upward and that the vaginal wall is adequately elastic enough to accommodate the full length of the penis.
The mucus membrane that forms the lining at the front opening of the vagina continues inward as the membrane forming the small inner lips named the labia minora. Inside the minor labia is a semi-cavity termed the vestibule. In females, the urethra’s orifice is located just above the vaginal opening. At the top of the minor labia, above the urethra’s opening, is the all-important clitoris, which is the seat of the woman’s intense sensation and sexual excitement that culminates in orgasm.
Much like a miniature male penis, the female clitoris has a head or glans and is also subject to erection by sensory stimulation. Its body, about an inch in length, is covered by the membrane over the top of the labia minora, rendering only the clitoris’ head externally visible. Knowledge and understanding of this little organ, on both a husband’s and wife’s part, is paramount to aiding and helping ensure marital happiness and her sexual fulfillment as an equal partner in orgasm with the husband.
Lastly, over the labia minora, and also covering the female genitals, are the larger lips called the labia majora or major labia—the more obviously visible external portion of the vulva.
In conclusion, the vagina’s functions are that it (1) provides a passage for the menstrual flow, (2) receives the male penis during intercourse, (3) provides a receptacle for semen to be deposited and (4) provides the passage for the birth of a baby.
These organs, male and female, along with their functions, were precisely—perfectly—designed by the Master Designer for His intended purposes. The possession of such a marvelous body, with the remarkable sex organs, including all of the separate elements described, and the wonderful sexual fulfillment that they can bring, comes with a most serious responsibility in their use.
When used properly as the Creator intended, within the parameters of His righteous laws governing their use, always within marriage, comes happiness, joy and an unmatched pleasure that is able to exceed any anticipation.
However, when misused or abused, whether through ignorance or foolishness, severe penalties result—bringing pain, suffering and every unhappiness that can far outweigh any possible temporary gratification or illicit pleasure.
Grasp this all-important principle of spiritual understanding. God’s ways always pay off. They always bring unparalleled returns of true joy, happiness and well-being. They never bring a hidden penalty. There is no such thing as a “downside” to God’s Way.
If only the world would be willing to believe that an all-wise, loving heavenly Parent would—and could—never do less with His children than a human parent would do with his or her children.
Now that we have examined more closely the physical design and structure of the male and female anatomy regarding the sexual organs and reproductive system, we are ready to look more deeply into the subject of sex in marriage.
There are many important, fascinating—and inspiring—things yet to be understood!
The over six billion people alive on earth today are ignorant of what they could have known. Following the ancients in ignorance, the masses today have continued in degenerate decadence and sexual debauchery, now worse than anything civilization has seen. And many prophecies of the Bible reveal that conditions will grow worse—probably even still much worse—before they get better. We read of a number.
I repeat: The nations of earth could have known—but chose not to, preferring that God “keep His nose out of their business”!
But the opinions of men do not change eternal laws, or the thinking of God, because He might want to “keep up with the times,” or be politically correct. The living God still condemns adultery, fornication and all other forms of sexual immorality and perversion as plain sin! All of these violate His various laws governing sex and, in a host of ways, seen and unseen, rob people of happiness and future joy in marriage.
And all so very unnecessary!
So many people simply fail to realize that the laws God has set in motion are every bit as real as the physical laws that govern the universe, such as the law of gravity. How God intended sex to be used in marriage makes its own statement as to why violating or perverting His Law invites physical and emotional damage to those involved. In this chapter, it will become apparent as to why “necking, petting”—called “making out” since the 60s—and any other kind of sexual activity outside of the holy bond of marriage is damaging.
God not only intended sex for marriage and reproduction—physical functions—but He also had a great spiritual parallel in mind when devising it. Comprehend this vital point. There is another colossal reason that God created sex as He did. It was given to express marital love and special companionship, which serve to strengthen and preserve the marriage bond.
Again, because of simple ignorance regarding just the fundamentals, one of the leading causes of marital break-up (alongside communication problems and financial woes) is sex-related problems—things that happen in the bedroom.
Let’s begin to explain more of the basics.
Within the human body, endocrine glands produce hormones unique for each gender, and these produce unique mental and physical characteristics in men and women. Hormones guide the mental-emotional-sexual phenomenon known as sex appeal.
A human drive common to every normal person, sex appeal results from a mix of stimuli, ranging from an individual’s appearance to personality, education, common interests, talents, and certain other “intangibles.” Assuming that the peripheral issues of compatibility are neutral or favorable between a couple, it is sex appeal that primarily causes a man to be romantically attracted to a particular woman. Likewise, this drive also motivates a woman to show romantic interest in a particular man.
Though sex appeal arises perhaps primarily from one’s facial expressions, which could reflect attraction, affection, maturity or grace, it actually originates as a glandular action. Certainly, one could objectively appreciate another person on these characteristics alone, but sex appeal does not take place without the sex hormones affecting and exciting the emotions. (It is worth noting that, when considering marriage to a particular person, there should be at least some, if not considerable, sex appeal involved.)
We must pause and examine the critical role that hormones play in sexual arousal and response.
In men and women, it is the sex hormones that cause the man to have masculine characteristics and the woman to have feminine characteristics. When fully understood, these same hormones help serve to motivate one’s interest in a partner for life. They directly assist in causing—and even drive—a man to passionately desire a particular woman to be his wife, bear his children and be his companion through life. The man desires to embrace her and express his fondness, love and desire to share a lifetime of devotion with her.
Likewise, the sexual hormones result in the woman perceiving that same man as the one to whom she desires to give her affection and devotion. They will cause her to naturally desire to be embraced by him, including in sexual intercourse, and to be the mother of his children and his companion for life. In mature individuals, these emotions are wholesome, pure and natural as God intended. In no way are such feelings shameful or sinful.
In a balanced and stable marriage, sex is rightfully a stimulus for romantic embracing, kissing and lovemaking. It properly leads to the ultimate expression of intimate passion, designed by God to be part of the marriage bond.
We have previously discussed that God created human beings with the five physical senses—sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste. He has given both sexes of human beings—the pinnacle of His creation—the capacity to enjoy the taste of pure, natural food; to smell and appreciate spices or perfumes; to listen to the sounds of beautiful, uplifting music; and to enjoy the beautiful sight of a mountain sunset. God has also blessed husbands and wives to enjoy the supreme expression of feelings through sexual relations, providing each mate with the culmination of ecstasy as they engage in sexual intercourse in the fashion and with the knowledge that God purposed. He designed marital relations to be the supreme physical experience.
However, God did intend that this most intimate experience be enjoyed in moderation. When taken to excess, and this can depend to some degree upon the couple and their age, it tends to cheapen sex. But, as in all things, when done with temperance, this self-control can actually heighten one’s appreciation for this special experience—exclusively reserved for, and actually programmed into, husband and wife.
Professional marriage counselors often recommend for younger couples to come together in sexual relations about two to three times per week, once again, with frequency varying somewhat from couple to couple. (Newlyweds will certainly be more frequent for a while.) For proper fulfillment, reasonable temperance in spacing the frequency of relations maximizes intensity and appreciation, and increases enjoyment. It is important that couples not ever allow this special coming together to feel routine or hackneyed—either because of neglect, misuse or overuse.
The tender caresses and kisses that occur between a husband and wife are the special expressions of love that should be often repeated, but always in private—which many couples today, who so publicly flaunt themselves, do not understand. When these expressions of love lead to sexual relations, timing and understanding of arousal becomes of utmost importance. When ignored, this has led to tragic disappointments, frustrations and worse, if left unremedied. All such “letdowns” can be prevented by understanding the nature of arousal between males and females.
Arousal time involves the timing in which both the male and the female organs have become prepared for marital intercourse. In order for this to occur, we saw that the male penis must become enlarged and firm. We also saw that this process takes place relatively quickly—almost instantaneously, particularly for young men, but generally almost as quickly for older men. Yet, for the female, arousal requires more time. This is a fact of which many husbands have tended to be ignorant or have neglected to employ.
This has been the greatest single cause—by far!—of marital frustration and lack of satisfaction and ability to enjoy an orgasm on the woman’s part.
Men must recognize that the membrane that forms the vaginal walls exists in folds, and is usually dry in its normal inactive or restful condition. In order to receive the male member, arousal must cause the membrane to significantly moisten from special glands that provide a natural lubricant. Interestingly, as we saw, female mammals can only achieve this condition during certain “seasons,” and these are totally unplanned by the animals. However, with women, such arousal is induced and not automatic—and this has to be understood by every husband!
Husbands simply must comprehend the process of female arousal and recognize the need for allowing sufficient time in this process. Again, the male is stimulated by hormones that are most wisely to be kept in check, while he focuses on intensified petting for the purpose of benefiting the wife’s timing—rather than allowing himself to exclude her feelings for the sake of his instant gratification as so many husbands do. True love should induce one to give pleasure to another, rather than to get for himself as soon as possible.
The difference in the effect of stimuli between male and female are quite interesting, and must be understood. The male can be stimulated by a touch, a picture, a dream or even by a mere glancing thought. Of course, physical contact is obviously also a most potent stimulus for him.
Women simply do not respond in the same way as do men. For them, direct physical contact—that is, embracing and kissing—is by far the most important stimulus. They require more tender talking and touching than men. In fact, even the period leading up to the actual sexual intercourse, including the entire day that precedes it, can be important for the woman’s body to even be able to respond.
Most girls are oblivious to the fact that necking on dates causes the male to be instantly aroused and desiring intercourse. Girls should understand that this conduct is a temptation to young boys. Over three billion women on planet earth possess this power. Of course, many girls know about it, or come to discover it, only to employ it as would any common prostitute plying her marriage- and character-destroying trade on the streets of every city of the world.
For a young girl or woman to abuse her sex appeal by misusing these God-given charms, would not only be denying herself the reaping of wonderful future blessings reserved for the marriage relationship, but she would also be directly stealing from the boy’s future wife.
The wife’s timing for readiness can require about fifteen minutes to as much as half an hour. This might be considered to be average, since individual responses can vary. Some few women can have a much more rapid readiness for intercourse than others. While men are generally about the same, it is incumbent on every husband to determine the natural tendency and “speed” of his wife in coming to full arousal. (In some rare cases, the wife could possibly be aroused more readily than her husband, but this would be an exception.)
Evolution is simply not able to explain why the speed of arousal for men is different than women. There would be no purpose for which blind, dumb evolution would decree this so.
Of course, evolution played no part in any of this. It was God who designed this timing delay for a purpose—and almost none know it. Although the man is aroused quickly, well before his wife, he is generally to lead the way and take the initiative. His early arousal helps him to fulfill his proper role as the more often initiator (though this certainly need not always be the case) of sexual relations.
However, there is another greater reason for the different rates of arousal between husband and wife. It is related to the fact that sex potential in human beings leads to marriage and then to an ever deeper love and respect for the other mate. The difference in timing of arousal enhances and prolongs sexual intimacy and passionate communication, kissing and caressing that would hardly exist, or not exist at all, if the woman were aroused as quickly as the man. If this were the case, there would be no sexual intimacy, and intercourse would be no more romantic than what occurs with animals. God wanted couples to slow down and spend time in loving embrace—thus, He designed a system that requires this.
It is tragic that many marriages are influenced by the sex-is-shameful mentality, and have therefore failed to experience the God-intended intimacy and fulfillment that comes from a wholesome sexual relationship. The repression of the true purpose and meaning of sex has robbed many generations of the enjoyment that false religionists have condemned. This Satan-inspired repression has also served to reduce women to sub-human status. In many cultures, the woman’s enjoyment of the sex act is deemed completely unimportant—it is the man whose satisfaction is all that matters.
This is why some African and Middle Eastern cultures (Iraq, for instance) actually circumcise little girls—done by crudely cutting away the clitoris, with this reported to cause up to one in five in Africa to die from blood loss. This is done to ensure that when she reaches adulthood, she will remain faithful to her husband. This—brutal butchery!—is the way certain of man’s cultures address the potential of adultery. Ironically, it is some of these very societies that experience the highest percentages of unfaithfulness among men.
Again, the husband’s instant arousal and initiative in pursuing intercourse with his wife, who is only later aroused, was designed and intended to intensify and prolong the intimacy and love to be expressed and to accompany this pinnacle of fulfillment.
God designed sex in human beings to express and experience love in the bond of marriage.
The actions of the husband—who has also become aroused by caressing his wife—involve expressions of how precious and lovely she is to him, and involve kissing and embracing, all of which are the different kind of stimuli that produce arousal in her. Again, during these times of intense affection and emotion, a degree of love and appreciation becomes apparent that would not otherwise be expressed, if God had not designed it so.
In a world cut off from God, having disobeyed His revealed health laws for centuries, the general state of mankind’s health has greatly degenerated. With 6,000 years of history have come various types of health problems that affect the sex organs and function. While it is not the purpose to cover and address every conceivable kind of sexual dysfunction, certain basic recognition, and what to do about it, is necessary.
As with other health problems, sexual dysfunctions and resulting difficulty are a reality, and will be for some who read this book. Those with general health problems that are affecting sexual activity are encouraged to read and study about their particular problem. Taking an active interest in improving one’s overall state of health can bring about a general improvement to many, if not most who are having difficulty.
Upon turning 30, I unexpectedly and suddenly developed a serious joint disease. Had it continued, quality of life as I knew it would have ended. Yet, this turned out to be a blessing because I was forced to spend hours studying what I could do to rid myself of the problem. What I learned led me to much better health than I had enjoyed prior to the arrival of this disease.
The same might be said for many other diseases and health problems, and this includes certain physical dysfunctions. If you suffer from a problem that affects your sex life, and for men this can mean difficulty holding an erection, do some research to determine what you can do. Consulting a physician may be advisable. There are many avenues and options to explore.
Of course, the reader must be extremely careful. There are endless books on the subject of sex. Distinguish between opinions and facts. Literature that presents more than just the facts can be confusing and offer “remedies” that will not help. Stick with the facts. Find out what the causes are and address them.
Certain health problems may be deeply rooted, but experience has shown that almost any health problem can be improved with proper effort and guidance—if one diligently addresses the cause. Some problems may be difficult to overcome, but with persistence, it can often be done.
Also, many men have not recognized that this period of foreplay intensifies the man’s orgasm as well. His arousal will increase with continued intimacy before intercourse.
This level of passion and mutual love, just by the general nature of what is happening in such circumstances, is completely absent from pre-marital promiscuity, any kind of cheapened relationship with a prostitute or any other kind of sex outside marital partnership. Such illicit relations focus entirely upon self-gratification, without the giving of intimate love, honor and mutual respect, which are all non-existent within such degrading relationships.
Truly, God’s Way far exceeds the empty, hollow counterfeits of Satan’s mixed-up world. It is your duty to flee from the worldly influence of degradation that will inevitably rob you of the wonderful God-intended relationships of marriage and family. The unmarried should consider how crucial and precious are the many blessings that are in store for those who preserve themselves for marriage. Any premarital sex cripples and impedes the level of happiness that can only be enjoyed from these marital blessings.
Some husbands have the false notion that marriage has given them the right to satisfy their own desire for hasty, selfish gratification without considering the feelings of the wife. In such cases, no delay of waiting for lovemaking is allowed for her enjoyment and participation. Some have the idea that marriage obligates the wife to submit to being raped on demand! But remember that marriage as God designed it gives no such rights for abuse. God designed the sexual union to be passionately enjoyed by both parties!
It is absolutely critical for the man not to ignore this much-needed time of lovemaking before proceeding with intercourse. I repeat: To dismiss this need—and it is actually a responsibility that every husband has toward his wife—could cause damage to the dry, unprepared membrane of the vaginal walls, and this will lead to pain and resentment, potentially very deep, on the part of the wife.
A husband who forces himself prematurely upon his wife is uncaring, abusive and self-centered. Husbands, avoid this selfishness at absolutely all costs—and you will be grateful that you did. So will your wife!
The Seventh Commandment, referenced earlier, is “You shall not commit adultery.” Most people limit this command exclusively to sexual intercourse outside marriage. Adultery involves far more than going all the way to intercourse, and we need to take sufficient time to be sure this is understood.
Sexual intercourse or lovemaking consists of four distinct phases, in which one phase leads to the next. The first phase consists of caressing, kissing and embracing, also known in the vernacular of recent times as “necking” and “petting.” (The other three phases will be explained near the end of the chapter, after first covering important points related to the first phase.)
Though from God’s perspective it is still as wrong today as it ever was, necking and petting used to be the limit to which young people would venture in what were, relatively speaking, more innocent times. Later, the term “they went the limit” (or “all the way”) meant that the limit had come to be beyond mere necking and petting. Therefore, today, in the twenty-first century, premarital sex is virtually the rule instead of the exception! When engaged in outside of marriage, the seemingly innocent act of necking and petting, of itself, directly violates God’s Seventh Commandment.
When understood, necking and petting are a vital part of the actual lovemaking, which is only to occur between married couples—husbands and wives—adults (from which even the very term adultery derives)!
Of course, most today would gasp at such a “prudish and out-dated” statement. They see no harm in a little innocent “fun.”
Yet, God deems this action a sin because it does cause very serious harm to those involved. Understand this point well. Again, it is not that God somehow enjoys denying pleasures to humanity. Rather, He knows the long-term damage that results from breaking spiritual laws that He has put in force for our good. The effects are long-term and the curses are most real!
Certain conduct before marriage can, indeed, scar the marriage relationship later on. This will be covered more fully in the next chapter. But those who become involved in necking and petting outside marriage (and it is well-understood that most young people today do not even begin to think about stopping at this phase—and, of course, many now leap right past it) open themselves up for curses here and now, as well as robbing themselves of true marital bliss, which God makes possible for those who do not scar their potential of reaping His marvelous blessings.
The perceptions of sex appeal and arousal were designed to strengthen the marriage bond—period. These interactive influences increase the mutual love between husband and wife, creating an intimacy that is reserved for that marriage bond.
Those who seek to obey God cannot allow society’s perceptions, values—and extreme temptations—to pull them down. Adultery and fornication are still sin, as is intimacy short of coitus, regardless of what television, movies and music declare, and, despite the growing popularity and acceptance of homosexuality, God’s Word has always clearly shown that this act is also abominable and sinful.
Anything that perverts or undermines God’s intended creative purpose for marriage, and for stable and loving families capable of producing balanced children, is a distortion of His perfect plan for all mankind, to include every human being.
When a husband ventures to have an affair outside of marriage, his perception of his mate radically changes, and usually fast. His wife is no longer attractive to him in the same way. The sexual attraction toward her—the wonderful chemistry once between them—quickly fades until it no longer exists. All these changes take place in the mind of the mate who cheats. The fact that a cheating husband no longer desires his faithful wife is the direct result of a law in action. Upon breaking his marriage covenant, the offending husband (or wife) is assaulting the marvelous God-plane relationship given them. He can no longer appreciate what God has given them, and his heart is tragically turned away from his lifelong companion. Even if he comes to regret it—of course, many do—and wishes to have the former relationship back, with few exceptions, husbands find that they cannot “turn back the clock.”
Of course, wives are no different. Make no mistake. The number of wives now committing adultery—approximately 50 percent—is also at epidemic levels. Everything that has been explained here, regarding what husbands have more traditionally been guilty of, now applies almost equally to women.
The sin of adultery is an absolutely heinous crime against another human being and, worse, it often carries dire consequences for other innocent people who are connected to the relationship—most often children, but also aging parents and even grandparents or grandchildren suffer as well.
Even fornication—sex before marriage—takes away from the future relationship of a couple who go on to get married. Yet, today, practically every engaged couple fornicates as almost a matter of routine. This is because they all know that it is the norm—that it is expected, because everybody else is doing it, and nobody is really telling them it is wrong or giving them a reason not to. The unknown dimension in sex explained in this book is not being taught anywhere else.
Although it is possible for one to still be happy in marriage when there has been fornication together, the sanctity of marriage is nonetheless scarred in such a way that something is lost in the relationship. The union is robbed of the potential level of fuller happiness that would have otherwise been possible.
Here are some important additional points that represent a common fallacy and certain detrimental approaches to marital happiness and fulfillment:
It is an utter fallacy to believe, as many do, that necking and petting are exclusively reserved for dating and pre-marital courting, that they are acceptable at this point. Such people have wrongly believed that these are innocent activities that will largely be no longer necessary in marriage, and are mainly reserved for teenagers or young adults who are dating. Both ideas are wrong.
Another approach that can dramatically dampen sexual relations, particularly in the woman, is the fear of unwanted pregnancy. This fear can easily be dispelled by a proper understanding of how to plan parenthood, through use of contraceptives, and this will be carefully discussed in a later inset.
Many today become careless and allow themselves to neglect etiquette, common courtesy, proper manners and good grooming after marriage (many now ignore these things all the time—in or out of marriage). Failure to give these things the proper importance that they deserve in your marriage will cheapen the marriage by bringing in a wrong spirit, one that is contrary to the way of love. Forgetting these things demonstrates a lack of respect and appreciation for your mate, and helps promote the tendency to take him or her for granted.
Always strive to be respectful and conscientious about one’s appearance and conduct in the presence of the other mate. Never forget the enormous importance of always being clean and well-kept, not unkempt, as your very beginning approach to lovemaking. It is crucial to remember that almost nothing is a greater “turn-off” than body odor, bad breath, unclipped nails, unshaven face or female menstrual odor. Both husband and wife should also remember the importance of combing the hair, even before sex in the morning!
Related to this is the option of wearing special perfumes by women and possibly colognes by men. These can serve to enhance the overall pleasantness, and feelings of enjoyment, of the occasion. Possibly several kinds could be alternated for couples who enjoy them.
Manners and good grooming go a long way in the bedroom—and this applies to men and women! (We will momentarily return to another aspect of grooming.)
A related point arises, and it leads to the next section. Earlier in the book, we saw that Paul explained how husbands and wives have come under the “power” of their mates once marriage has occurred (I Cor. 7:4). Remember, your bodies no longer belong to you, but rather to each other. To defraud your mate sexually is wrong.
Perhaps one of the very worst sins that either mate in a marriage can commit is to withhold sex. This can be due to selfishness, a desire to punish the mate for some real or perceived wrong, or for any number of other reasons. Other than the reasons of poor health or sickness, unusual, extreme exhaustion, or the only very rare “I am not in the mood” response mentioned earlier, this must not be done. Any who follow the pattern of sexually defrauding in a marriage, and this is only more typical of women than men, could actually be at least partly responsible before God for any adultery that results, and certainly responsible for the divorce that can ensue if the defrauding continues.
The last section leads to its own related point. It is incumbent on husbands and wives to take care of their own bodies, and in so doing, in light of I Corinthians 7:4, they have actually taken care of what has, after marriage, become their mate’s body.
Sadly, and this has turned into a recurring tragedy of millions of times when used as an excuse to commit adultery, the dating and courtship period was the only time couples concerned themselves with not being overweight and staying “in shape.” With obesity and muscular flabbiness veritable social plagues today, and with bad nutrition and the high-speed, stress-filled society making it more difficult to exercise, this will take extra work for the couple who understands that they must continue to care about these things. In taking care of one’s body, you are actually caring about your mate’s body!
Take care of yourself physically! Carefully watch your weight and overall appearance. Both mates have a duty to take care of the body that God gave them. Watching and maintaining one’s health can even improve sexual performance. Of course, babies change a woman’s shape, and this is true of some women more than others. Husbands must be understanding of this, but wives must not permit this to be an excuse to simply “let themselves go.”
Obviously, wrinkles and aging are also normal phases of life. Husbands, in particular, must be careful not to belittle or denigrate their wives for what is natural to every human being. Few things will more hurt—and turn off!—a woman than belittling her about what she cannot control.
Finally, there can be times when either husband or wife may need to point out in an encouraging way that there needs to be some improvement in one or more aspects of things mentioned in the last several sections. Christianity is about changing and sometimes this can be in areas pertaining to sex and the bedroom.
It should go without saying that one should never pick the lovemaking setting as the time to do this. If you do, you will quickly learn that some other activity must be available on short notice, because this part of the evening will have been ruined!
Many couples neglect to give the general atmosphere of where sex occurs the necessary attention that it deserves—and we are usually speaking of the bedroom. While intercourse can certainly take place outside the bedroom, and often does, particularly with young couples, this location more than any other should be given extra thought and preparation for the special lovemaking and bonding that occurs there.
As with hygiene, and with nice fragrances of perfumes and colognes, the right lighting is important for the room. Too much or too little are usually not as good as something in between. The decor and cleanliness of the bedroom, including bedspread, pictures and other items which enhance the surroundings—some couples enjoy adding candles, background music or other kinds of ambiance—also play a role in setting the proper atmosphere for lovemaking. Be sure that this area of preparation is not overlooked or minimized as if it has no role in the evening.
The time of lovemaking is the most special time between husband and wife. It involves perhaps more planning than many might realize. Eliminating distractions is vital and will directly affect, particularly in the case of the woman, whether she can enjoy the occasion.
First, this is the most intimate activity to occur in marriage. It must be completely private in every way. Remember that what occurs in the bedroom is nobody’s business but that of husband and wife. Also, it is important that children not turn into a distraction, more a problem for women (especially those with babies and small children) than men. Other noises, such as the phone interrupting (or pets), can be an obvious problem. The answering machine might be the best option. Then, consider setting aside at least certain regular occasions so that marital relations do not go wanting longer than they should, with neither mate having noticed.
Remember that the focus should be on bonding in the way that only this activity permits. Distractions work against this purpose.
There is another vital part of sharing love between husband and wife that is often overlooked, neglected or ignored—but is also sometimes misunderstood. This is the communication—love talk—before and during intercourse—often referred to as “pillow talk.” Similar to the importance of atmosphere, this special intimate conversation either does not occur as it should or is eventually neglected because few understand its supreme importance. Most simply do not grasp the direct connection between conversation and the sex act.
It is paramount that both husband and wife understand what that connection is!
The perverted images of Hollywood and elsewhere have long fostered the wrong image that being in the heat of passion and participating in the sex act are times to be the “strong, silent type”—both men and women—with actions to speak louder than words. Nothing could be further from the truth. What is thought to be no more than the whispering of “sweet nothings” is, in fact, the expressing of things that are much more than sweet nothings.
Let’s understand why.
Perhaps the single greatest difference regarding sex between animals and sexual relations between human beings is that human beings are able to talk to each other. This means that they can express special affection, love, fondness, gratitude and respect for each other in a way that no animals can.
The all-wise God specifically designed lovemaking to be this way. Remember, this love is a type of the same love that Jesus Christ feels toward His Church, as well as a type of the love that God and Christ hold for all of mankind (John 3:16). The Bible is filled with places in which Christ expresses His love for His disciples and for His Church—His affianced bride.
Next, realize that all of Christ’s New Testament instruction is His love being expressed to His Church. Every time a member of His Church prays to God, it is an expression of his or her love back to Him. This picture represents a two-way conversation between God (in this case, Christ) as Husband and His wife (-to-be), spiritual Israel of the New Testament. Then, think of the entire Bible as the inspired compilation of all of the many vital instructions, principles and laws that a loving God, out of tremendous love for all humanity, expresses to His Church/Wife. God’s Word foretells a future time when all mankind will pray to the same God, and every human being on earth will offer expressions of deep love, respect and gratitude to Him.
The God of love and His children talk to each other because there is love between them.
Verbal expressions at the most intimate moments of love have great meaning to both mates—and these are now seen to also carry spiritual overtones and meaning. Both parties should be prepared to offer them in the right way and at the right time. To see their value, merely reflect on the last time something special was said to you at one of these shared moments. Of course, they should be genuine, not shallow, insincere flattery.
Most do not realize that God provided an inspired account of how husbands and wives should speak to and conduct themselves within the marriage bedroom. This unique book is actually God’s gift to every married couple who wants to understand true love in marriage.
Recorded by wise King Solomon, David’s son, the Song of Solomon is a marvelous—and when properly understood, truly extraordinary—narrative, picturing husbands and wives sharing love and talking about it as they do.
The book contains eight chapters of wonderful, open-hearted, tender, even touching, give-and-take conversation between two people so obviously very deeply in love. This inset will introduce it, but the reader should take the time to read and study the entire book. It can even become an eye-opening Bible study for young married couples to study together, in whole or in part—separately, if done before.
Here are a few introductory high points of the book to help the reader get the sense of language that almost no one hears anymore, and which most would think to be strange if used today.
The book opens with Solomon’s bride declaring, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for your love is better than wine” (1:2). Notice the statement is dual (see italics) in the sense that she speaks both of her husband and to him in the same thought. Verse 4 begins with “Draw me,” and this is an obvious reference to her wanting to be enticed and aroused by Solomon. (Note that verses 5 and 6 are not endorsing interracial marriage, as some think, but rather reference the appearance of a good suntan, causing the wife to look “ruddy” or “dark”—which is what the Hebrew means—not “black.”)
Verse 8 introduces four verses of Solomon discussing how his wife is beautiful to him. He compares her to beautiful jewelry, and to gold and silver.
Verse 12 begins the wife’s reciprocation, in which she describes her husband as “fair [handsome]” and “pleasant” (vs. 16), while suggesting that he will “lie all night between [her] breasts” (vs. 13). She continues into chapter two, verse one, by describing herself as a “rose of Sharon” and a “lily of the valleys.”
Verse 7 of chapter two is a general admonition to all women about being careful not to rush a husband to climax “till he please.” (The word “my” in italics was added by translators and does not belong.)
The husband is speaking from verses 10 to 15. Note how he describes his wife’s curves and “mountains” (her slopes), while also referencing the beauty and scent of flowers, the budding trees and the singing birds of spring.
Chapter three is the woman speaking throughout and chapter four is the man speaking throughout (except for the last part of verse 16), with him describing in extraordinary and poetic detail the different aspects of his wife’s body. These include her hair, teeth, lips, temples, breasts, and even her tongue, and how that, from his perspective, there is “no spot in you” (vs. 7), and that she “has ravished my heart” (vs. 9). He also references how she kept herself a virgin prior to marriage—“a spring shut up, a fountain sealed” (vs. 12). He also mentions various spices and fragrances that must have filled the room that had gardens just outside.
Chapter five opens for one verse with the husband saying that he would “come into my garden...my spouse,” and the rest of the chapter is Solomon’s wife describing, equally poetically, his body—his head, hair (“his locks are bushy [Heb: curled] and black as a raven”), eyes, cheeks, lips, hands, belly, legs, countenance and mouth.
In verse 16, she describes Solomon as both her “beloved,” and “this is my friend.” This carries a powerful message to every married couple!
Chapter six opens with the woman for three verses, with the husband continuing for ten verses to the end, and continuing on to chapter seven, verse 9. These nine verses are an even more descriptive and poetic reference to the different parts of the female anatomy.
Chapter seven closes with four verses of the wife explaining how she belongs to her husband—“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me” (vs. 10), with verse 12 describing how she will “give [him] my loves.”
Chapter eight concludes the book with the woman continuing to discuss lovemaking—verse 3 clearly describes the love embrace: “His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.”
Verses 6 and 7 are an obvious description of the heat of passion.
Verses 8 to 10 talk about two kinds of little sisters—one who can be “a wall” (remain a virgin), or one who has the potential to become “a door” (sexually loose), and who has to be, using figurative language, “enclosed...with boards of cedar.”
Solomon closes the book with four verses, verse 14 being sexual intercourse coming to culmination.
While both husbands and wives appreciate hearing the expression of such things, they are particularly important for the wife to hear, in that women are actually brought to arousal and readiness for sexual intercourse more quickly with such intimate conversation. The loving husband never forgets this—and never forgets that it can help insure the bringing about of the final orgasmic pleasure of his wife. He also recognizes that wives are actually more interested in, and responsive to, sex relations when the husband has used kind tones and warm communications throughout the day. And this should not merely be done by the husband so that he can “get sex” that night, or his insincerity will be noticed and the whole act will be cheapened. (This chapter’s inset from the Song of Solomon should be very helpful in understanding what has been explained.)
Recall that there are four phases of sexual intercourse. We can now return to the other three, recognizing that the importance of right conversation leads directly to the second phase.
The second phase should not begin until the wife has been properly aroused and is ready for union of the sex organs. By this time, the membrane of the vagina will have become properly lubricated by the glands near the vaginal entrance, allowing for proper penetration of the male member. The penetration process should be slow and careful. Generally, the husband should hold still and allow the wife to do the pushing, and she may have to guide the penis.
Prior to this, the most important method to employ that will help to hasten the wife’s arousal is focusing on the sensitivity of the clitoris to heighten her sensations. In this case, the wife is stimulated by the glans of the male penis or by the husband’s hand in the vestibule region so that direct contact is made with the clitoris (described in the previous chapter on anatomy). This provides additional pleasure for the wife once arousal has occurred. Once reached, the wife should withdraw from the position or the husband should withdraw his hand, with both mates proceeding by guiding the movement to begin penetration into the vagina.
This is not to be one-sided. The wife can also employ techniques that are enticing and erotic to her husband. Even though men are generally the initial aggressor for the evening, women can and should enthusiastically reciprocate.
Before continuing, some more needs to be said about additional forms of foreplay—which means, literally, playing before intercourse.
Love, sex and intercourse can be a time for creative thinking, so to speak, as long as all forms of perversion are avoided. It is a time to be playful. Any number of things can be pleasurable to both man and woman—and this becomes another crucially important reason why communication between couples is vital.
Do not be afraid to ask your mate to adjust—add, subtract, improve or improvise—what he or she is doing or to include various kinds of fondling, caressing, petting or massaging in ways desirable to you. Be specific—gently talk to one another, particularly if you are a new or young couple and you are at the beginning stages of learning what is truly the art of lovemaking. Regardless of how Hollywood pictures everyone just “knowing what to do,” this is ridiculous. Like everything else in life, knowing when and how to utilize the many kinds of effective forms of tenderness and delectable, pleasurable enjoyment during lovemaking is not something one is born with but rather is something that each person learns.
For instance, not all people—men or women—are stimulated or aroused in the exact same way or at the exact same speed. Each of you must recognize that you married only one person, and that all people are different. Never mind other people—you did not marry “other people.” You are married to, and have a special love for, and have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, only one person—the one beside you in bed. Find out about this person. Come to understand this person. Figure out how to best express physical intimacy with this person. Stay focused on this person and the needs, feelings, nature and particular interests and proclivities of this person!
Determine to learn all that you can together about this art, recognizing that the most wonderful part of this process is that you will probably be learning more about it for the rest of your married life!
This brings us to the third phase of lovemaking, that of sexual union. While the husband and wife are now joined in sexual union, care needs to be taken so that contact is made with the clitoris. While the penis will be stimulated by virtually any position or movement within the vagina, pressure and contact with the clitoris is essential for the woman to be able to come to climax—orgasm. In the male superior position, where the man is on top, this is best accomplished by the husband positioning his body higher up in relation to the wife’s body. If the man’s body is too low in relation to the wife’s body, there will be no contact with the clitoris. The wife should be able to indicate the extent of the raised position that provides more pleasure. The husband can easily adjust, focusing on what works best for his wife.
During sexual intercourse, the husband should also take care to support much of the weight of his own body, using his elbows and knees, taking care not to cause his wife discomfort. He should always strive to assume a position that is enjoyable for the wife—not merely one that is conducive for his own gratification. The wife must be free to move her hips. This means again that the man must be careful not to be too heavy, not to permit his full weight to rest, on his wife’s body. This is of paramount importance.
This phase of sexual union should be passionate and pleasurable for both the husband and the wife. It is in this union that the marriage partners are cleaved together in love and have truly become one in the marriage bond—have become “one flesh.”
It has been noted earlier that many generations have existed without even the understanding that the wife is to be permitted enjoyment during sexual intercourse, just as much as is the husband. Ignorance of the clitoris, or that it even has a purpose and function, and the best way of bringing about intense pleasure by maximizing contact with it were virtually unknown.
It is worth noting that many have been the husbands in the past—and wives—who had never heard of the clitoris. Many decades as a marriage counselor revealed confusion, ignorance and misunderstanding regarding a host of even such basic points.
For instance, many have not even understood that it is “permissible” for the wife to be on top during sexual relations, that this does not mean she is improperly taking or in this fashion usurping the lead from her husband. Many couples have failed to recognize that the female superior position is, in fact, often not only very “superior” to the enjoyment of some women—but also to their husbands.
This is but one example of the benefits derived when a couple is willing to communicate before and during the sex act. There are many others.
The fourth phase of intercourse and lovemaking is orgasm. While many have come to believe that achieving orgasm is the only thing in sex, it is not. By now, the reader understands this. However, the sexual union is ultimately consummated by orgasm—or climaxing—in which feelings and sensations are heightened to the very pinnacle of physical sensation. While this is not the only goal, it is certainly the overall objective for both partners.
While there can be exceptions due to unusual circumstances, recognize that orgasm is something that both mates should be able to experience virtually every time. The ideal is always for the husband and wife to strive to reach a climax at the same time, although this might not always occur as planned. Think of achieving this as something that takes practice, something that can be learned over time, and that may not be possible every time.
At the time of orgasm, the male ejects semen into the vagina (or into a condom), while the orgasm of the wife does not (usually) involve any kind of measurable discharge of fluid.
God designed for both partners to enjoy the privilege of marriage, and all couples should rid themselves of every kind of needless inhibition—and simply enjoy the blessings and bliss of God’s gift. Remember that God created female orgasm for the wife to be able to reach the pinnacle of pleasure in sexual contact, just as He did the husband, and that ideally this would occur simultaneously with him. Female animals have no such response—God uniquely designed this in the human female for her pleasure, and thus distinguished between female animals and female humans in yet one more way.
We have seen that God’s truth about marriage and understanding of sex have been repressed by false religion and blind theologians for many centuries, and they have in its place substituted the sex-is-shameful prudery. Remember, Satan cannot reproduce himself, and is jealous of puny human beings because they have a capacity that he does not. Thus, he has gone to great lengths to distort and pervert this God-intended pinnacle of sex.
But I emphasize yet one more time: With the unseen “god of this world,” Satan, guiding events from the background, this is certain to grow even worse, probably quickly, and in unimaginable ways. Of course, Christians are told to “watch” (Luke 21:36) such world conditions.
As a side note, it is important to revisit a point mentioned earlier. Many have thought that conception cannot occur if there is no actual penetration of the penis or if the woman does not experience orgasm.
It must be recognized that conception can take place whether or not either of these things occurs. Impregnation results solely from the presence of semen released into the vagina, and this can also happen if it is deposited anywhere around the vestibule. You now realize that sperm were created to be resilient.
In past generations, young unmarried couples held the unwitting notion that they could approach the sex act short of union and avoid any risk of pregnancy, particularly if the female hymen remained unbroken. Yet, as long as semen is present, even near the vestibule, pregnancy is indeed possible, regardless of the fact that the woman supposedly “maintained her virginity.” (Of course, this same surprise of unexpected pregnancy for the same reason has also been sprung on married couples. Be careful of what is happening and where it is leading.)
Questions invariably arise about which techniques and positions for sex are best or permissible, and whether or not there are any limits on what can be done before perversion enters.
The Bible is explicit on some matters, guides in principle on others, and is silent on still others.
The apostle Paul was inspired to record “Marriage is honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled” (Heb. 13:4). The latter phrase here can also be translated “let the marriage bed be undefiled” because the remainder of the passage states, “but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
Much of what occurs in the marriage bedroom—the bed—is the sole business of husband and wife. What occurs there is their decision, and should not spread outside the home through gossip and idle chatter. It is personal and private, and should stay that way—with the exception of when a couple may need to seek wise counsel to solve problems beyond their experience. This can certainly be the case and couples should always feel that they can go to one of God’s true servants, or to a physician when necessary, without feeling ashamed, embarrassed or inadequate. (Remember, lovemaking is an art, and no two couples are exactly alike. Experienced counsel can alleviate most difficulties.)
There are an almost endless number of specific techniques that could be discussed here, and books and magazines are literally filled with them. It is not the purpose, nor is it within the scope, of this volume to discuss every conceivable kind of manner or method in which people may approach sexual intercourse or intimacy. (The next several paragraphs will touch a little more on the principle that offers one of the most important guidelines for which techniques should or should not be used by either mate, when God’s Word is silent.)
Exact positions and methods in which intercourse may occur become the greatest question for many. We have already seen that either the male or female superior position is certainly correct and desirable. Understanding why this is so begins to open the door to understanding certain boundaries.
Think for a moment about exactly how God designed the male and female anatomy. The husband is generally slightly taller than the wife. At least in part, God designed the male and female bodies this way to permit the natural placement of the penis, because it enters the vagina from below (regardless of which mate is on top), to place the couple in a face-to-face position. The penis and vagina were placed where they were—and this includes in the front of the body!—for this purpose. Think about what would have happened had it been designed in any other way.
Therefore, the most optimum position for sex—and this applies to sitting, standing or lying down—is with the couple facing each other. This permits them to speak to one another, and to look into each other’s eyes at the same time. It both allows and enhances such conversation so that it carries more meaning—so that it can be more personal and loving. Never forget that the greatest purpose of sexual intercourse, in addition to that of reproduction, is to express and share love together in a God-plane relationship. This love relationship is crucial in every regard, and thus governs most—though not all—questions about techniques and positions.
Some additional particulars must be covered. Regardless of how widespread it may have become, sodomy (the penis entering the anus) is absolute perversion, and God condemns it outright in the Scriptures. Of course, the very term derives directly from Sodom and Gomorrah, in which homosexuality was rampant. It takes no imagination to understand what the wicked men (all the women of these cities were also destroyed for similar evil) of these cities were doing. Besides the obvious element of hygiene, and the filthiness involved, the entire act is simply unnatural to the way God designed the body. There are also attendant physical problems and certain undesirable effects for the woman who may be asked to accept, or who may even desire, this kind of activity.
On the other hand—and this can sometimes be necessary when, for instance, the husband may be battling impotence, or the wife has long, extended periods of menstruation—mutual manual stimulation is not an unacceptable act, as it does not involve filthy hygiene or put the couple in a position where they cannot be face-to-face. This is simply a matter of personal choice.
Comprehend this overarching principle. Love would never—never!—force a mate to do anything that is personally distasteful or repugnant, or that, for various reasons, would be physically uncomfortable to the other partner. Although both mates should be willing to overcome shyness and prudery at all costs, this becomes its own guide to decision-making about techniques and various positions. There can and should necessarily be a willingness and freedom to enjoy certain natural experimentation.
Understand further. Where God is truly silent on a matter, leaving no principles in His Word that speak to it, this volume must also remain silent.
Certainly, other issues and questions can arise: Understanding the all-important and overarching role of love—of outgoing concern for one’s mate—allows a couple to make almost every decision about what they will or will not, can or cannot, do.
One final point should be mentioned here, because it shows evidence of a loving God’s creative design.
Preliminary lovemaking prior to sexual intercourse carries a hidden benefit to married couples. There is evidence to indicate that sustained body contact for the usual fifteen to thirty minutes is therapeutic and beneficial. It results in relaxing nervous tension and in providing a sense of mental well-being for both partners after orgasm—which itself God designed to be an enormous emotional release, and perhaps even more so for the woman. However, when arousal occurs in one or both mates and the male reaches climax prematurely, the female remains with potentially great nervous tension having built up with no outlet for it. Sleeplessness can be the result. In case this happens, the man should set his alarm clock for later and complete his duty to his wife.
Although interruptions due to the healing process after the birth of a baby, illness, injury, lengthy travel, or other unforeseen reasons can occasionally appear, every kind of problem and inconsistency can be worked out by intelligent cooperation and a willingness to serve and give to the needs of the other mate. This is love!
In time, sexual relations in marriage between the loving husband and the loving wife should develop a more understanding and mature concern and devotion to one another. This has been designed by the all-wise, brilliant Creator to continue throughout the marriage, as husbands and wives grow to truly treasure and cleave to one another, according to God’s will.
After experiencing the wonderful benefits of these principles, such couples will also want to be sure that their children are given a chance to one day experience the same.
If it was not already understood, by now the reader recognizes that the world is saturated with every conceivable kind of fornication and other illicit sexual activity. This quickly, and often immediately, seems to become the main interaction between boys and girls—and, as we have seen, starting at younger and younger ages.
Simply consider again for a moment what has become the never-ending stream of television, newspaper and Internet ads offering sexual “boosters” for men (and other products) in a way that could not have been imagined even a few years ago. Children are seeing this. And then there are the beer commercials that have progressively come to include all sorts of sexual innuendos along with the inclusion of what has become almost the “standard fare” of scantily-clad women. Children are also seeing all of this—and they are taking it in!
So much of television has become utterly vulgar and sex-obsessed—as well as nauseating—to the point that it is difficult, if not almost impossible, to find programming that does not shower children with extremely enticing messages that are a challenge for even the most upright young person to resist, particularly when seemingly no one around him is trying to do the same.
This volume would not be complete without more specifically addressing what youth face today and how this book can help. As discussed thoroughly in earlier chapters, children are being absolutely bombarded with sex from every direction. Everywhere they turn—whether to television, movies, videogames, the Internet, peers at school, or even older siblings—there is sex, more sex, and yet more sex, now in every form!
But, as we have learned, young people today are not at the same time being flooded with the right kind of information on sex. The hidden, vital dimension is lacking, and even what they are taught is almost always perverted and twisted. The end result is that teens and young people have come to be filled with misinformation—false information and false values!
Parents who are reading this book must do all that they can to inoculate their children against what they will face and perhaps already are facing in this sex-saturated world.
For teens today, dating has become almost an excuse—a burdensome, necessary detail—to “get sex.” It is common today for very young teenagers to lose their virginity. Therefore, it is becoming increasingly very uncommon for one to marry a virgin.
For example, notice a quote from the British (London) newspaper, The Daily Telegraph: “Almost a quarter of 14-year-old girls claim to have had sex and say they have had an average of three partners...Bliss magazine, aimed at teenagers, questions 2,000 of its readers whose average age was 14. Sixteen per cent of those aged 13 or under, 22 per cent of 14-year-olds and 48 per cent of those aged 15 or over said they had had sex.” The facts reveal that more and more teens are having more and more sex!
Correct dating—which leads to a happy marriage—has truly become a lost art.
At the outset, in the book’s Introduction, I explained that I have prepared an extensive book titled Dating and Courtship – God’s Way. I repeat yet again, for teenagers or for parents who have children: That book must be read in conjunction with Sex – Its Unknown Dimension to get the full picture. In fact, it is advisable that teens read our book on dating first before starting this volume, as it builds a vital foundation for all that is covered here.
There is not space in this book to address all the questions that arise regarding teens, dating and sex. Among them are: What is dating? What is courtship? Is “going steady”—dating one person for a long period of time—a good thing to do? What precautions must a teenager take to truly have a successful relationship and, eventually, a happy marriage? What is lust and infatuation? What is love? Is “necking, petting,” or “making out” wrong—and, if so, why? What about premarital sex? What is the best age for marriage? Dating and Courtship – God’s Way thoroughly addresses these questions and many others, and offers plain answers no one else is presenting.
All parents who hope to one day see their children in a fulfilling, wonderful, happy and spiritually-compatible marriage are encouraged to carefully study the principles in this extensive book on proper dating and courtship, and selection of the right mate in preparation for marriage. Nothing like it has ever been written. It is filled with helpful biblical principles and truths that will guide you in how to properly guide your children.
As we have already seen, God designed sexual intercourse to be the “glue” that binds a husband and wife together. However, again, because of a lack of sexual fulfillment in vast numbers of marriages, many young couples foolishly conclude that they should “test” each other before marriage, thinking that this will help them avoid a sexually troubled marriage.
By now the reader surely recognizes that the overwhelming majority of young people are having sex—fornicating—long before marriage. Gone are the days when people knew and understood why it was best to wait until marriage. Fornication is pandemic. So is lust in the name of so-called testing.
There is an unseen but critical aspect of premarital sex that almost none understand. The Bible states that this sin is unique among all others, producing a special kind of emotional and psychological “scarring” that is very difficult to leave behind. Here is how Paul put it: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is without [outside] the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body” (I Cor. 6:18).
Fornication impacts both the body and the mind in a way that no other sin can, and it does this in two distinct ways:
First, those who engage in premarital sex will create memories of the kind of intimacy that should only bring one face to mind—his or her mate! These are very hard to forget.
Second, those couples who fornicate but then go on to marry each other often find it impossible, and this can be conscious or unconscious, to separate previous guilt from the once illicit sexual relations that, after marriage, are no longer sin. They have forever intermingled—mixed in confusion—something that God said is good (Gen. 1:27, 31) with something that was bad.
Once done, nothing can undo this.
Lust must be kept out of all relationships—and one must flee all forms of fornication! Teenagers and single adults must understand that if they do not “save” themselves for marriage, they are robbing—they are actually stealing from—their future mates! Also, again, they are sinning against their own bodies in ways not immediately evident.
In the past, both men and women wanted, and expected, to marry virgins. But today, people are actually surprised—even shocked—to have found someone who is still a virgin. They have come to expect to marry someone who may have had countless sex partners.
Yet, the Bible is very plain about sexual permissiveness, and God makes His laws and principles clear through many passages. Notice this one again from The Song of Solomon: “We have a little sister, and she has no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar” (8:8-9).
Recall from the inset that teenage girls and young women must be taught to understand that they can be either: (1) a “door” (having multiple sex partners and demeaning themselves), or (2) a “wall” (chaste, pure in marriage). While these particular verses are not directed specifically to boys or young men, the overall principle certainly applies to them as well. Every young person, and certainly every young adult, should eventually study The Song of Solomon, partly because it is an inspired book of the Bible and therefore reflects the mind of God, but more specifically because it is almost entirely about sex and marriage. This short book is a wonderful guide for how young people should prepare for sex and how young couples should approach sex in marriage. Just the language of this book, picturing Solomon before he fell into polygamy, makes it fascinating reading—for adults and teens.
Teach your children and teens to understand that marriage—and this includes sex in marriage—is wonderful, but that marriage is the only place in which sex belongs!
Even the so-called “experts” in the world admit that children are not being taught the subject of sex correctly. But they do not know what is right. They are able to see the effects that arise from the kind of sex “education” that is primarily taught through the media and entertainment, and from peers. As a way of addressing these problems, these experts turn to their solution—sex education in schools. Besides the fact that they want to teach the wrong information to children in schools, it is already too late by school age to do this—and even then they are not addressing the causes!
Educating children must begin long before they enter school. Sex education should not begin in sixth, seventh or eighth grade. Also, we saw that this type of education is strictly taught from the physical perspective—neglecting all the other purposes of sex, and rejecting the missing dimension—God’s revealed instruction.
Parents today rear children with television and other forms of entertainment virtually serving as a kind of babysitter or nanny. Many have come to feel that it is the teacher’s job to educate their children. Parents neglect to teach children fundamental principles of life that they should begin learning years before they even enter kindergarten!
Therefore, any parent reading this book must use it in two ways! First, and most obvious, this information is applicable to the marriage of the parent reading it. But, second, and of equal importance, the information here should be taught to one’s children. In the first year of human life, babies learn more by far than they will in each future year. Each year after, a child learns less and less in quantity. Parents must utilize these youngest years to begin the vital instruction of basic principles.
Similar to my dating book, Sex – Its Unknown Dimension is also a companion to Train Your Children God’s Way. While only briefly addressing the subject of sex, this latter volume serves as a foundation to what—and how—you can teach your children. These books should be read together to form the big picture of how to rear children by God’s methods.
There are many wrong approaches to teaching your children about sex. Among them are when parents try to speak in the language of young people. Do not try to be popular with your children or teens by showing that you know and will use the wrong terms for sex organs and sex relations, used by their peers.
Of course, people use various slang terms and names for the genitals and sex functions of the human body—and the sheer volume of the filthy, lust-driven, “inventive” string of clichés and vernacular phrases and terms defies description—but this book has used proper medical and proper anatomical terminology.
It is not important that your children think you “cool” because of your choice of words or terms, but rather that they know you bring a clear and genuine voice of authority where others do not. Never lose focus on how you must stand out as different from all of the other voices your children are hearing.
It is best, when teaching children, that parents always use the proper terms when explaining sex, not words of their own making—although they should always, of course, be cognizant of the age of their children when they are doing this.
The wise and loving parent takes the time to teach his or her children about sexual function and purpose. Few areas of preparation for adulthood could be more important for a child to understand than that of the role and function of the sexes. To leave your children without proper training, knowledge and understanding about what it means to be male or female, and to eventually be a husband or wife with a family, where sex is inseparable from their lives, is a grave injustice.
How many are the teenagers (and now preteens in greater and greater numbers) who have no comprehension that sex is not for indiscriminate gratification or for the mere fulfillment of animal drive and lust—that they have been given the awe-inspiring gift of sex within marriage by their Creator? When understood, how many millions and millions of young people have ruined their lives because their parents did not teach them about sex?
Consider your own circumstances for a moment. Do you have regrets about sexual mistakes you have made?—mistakes that, had you been properly instructed by your parents, you could have avoided?—that caused suffering and heartache in your life? If so, determine that your children will never have to feel as you did, and perhaps still do, because you did not carry out your duty.
Tragically, many parents feel embarrassed, and even ashamed, to teach their children about sex. Of equal tragedy, many parents were never taught about sex by their own parents, and either do not know that they should teach their children about it or do not know how! Then, by the time many figure out that they should have been teaching their children, it is too late—and they have become grandparents, or parents, of a child with a sexually transmitted disease, among numerous other consequences.
There was a time when parents were much more concerned that their children did not receive what was once generally referred to as the “drugstore” version of sex. My father certainly referenced this term to me, and wanted me to be sure that I felt free to ask him questions about sex whenever I needed to. He called these discussions “man-to-man talks,” and he began them with me when I was about eight years old, with these wonderful, father-son discussions continuing until I went to college, and even beyond.
I will never forget the time he told me that we needed to have our first man-to-man talk about sex, and how he followed up his introduction by asking me if I had any “questions” about sex. I remember just as well the very first question that I asked him—and it was a very childlike, innocent and quite humorous one. (Propriety tells me that we do not have space for it here.)
These fond memories have had a lasting impression on me, and they will do the same for your children. In my case, they led to a lifelong habit of being able to freely discuss absolutely anything with my father—literally conversation without boundaries.
It is absolutely crucial that you take all the necessary time that you and your children need to be sure that they learn about the subject of sex and marriage from the right perspective—always and only God’s perspective!—or they will surely hear the wrong version, with the wrong perspective, and this will almost certainly lead to all kinds of wrong consequences!
One towering principle must always be a part of parenting and is absolutely critical to employ as children grow older—and actually it is an atmosphere that parents must foster. They must know and understand that they can come to you when they have questions—especially regarding sex. To do this, you must be certain to never quash or set aside questions, considering them “indecent” or “stupid” or being asked “too early.” Try to show your children that their questions are important to you and that you enjoy taking the time to answer them. If they are very young, find a right explanation that they can understand. As they get older, you can begin to provide a more detailed explanation. Of course, you must use wisdom in this, but they must understand that they can and should—and even must—come to you when they have questions. Create an open environment and relationship with your children that makes this feel as natural and comfortable as possible. Also be certain to teach them that the subject of sex is not something they should be talking about with others.
Both fathers and mothers must take an active role in the sexual instruction of their sons and daughters. It is a responsibility that is inseparable from the decision to have children. And this vital duty simply cannot be left to others.
Children can and actually must begin to learn the fundamentals of sex at a young age. However, the question is often asked: What could possibly be taught regarding sex at an age as young as three or four and be beneficial? And, how could that even be considered “appropriate”? This requires explanation.
Each subject in school involves first learning certain “basics.” In math, before understanding higher-level calculus, a student must first learn and understand how to add two plus two before then moving on to the successive levels of arithmetic, algebra, geometry, trigonometry, calculus, and possibly beyond. Each level builds on the one before and is necessary to advance to the next level.
This principle also directly applies to learning about sex.
A parent must break down the subject of sex and marriage into concepts even a child can understand. The “basics” of the subject would first be to explain who and what is God. At a very young age, this would have to be carefully explained in simple terms so that a child can understand. He or she must know about God before even beginning to understand what He created—including sex. (Our extensive The Story of the Bible series—with seven volumes—and our Children’s Bible Lessons—with twelve lessons, and for children kindergarten through sixth grade—would certainly aid you in this.)
Therefore, at a young age, begin to explain the creation—what God made and how He made it. This leads to the creation of man. Then, explain that Adam needed a wife and that a husband and wife are the beginning of a family.
Then, at some point, continue with the most basic starting points by telling your son that “you are a little boy,” and what this means, and your daughter that “you are a little girl,” and what this means, in terms of anatomy. Explain to your children that they will one day grow up to look like Mommy or Daddy. This would obviously include explaining the differences between siblings of the opposite sex. Your children will notice that they are not the same. (My parents told stories of my baths at a very young age with my older sister [13 months older]. They enjoyed relating to us later how my sister and I noticed differences between us, and the cute kind of little child comments both of us made, once we understood we were not exactly the same.)
Also at some point, in simple terms, explain where babies—including your child—come from. When a mother is pregnant, it can be the perfect opportunity to explain to a child where he or she came from. Talk to your children about the development of babies in the womb. Make it as real as possible—and exciting to the child. Be sure to tie it (very discreetly) to what Mommy and Daddy did to make this possible. Then always tie this—and everything—back to God’s great Plan to expand His Family. Of course, all of this should be carefully tailored to the age of the child.
As is apparent, all of the above concepts are very basic. However, they will form the foundation for the correct understanding of sex necessary for a growing child.
As children grow older, build a more detailed picture. Talk about families and the relationships within them, while always keeping everything connected to God as Creator. Also explain what true love is and the different forms it can take and perhaps talk in terms of how God has this for all His children, and “Daddy” and “Mommy” have it for each other. Then, in very basic terms, begin to explain some of the concepts mentioned in the early chapters of this book.
There was a time in the not-so-distant past when prudery would have needed to be addressed in more detail than today before an adult could be ready for sex in marriage. While of less concern now, it can still present a problem. A century ago, “Victorian prudery” was a major problem. Actually, it was the norm, and therefore many had no idea that it was really a problem. However, we have seen the world has jumped into the opposite ditch—anything and everything “goes” when it comes to sex.
Teenagers develop physically long before they are fully developed mentally, which includes emotionally and psychologically. This is evidenced by the fact that, in most countries, one is not considered an adult until age 18, cannot serve in the military until this age, cannot vote or smoke until that same age, cannot drink until they are 21, cannot rent a car without special, added insurance until they are 25, etc. Well-documented studies have demonstrated that young people are still developing mentally until their mid-twenties.
However, physical development comes much more quickly. Girls and boys experience puberty in their early teens, and even these changes are happening at younger ages because of various causes in the environment, and in society today. Parents must prepare their children—and themselves!—for this event. Teenagers will think that they have become “grown up” when they reach puberty, and they must be prepared in advance to recognize that they still have a long way to go before adulthood. They must continue to be taught by their parents throughout this period.
With this stage in a teenager’s life comes a strong word of caution: Teens will begin to be attracted to the opposite sex. Yours will be no different. Never permit intimacy to enter any of your child’s relationships prior to marriage. Recognize that the world is waiting to ambush young people—and parents must work to prevent this, or they will themselves be blindsided! Parents will have to watch like the proverbial “hawk” to head off a child’s natural tendency to move in this direction.
Be on the lookout—and tell your children that you are. Teenagers could easily think you are old-fashioned to act in such a way. But, if you have worked with your own children from a young age, they will be prepared. If parents do not work at this from the beginning, they will quickly find that the teenage years are much too late to start!
Parents can prepare by reading all the materials we produce that have been mentioned throughout the book. Remember that it will not be easy to keep young people from going toward the trap of fornication. Such is the age in which your children live. A simple “don’t do that” will not be close to enough. Determine to continue to guide and to actively work with them throughout this most challenging period.
To some degree, and this has limits that will be explained, mothers have the responsibility to focus more on teaching their daughters about sex in marriage and fathers on teaching their sons the same.
Mothers should teach their daughters what it means to be a little girl on the way to adulthood, including all the phases and vital information she needs en route to becoming both wife and mother, and even grandmother, someday. Invite your daughters to bring their questions to you, and instruct them that it is your responsibility (and no one else’s) to teach them about sex, marriage, puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and all the other related aspects of being a girl and later a woman.
Prepare your daughters to one day be able to give themselves to a man. This includes preparing them to look to the future wonderful man of their dreams after marriage—and to save themselves for him and him alone!
Above all, teach them modesty, which means teaching them not to flaunt themselves in front of young boys, and that they have a certain “power” that must be used wisely, or they will answer for it someday—before God! Remind them that if they give themselves to a boy, they are not only stealing from their future husband, but also stealing from the boy’s future wife.
Similarly, fathers should teach their sons what it means to be a little boy growing up to manhood. This would include all of the kinds of education and different phases of developing into full adulthood. Start the habit early of sitting your son or sons before you and speaking openly to them about the many kinds of things that they will face before those things slam into them, and before they tumble into pitfalls they could have known about, but did not, because of parental dereliction of duty.
Teach them about puberty, wet dreams, and the need to control the natural lust that will arise in them for the female shape. Usually at first finding girls almost repugnant, little boys will not see this as a danger early on, but explain to them that their thinking will change in a big way later on!
Teach them that they will one day lead a wife and later a family. This will mean making many, many decisions, and some of these will involve being able to wait to have children. Be sure that they understand that this will not always be easy—and that they must see themselves as in training for this role.
Again, similar to mothers with daughters, fathers should teach their sons to respect young girls, to be little gentlemen in their presence, to see them as someone’s future wife and mother. They must understand that girls are literally “hands off” sexually, in the truest and fullest sense of the word, until the time of marriage.
Of course, this is only the beginning of all that children should be taught. But it is enough to give a sense to the wise parent of how and what to do.
The role of each parent explained here is certainly not to be carried out exclusively, without the involvement of the other parent. This instruction is not suggesting that mothers should never teach their sons or that fathers should never be involved in teaching their daughters about sex. There should be plenty of crossover in instruction on this subject, and this means that parents should from time to time speak together to their sons, and together to their daughters, and sometimes together with all of their children present.
Periodically teaching your children as father and mother together serves a secondary and vitally important purpose—your children will observe that their parents are unified, that they are not divided in their view of sex and their responsibility to teach their children in the right manner.
Part of this visible unity to your children is that they will see the caring and love in their parents that they will want to one day seek to bring to their own marriage and childrearing. They will want to experience this same love and unity within their own family. You will literally be teaching your future grandchildren when you properly teach your children. The rewards to you, your children and your grandchildren will carry on for generations.
Finally, be sure that you teach your children all of the ways in which they are different from animals—that there are God-ordained differences about sex entirely unique to human beings, when compared to every kind of animal on earth. Be sure that you are teaching them about the error—and terrible folly—of evolution, and the necessary thinking and conclusions about sex in marriage that accompany this theory. They must understand that evolution automatically leads to one set of values with regard to sex, and that the Creator—the divine revelator who reveals the hidden, missing dimension of sex—leads to another.
Previous chapters touched on a host of aspects of what parents should be teaching their children about sex. The reader is encouraged to bear this in mind when periodically reviewing this volume. It will serve as a blueprint to guide you through the many “milemarkers” in your children’s development.
Every parent has a God-ordained duty to teach their children about life’s greatest challenges, pitfalls and temptations. This age requires an extra measure of instruction from parents. Ironically, more and more parents are going the other direction and defaulting in their responsibility.
Without the guidance of wise, loving parents on all the important matters relating to sex and its role in marriage, your children have no chance—“no shot,” as it were—to have a happy home and family. They are doomed to be swallowed by the overwhelming number of traps and misunderstanding into which they can fall. Think of them as surrounded by a huge army, and they themselves left out in the open and without a single weapon for defense.
Certainly there are many different kinds of threats to teenagers and children. The lures of gambling, drugs, alcohol, wrong companions and other snares and temptations are certainly out there, and they are just as real, with some of these also contributing to the problem of misuse of God’s gift of sex. There are also other kinds of character problems that children need to be warned of—laziness, disrespect, ingratitude and many others—that the wise parent teaches against. But the many pitfalls associated with sex represent, perhaps, the greatest single danger for children and teens.
I repeat with the strongest possible emphasis: All of this chapter touches on the all-important principle of teaching your children the proper way. I stress again: I have prepared an extraordinary book on this subject. If you are a parent, you are urged yet again to read my book Train Your Children God’s Way. There has never been a volume written like it about childrearing, and you will be very happy that you took the time to read and apply its contents.
We have now arrived at the final instruction about sex, that of the occasion when adult men and women are to experience it for the very first time—The Wedding Night!
Perhaps the most anticipated single night of one’s entire life would be that of The Wedding Night. Sadly, for so many millions of couples, it is just another night of the same thing that has already been occurring between them, and that probably occurred with others before that.
For those who have waited for The Wedding Night—this most special of moments—there has been preparation on top of anticipation, with this on top of great expectation for what this evening will bring. Ideally, this night unlike any other will have been preceded by the proper length and period of engagement.
Some vital points remain.
Many have different ideas as to what liberty or restraint should characterize the engagement period. Once a couple is engaged to be married, many wonder if they are now morally free to engage in sexual intercourse. Most no longer wonder and simply plow ahead, with society adding, “Of course, they can. They can do anything they want.” Then there are the others who claim that premarital experimenting actually serves to better prepare the couple for marriage. Is this true?
We have seen that, from the beginning, the Creator of mankind has declared the absolute sanctity of marriage, having directly devoted to it two of the Ten Commandments—those pertaining to adultery and covetousness. He has decreed that men and women are not to commit adultery or to fornicate. And we have also seen that He commanded this for good reason.
The breaking of this law brings automatic curses and unexpected disappointments. The keeping and upholding of it preserves the only way to the indescribable joy and peace that marriage can be, and to a kind of wonderful stability that so few enjoy today. No different than the law of gravity, those who work in harmony with God’s great spiritual Law remain safe, while those who break it suffer inevitable damage.
Some important review from the last chapter and before: The Bible declares that the sin of premarital sex, called fornication, is unlike any other—that it produces a special kind of emotional, psychological and even mental “scarring.”
Again, fornication is unique—truly different—from all other transgressions of God’s Law. The nature of what is occurring in this act impacts both the body and the mind in a way that no other sin can, and we saw that it does this in two distinct ways.
Understanding this crucial fact, it should be of no surprise then that research studies show that those who have yielded to the temptation of sexual intercourse with their future mate are less well-adjusted than those who chose the way of restraint until marriage. Many who gave in to that temptation were not only guilt-ridden, but significantly less trusting of their mates—and for good reason. One so readily prone to violate the laws of God would not find it difficult to violate the trust of his or her mate. Mutual trust has to be practiced, built upon and maintained, whether alone or in the sight of each other—and marriage is entered with each partner seeing this as a way of life.
Adultery and fornication constitute plain sin, and sin always brings curses in life. Willful obedience puts one in harmony with laws that are active and real. The Maker of mankind has established marriage and places His blessings on such marriages that honor Him by their obedience to His laws. It is to the benefit of all to make every effort to get into harmony with those laws and reap the blessings for obedience.
By keeping the engagement relationship pure, a couple is reserving for itself untarnished joy of wholesomeness and purity. The bride can and should look forward to the wedding as the pinnacle of her girlhood dreams. To tarnish these lofty dreams by premarital intercourse is to sell short this long-term God-plane relationship and degrade it for the sake of temporary self-gratification.
Once one understands the spiritual parallels of human reproduction and marriage, that individual is far less prone to helplessly fall headlong into uncontrolled passion and lust. Understanding these incredible parallels helps one to more deeply appreciate the fascinating Plan of God, and to have a healthy fear of dismissing this understanding in deference to sexual relations during engagement.
This gives added meaning to the proverb, “...by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil” (Prov. 16:6). The decision between having sexual relations with the espoused mate and waiting until marriage is essentially a decision between putting a permanent stigma on the marriage and crippling it before it begins, or to reserve this God-ordained relationship for the pure and wholesome institution that it could be—while at the same time insuring years and decades of joy and fulfillment.
Remember, most people just go along with the weaklings in the crowd, those who are too foolish and ignorant to exhibit character. Taking the path of least resistance, they are happy to float downstream and end up wherever the current takes them. Be willing to be different—swim against the current! Merely demonstrating a relatively very little amount of patience—being willing to exercise some vision—and character—will go a long, long way for the couple who understands this!
We discussed in an earlier chapter that the supposedly innocent act of necking and petting, of itself, is also in violation of the Seventh Commandment. Of course, again, most today would laugh at, even ridicule, such a “prudish and old-fashioned” statement. But it should now be abundantly clear that the Eternal God ordained in His perfect wisdom all the elements of lovemaking to be integrated—to work together—through all the phases of the sexual relationship. Those who violate any facet of this law by practicing this conduct before marriage are also guilty of fornication and are opening themselves up for curses here and now, as well as robbing themselves of the full measure of true marital bliss that God makes possible for those who do not scar their potential of reaping His blessings. This simply cannot be emphasized too strongly.
The perceptions of sex appeal and arousal were carefully designed by the Master Designer to strengthen the marriage bond. These interactive drives can and should, if the principles contained here are applied, increase what is to be the ever-growing mutual love existing between the husband and wife. The intimate husband-wife sexual relationship, and all of the tender caresses and erotic playfulness involved in foreplay is reserved for the marriage bed (Heb. 13:4)—and bond. And the sanctity of this covenant, because the parents will remain together, preserves the children of the marriage, as well as the entire family structure.
Those who seek to obey God cannot allow society’s perceptions and values to pull them down. Adultery and fornication are still sin, regardless of what movies and the hypnotic message of today’s rotten music lyrics declare.
(Much more detailed information about permissible conduct during the engagement period is carefully explained in Dating and Courtship – God’s Way.)
Before discussing The Wedding Night, it is crucial that we both review and clear up a few widely-held misconceptions that potential brides and grooms often carry with them into marriage, and obviously carry into their first night.
I mentioned earlier that some have the erroneous idea that the relative sizes of their sex organs could lead to problems of incompatibility. In fact, some have used this argument to justify the need for premarital sex to confirm future compatibility—that they need to try each other on for size, like shoes.
As explained, sex organs can vary in size, just as can one’s height and weight, or size of hands and feet. Yet, the relative size of those organs has no bearing whatsoever upon being properly mated, or on whether “satisfaction” can take place.
Remember, the very smallest vagina is capable of stretching to accommodate the passage of a baby’s head. Therefore, it will easily accommodate whatever size the penis may be. An intelligent God would have anticipated what human minds could worry about, and design the flexibility of the vaginal membrane to ensure loving couples would not be unfairly “ambushed,” as it were, by what they could not possibly know unless they had fornicated to find out. Thus, the erroneous idea of organ size compatibility is utterly unfounded. Whatever adaptations are required, the couple will be able to easily acclimate to each other without undue complications.
If the minds “fit,” so will the sex organs!
Another common misconception shared by brides in the past is fear of pain or injury during initial, or even later, sexual intercourse. These young women usually had heard stories of how some brides experienced pain upon penetration of the husband’s penis. Such incidences could, most likely, have come about by the ignorance of one or both parties as to the need for preliminary lovemaking to ensure proper lubrication prior to intercourse.
Any cases of pain or injury for the woman generally occur when the husband recklessly barges forward in total disregard for his wife’s feelings and readiness. Invariably, in such cases, the husband’s only concern was his own gratification.
We have seen in Chapter Nine that time must be allowed for the wife to achieve arousal. Then, and only then, should the husband proceed with care, having consideration for the wife.
We saw that another misconception held by some wives in the past is that the woman has to experience an orgasm in order to become pregnant, and that this is false. The phenomenon of female orgasm is completely independent of the very separate phenomenon of pregnancy, which depends solely upon whether a sperm cell unites with the ovum, and can reach implantation.
What is necessary for pregnancy is simply that male semen reaches the vagina. As mentioned earlier, the sperm has incredible mobility and endurance (remember it is, in a sense, specially battery-powered), with some spermatozoa remarkably able to find their way down the long journey to the uterus and Fallopian tube.
Another common misconception, this one by young men, is that sexual inactivity will reduce sexual vitality later. This is simply ridiculous and is merely human reasoning at work, trying to devise an excuse for masturbation and/or fornication, in other words, sexual activity before marriage.
Let’s understand. The Creator intended for the man to have time to reach maturity and to prepare for his career choice—his lifelong vocation—before entering marriage. This often requires years (sometimes many years) of patient work and preparation. The notion that one has to be sexually active prior to marriage is a satanic falsehood. The Creator of the human body knew exactly what He was doing, and never placed any kind of deadline upon marrying within a certain timeframe—merely because one has reached puberty.
Recognizing that physical maturity long precedes mental and emotional maturity sufficient for marriage (this was explained earlier), God created a certain natural means of relief of tension and buildup of seminal fluid through a process that has been called “nocturnal emission,” which occurs during sleep (one may or may not wake up during this occurrence). Therefore, one’s ability for reproduction does not die by practicing continence or abstinence, but rather stays alive in a dormant state until marriage—exactly as God intended. Meanwhile, and God also designed this to be the case, each man is to develop self-discipline in practicing abstinence until he has prepared himself for marriage.
Proverbs 24:27 tells all future husbands to “Prepare your work without, and make it fit for yourself in the field; and afterwards build your house,” meaning to diligently prepare first, and afterwards get married.
This passage reveals the God-intended phase of all-important, vital preparation in order to be able to support a wife and a growing family. Whether this involves extended education or acquiring a trade or starting a business, one should do this in obedience to God’s command. There will be no accompanying loss of sexual vitality or suffering of any kind of atrophy.
In light of Proverbs 24:27, regarding sex, the saying is probably never more true that “Good things come to those who wait.”
Conversely, and strangely, some have thought that engagement in sexual activity during marriage will reduce a man’s overall vitality and stamina. Athletes were once told to abstain from sexual activity just prior to competition for this reason. It has been discovered that there is no link whatever between male ejaculation and the loss of any kind of vital energy in a way that would limit duties or labor that a man could carry out.
This is but another way that Satan’s world has listened to baseless notions, intended to counter God’s purpose for sex.
In the early twentieth century, over 80 percent of brides were estimated to have entered marriage as virgins. By about 1960, the statistics had reversed—about 80 percent of brides entered marriage having lost their virginity. By 2000, over 95 percent had been estimated to have lost their virginity before the time of marriage. (One can only guess how much this percentage has grown today, several years later.)
The subject of The Wedding Night automatically involves the question of contraception. By now, the reader understands that sex has much greater meaning than merely continuing the human race. So, is family planning wrong? In other words, is the use of contraception permissible?
What does God’s Word reveal?
Before addressing other questions, some have claimed that the Old Testament account, found in Genesis 38, of Onan spilling his seed on the ground, rather than impregnating his brother’s widow, presents positive proof that couples should not use contraceptives. Let’s understand what really happened here.
The Old Testament contained a law mandating that if a husband died, his brother would marry the widow. A child born to this couple would be considered a child of the deceased husband. Summarized in Deuteronomy 25:5-10, this was God’s command to ensure the continuation of families in the nation of Israel.
However, in this account, Onan prevented conception during intercourse, because he knew the child would not be considered his, but rather the offspring of his brother (Gen. 38:9). This was not family planning—prudent contraception. The account records God executing Onan because he did not obey His law and provide a son for his new wife. It is not addressing contraception, and is far from proof that using it is wrong.
To wisely plan a family and the timing of childbirth is prudent! This necessarily involves the use of contraceptives, which in no way violates God’s Law. On the contrary, this is a responsibility of every couple, especially in light of the expense of raising a child. Also, Paul wrote, “If any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an [unbeliever]” (I Tim. 5:8).
Over one billion professing Christians are taught that contraception is wrong because their leaders do not understand the God-ordained purposes of sex. They are told to practice the “rhythm method.” This is gross hypocrisy, as it starts with the premise that sex for any other purpose than procreation is wrong, yet provides parishioners a way to be able to “beat the system.” (Also, we must consider that so-called rhythm is a relatively unreliable form of birth control. Fear of becoming pregnant too early creates an atmosphere of nervousness and inhibition that harms lovemaking, particularly for young couples.)
God’s servants need not take this approach. There are several kinds of effective contraceptives, and sometimes, to be certain to avoid pregnancy, more than one method can be used at the same time.
The condom, used by the husband, is probably the most effective method and the easiest to use. The man should familiarize himself with these before The Wedding Night.
There are also many spermicidal gels and foams that a woman may employ. These are sometimes preferable to a condom, particularly when the risk of pregnancy is low due to time elapsed since a woman’s ovulation—the period of peak fertility. One must be cautious, however, due to the chance of adverse chemical reactions to various spermicides.
Some women prefer to be fitted with a diaphragm, because of the advantage of allowing for more spontaneity than do other methods.
The intrauterine device (IUD) is actually much more often an abortifacient—an agent that causes an abortion—rather than functioning as a contraceptive. It affects the lining of the uterus, which leads to termination of the already-fertilized ovum, meaning that it interrupted—killed—a life that had begun!
Finally, other methods of birth control, such as the Pill, the transdermal birth control Patch, and the Ring, alter a woman’s hormone levels, thereby affecting ovum production, thickness of the cervical lining, and production of cervical mucus. These methods are associated with substantial side effects, and also act as abortifacients in a percentage of each user’s monthly cycles.
Understand—abortion is plain, premeditated murder! A Christian would never use a method of contraception in which there is even the tiniest possibility that this humanly-sanctioned sin could be committed! (The list of related literature at the book’s end references a detailed publication about abortion that we offer.)
It is beyond the purpose of this book to discuss in detail all the available types of contraception. Those who are preparing for marriage are strongly encouraged to carefully research this topic. Physicians may also be consulted.
This astounding trend tells much about the direction of modern society, and it must be addressed here because it can have a bearing on The Wedding Night. In light of the above statistics, less than 1 in 16 of the brides of only a little above a 100 years ago would withhold themselves today. In other words, 16 in 20 who were virgins has been replaced by less than 1 in 20 now.
But the message today is actually worse than the statistical shift. At the beginning of the last century, those who had lost their virginity were considered to have “lost their honor,” whereas by the year 2000, the very mention of virginity came to be met with scorn. Instead of being a badge of honor, virginity now had to be guarded with anonymity to avoid derision. If a virgin did not wisely conceal her purity, worse than merely being labeled “goody two shoes,” she would be the subject of scorn and ridicule, and even lampooning, from promiscuous friends. Of course, today it is worse. There are however, still a very, very few women who have the courage to declare that they have kept themselves for their future husband. These were able to keep the big picture in mind. In the end, these were the true winners, and all others the losers.
This leads to the following scripture, which strongly indicts modern society. Notice: “And judgment is turned away backward, and justice stands afar off: for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter. Yes, truth fails; and he that departs from evil makes himself a prey: and the Lord saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no judgment” (Isa. 59:14-15).
The time is soon coming—when the restoration of the government of God has been established on earth—in which evil and wickedness will, once again, be considered shameful. Righteousness will be the only acceptable way—not something that has to be covered up to avoid the scorn of this world.
For the young bride to present herself as a virgin to her husband in holy matrimony, and for the man to be willing to do the same thing that he hopes for in her, is most noble in God’s sight. Once again, the world will one day come to value this understanding, and do so far more than was done 100 (or 1,000!) years ago, when 20 percent were still willing to violate social acceptance.
In times when morality was still highly esteemed, the presentation of a bride as a virgin to the one who would be her lifelong husband stood as a milestone representing virtue and honor. This highlight in the bride’s life—when she should be experiencing the pinnacle of elation and wearing virginity as a badge of honor—revolves around the wedding and The Wedding Night. It is the preserving of her purity that opens the way for joy and greater fulfillment in married life.
Certainly, again, it has always been God’s intent that purity be maintained by both parties until the wedding. This presentation of honor by the bride and the groom is part of the spiritual fulfillment of The Wedding Night. Recall that the wedding on the human plane is a direct type of when Christ, who will be perfectly pure and sinless, marries His bride, the Church, who will have made herself ready “not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing; but...holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27).
The rest of this chapter has needed to be written from the perspective of virgins who are reading and seeking to apply it. While it can still be very helpful to all others, for obvious reasons, this is the audience to whom it must be written.
The physical aspect of The Wedding Night centers upon what has been called “defloration”—meaning to “deflower”—the breaking or the removal of the hymen.
There is a purpose for everything that God created and the hymen is no exception. This part of the female anatomy is not a mistake or afterthought by God, and was included in His statement that His Creation was “very good.” By the end of The Wedding Night, the hymen will have served its intended purpose, which was to be a “wall” preventing intercourse—a kind of symbol that God intended young women not to be the “door” referenced in The Song of Solomon.
There are occasions, however, in which the hymen may have been prematurely ruptured by a woman who had kept herself a virgin. Horseback riding, bike riding or even accidents can cause the hymen to break, and in some cases without the young girl or woman realizing it. Also, the wide use in today’s society of tampons during menstruation can sometimes accidentally break the hymen and the normal bloody discharge of menstruation might disguise that this had happened. Husbands must be prepared for a wife who may have been completely unaware that this had occurred.
The removal of the hymen can be carried out either by stretching or by rupture, although rupture is the course most often required. Stretching is one solution that may serve to make the inevitable process of rupture less painful. Upon the initial intercourse, as the penis is placed in contact with the hymen, the gradual force guided by the bride will bring about a minimal pain as it is stretched and finally broken. If sufficient time has been given to lovemaking and foreplay, and the bride has come to full sexual arousal, then the pain will be less noticeable, because it is mixed with pleasurable enjoyment. If the hymen is sufficiently flexible, it can be possible to have complete penetration without breaking it.
A side note: Women often do not experience orgasm on the first night. Concern about rupturing the hymen, but also nervousness, impatience, and extra fatigue or other factors can cause this. While disappointing, the couple should not take this as a failure. The next several sections address additional factors that can come into play.
Repeated intercourse during the honeymoon can continue to stretch the hymen several times beyond the initial intercourse. When the hymen finally relaxes, this completes the defloration in a way that minimizes bleeding and discomfort, if it has been ruptured.
Some brides have worried whether the husband could penetrate the hymen. When it is apparent that it will not stretch as needed, then rupture will be required. Every normal man should be able to penetrate the hymen by bracing himself firmly so that the bride is the one who actually does the pushing. Since she best understands the degree of discomfort she could tolerate, she should determine the necessary pressure for rupturing the membrane.
Just as mentioned with reference to stretching the hymen, before attempting to rupture it, the bride must have reached her full arousal in order for the vagina to be properly lubricated. (This is one reason it is wise to bring some type of lubricant, such as simple baby oil or vaseline, on the honeymoon. Many couples prefer to use additional lubricant throughout their marriage.)
Also, before the first penetration of marital intercourse begins, the bride should help guide the penis to the orifice of the vagina. This is because the groom would naturally be inexperienced. As mentioned, the husband should brace himself in fixed position, allowing the bride to do the pushing. If penetration does not come about in a gradual manner, then the bride will need to use a powerful thrust while the husband continues to hold rigidly still. The rupturing may cause slight pain, but will be accompanied with the delight of the successful defloration.
The emphasis will quickly shift to the pleasurable sensation of the intimate sexual bond between the newlyweds, now occurring for the very first time.
Only in rare cases is it necessary for the bride to visit a physician to have the hymen removed. If need be, this would be a simple procedure, but should only be done after finding that it was too thick to rupture through the initial thrust or actual coitus.
The previous section automatically leads to what we will now cover—bringing a sense of humor to The Wedding Night.
I have counseled countless couples in preparation for The Wedding Night. It would be good here to first mention that such counsel can be helpful, even vital, for almost every couple. Of course, today, most would chuckle, or even ridicule, the idea of pursuing counsel about sex before marriage. But remember that this book is written for those who have shown restraint and have kept themselves for marriage. These invariably need some guidance. Seeking counsel allows for an experienced counselor, often the one who will perform the marriage, to offer a host of different helpful insights that can aid young couples in bypassing unnecessary confusion and difficulty. It has long been the policy of God’s Church that every young couple should be carefully counseled about both marriage, sex and The Wedding Night. Of course, within the Church of God this is always done.
A false sense about what this first night will be like is present in most couples. Hollywood has assisted in creating the image that this first sexual encounter will be so perfect that the “earth will move,” thunder and lightning will probably appear, and a choir of angels will be heard singing in the background! Not so.
While The Wedding Night can be wonderful, it will almost certainly not approach perfection or even the level of success that may come even on the second or third night. In other words, things may not go as expected—and there is at least a chance that it will not be close. This is why I always counsel young couples to remember to pack their sense of humor into the suitcase (not just for the honeymoon, but for the entire sexual relationship to follow throughout the marriage).
Many initially wonder why I would say such a thing, and this is generally because of the Hollywood illusion described above. Yet, many have been the times when couples have returned from the honeymoon to exclaim with a broad smile, “Now we know why you said to have a sense of humor!”
There will be some beginning nervousness, including not-yet-overcome embarrassment at being naked before each other for the first time. While this awkwardness of being unclothed almost immediately disappears, and couples can quickly find themselves in the hot tub or showering together, it can be replaced by other awkwardness or fumbling at “key moments.” There may be difficulty putting on the condom, breaking the hymen, or finding the vaginal entrance if it is too dark, etc.
Both parties should recognize that inexperience will probably rule the day (actually the night), or at least some of it. Be prepared to laugh at certain moments and to recognize that you are building special memories that you will cherish for the rest of your lives—inexperience, awkwardness and fumbling among them!
When a reception follows the wedding, it is most important that the bride and especially the groom be temperate in drinking wine or alcoholic beverages. One reason is that the groom would most likely be driving after the reception, at least a little.
Although a little alcohol can certainly add to the ambiance and relaxation of the evening, there is another reason for minimizing, or even avoiding, alcohol on this occasion. The couple should approach their wedding night with alertness. While they are entering a most wonderful evening and honeymoon to follow, the night should be approached deliberately. Too much is at stake and too many memories to be made, to approach it carelessly.
Husbands should recognize that little girls grow into teenagers, who then grow into young women, having spent virtually all of these years dreaming about and preparing for this most wonderful day of their lives so far. Nothing a woman will have experienced will have been like it. She may have experienced the proper teaching through her formative years that she is preparing herself for this special day of “wedding bells.” It has finally arrived.
Just as the wedding is intended to highlight the bride on this glorious day in her life, so should The Wedding Night be an extension of that time. The groom should make every effort to see that this occasion elevates his bride in every way. Rather than quickly moving to seeking his own gratification, the new husband should lovingly place the needs and concern of his bride first on this, her most special night, following her most special day. This occasion should be handled with gentleness and tenderness and concern for her feelings. The nature of women, including all the additional preparation of her dress and the fixing of her hair, etc., makes this moment even more special to her than the groom.
First impressions are crucially important. The bride’s first impression of sexual relations should reflect the tenderness and admiration she feels for the man she loves. Aggressive blunders of grooms on the very wedding night, bordering upon rape, have in themselves resulted in failed marriages, which pointed back to simple self-gratification and selfish disregard for the feelings of the bride.
Another disappointment that could potentially interrupt an otherwise glorious occasion could be avoided by careful planning. The bride-to-be should take measures to plan the wedding after the end of her menstrual cycle, allowing for a safe margin of error, if possible. However, be aware that, due to the nervousness of the occasion, the cycle is subject to radical interruptions. (I have known of more than one bride who reported starting her period just before reaching the motel, and others during the ceremony—and even one who started while she was walking down the aisle.)
Careful adjustment of the timing of the wedding can usually prevent such an unexpected letdown.
One other point may be introduced here. Some wonder if there can actually be a benefit, or if it is “all right,” for a couple to wait until the second night of the honeymoon to consummate the marriage. For some couples, the 24- or 48-hour period preceding the wedding ceremony can be extremely stressful. This can include the size of the wedding, the time of day or evening that it occurs, sleeplessness the previous evening, and then there is the distance to the first night’s lodging. There is also the possibility of illness. If some alcohol has also been consumed, the couple can arrive at the special moment completely exhausted, hence the question.
While delaying is not ideal, it is certainly not wrong, and each couple must decide what is best for them. They may wish to keep these things in mind when planning this wonderful occasion.
The bridegroom should take precautions not to embarrass the bride by immediately undressing in her presence. Although God made the female body attractive and sexually appealing to the male, the male body is not as attractive in the same way in the eyes of the bride. Therefore, the groom should be careful not to display his naked body before his new bride, especially on this special night. Neither should he demand that she immediately display hers. In due time—and, as mentioned, this will probably happen quickly—they will acclimate to each other. But special care and consideration should be shown beginning with this night—first impressions are important!
The groom should allow the bride to undress and change into her lingerie or nightwear in privacy, if she so prefers—and many certainly will. Most brides prefer the bedroom to be either dark or dimly lit for a more romantic atmosphere, at least early in the marriage and on this first night. Since it is more important to women that they look physically attractive to the man than the other way around, the bride may be overly worried about her husband’s first look at her naked body.
A note to wives is important here: You must overcome any shyness or embarrassment that you feel about your body. God designed it to be very attractive—both beautiful and enticing—to a man. This includes your husband. His mind was designed so that seeing you unclothed arouses him. Whatever you are thinking, he almost certainly is not. What you may see in your own body must be tempered with the knowledge that he is seeing something entirely different.
But husbands, remember again, this is the bride’s night, and accommodations should be made to fulfill her every (reasonable) desire.
The bride and groom should take plenty of time in getting used to one another. By showing consideration and avoiding embarrassing situations, by starting out correctly, the marriage can more easily remain on a solid foundation, particularly during what can be delicate beginnings for both partners. Mutual concern and consideration will lay the groundwork for mutual respect and a lasting relationship.
The bride should also take care to understand that her husband is trying to make the best possible impression on her, while bringing no experience whatsoever to the task of this special evening. He will possibly be as nervous as she. She should try to be sincerely encouraging to him, reminding him of her feelings toward him, and that she is looking forward to him taking the lead.
In an earlier chapter, the need for personal grooming, proper hygiene and related matters was stressed. Common faults were mentioned concerning the failure of either party in this regard. It is absolutely paramount—and even more so at the beginning!—that both mates strive to show proper manners, grooming and courtesies in the presence of each other, particularly on this first night. Each must be respectful and conscientious about personal appearance and conduct in the presence of the other mate.
These courtesies, plus wisdom in planning ahead to ensure that things go smoothly, should help to make the couple’s night a very special place in the memory of both mates.
Proper planning would insure that the couple remembers to take contraceptives (and a sufficient supply!) and possibly lubricants with them. (Be sure to read the inset in this chapter that addresses contraception.)
To have a well-planned, joyful honeymoon is truly the right send-off—the right starting point—for a happy marriage!
Many generations across millennia of time have been denied the truth about the meaning of marriage and sex within it. In place of the true understanding of God’s purpose, the same masses were only taught the false teachings of repression and that sex is evil. This Victorian, prudish approach caused many brides to literally (and so unnecessarily) dread sexual intercourse with their new husbands. Instead of tenderness and love, there was ignorance and domination, with little concern shown for the wife’s feelings. Satan’s way has long perverted and successfully hidden the God-intended joy of marriage and marital relations.
Those who read this volume have been blessed to be set free of false religious repressive ideas that sex is evil. And, on the other extreme, it also frees those caught up in the promiscuous teachings of the now not-so-new morality, which has become the new amorality.
The bride in particular stands to benefit from the right and proper instructions regarding The Wedding Night, which should fulfill her girlhood dreams of sharing her love with a considerate and gracious husband. If the husband is someone worthy of her complete trust, she can willingly surrender herself into his loving embrace, looking forward to enjoying the ecstasy of marital relations as God intended—the intense explosion of sensation for both, unlike any other.
Again, the bride is especially magnified by this occasion—of her most special day and her most special moment of sublime unity with her husband. In time, this unity will come to encompass the physical, emotional and spiritual aspect of their beings. If mutual respect prevails, the marriage will last throughout their lifetime.
This very first coming together is symbolic of two becoming one in a single moment. Each mate was created incomplete and imperfect if left by himself or herself. God had said in Genesis, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (2:18). It is also true then that it is not good that the woman be alone.
The very first night of marriage has ended this for both!
The precious truth disseminated by this book should make possible the realization of the joy that The Wedding Night should be for both the bride and the groom. Both should read and ponder this lost knowledge, presented here, of the God-ordained purposes of sex—the unknown, missing dimension in sex—before marriage and the honeymoon.
Soon, every couple on earth will enter marriage, and the honeymoon, armed with the knowledge you have been given. But this will not happen until the living Jesus Christ comes back to clean up this confused, twisted, God-rejecting, mixed-up world, and replace it with the wonderful world to come, filled with abundance, peace, full joy and happiness.
In summary, we have seen that the all-powerful, living God is expanding His divine Family by creating His righteous character in humans, and that this is the all-important purpose behind sex and the family relationship. All true Christians are spiritually begotten at baptism and carry the potential to then be born of God into the kingdom of God.
Now recognize that two important purposes in regards to sex fit within this plan for mankind.
First, God designed sex to symbolize physical life. This is because it is through reproduction that human life is begotten. Second, He authored sex to be an expression of marital love. Sex is both a physical type of life and the greatest expression of love.
Also, just as reproducing physically typifies the process of spiritual begettal, love in marriage is a type of Christ’s loving relationship with His Church. The wife giving of herself to her husband pictures true Christians in God’s Church giving themselves over to Christ!
How we approach sex is all in our attitude. One’s mental attitude and how it relates to sex is absolutely crucial. Although a similarity exists in both animals and humans in that sex allows for reproduction, there is a vast difference between the purpose and use of sex in animals compared to humans.
Remember, human beings, not animals, were created in the image of God. Animals do not have the same potential as humans. Although they possess brains like humans, beasts are led by instinct. They lack the spiritual element—the mental capability to think and create.
This spiritual aspect of free moral agency in human beings gives man the ability to be in contact with and have access to God—eventually leading to being born into His Family as a God Being.
It is this gift that separates humans from animals in regards to sex!
Along with mankind’s power of choice comes serious responsibility. The Creator gave us the capacity to express outgoing concern through sex. This ability is unique to humans. Animals cannot experience this. But along with this gift of mental capability comes the duty to use sex for the right, God-ordained purposes.
Before continuing, it is necessary to understand how Satan has influenced man’s thinking in regards to sex. The devil has perverted mankind’s understanding away from the truth of God’s purpose for sex into two opposing views. He first led them to believe that sex is something to be looked down upon as a shameful, perverse act. The other extreme, an attitude of tolerance toward any and every form of perverse and lustful use of sex, is more prevalent. Today’s “anything goes” mindset can especially be seen when examining the Western World.
God’s correct reasons for sex are far different from mankind’s current confused understanding. His way of life—living according to His statutes and laws—can be summarized as the way of give.
God, the ultimate Giver, gave us five senses for our benefit. Through sight we may take in marvelous sceneries. Through our taste buds we can experience the flavors of delicious, mouth-watering foods. We have the gift of listening to relaxing, melodic music and enjoying the aroma of fresh flowers. Christ taught His disciples that God desires humans enjoy these aspects of life: “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).
This abundant life is available to all who follow God’s Law and bring their actions and behavior in line with His purposes.
However, man can also use these senses in the wrong ways by indulging in smoking, pornography, wrong music, unhealthy food and other forms of misuse. These all lead to pain and misery, and always corrupt and destroy those who participate in them. It then falls to us to use discernment in exercising our five senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch in the appropriate ways (Heb. 5:14).
Do you now see how this God-given responsibility ties in to building and developing holy, perfect character?
If you are currently going through troubles in your marriage, it is not too late to change your attitude and begin following God’s give way of life. Most marriages become unhappy when wrong attitudes enter in. Do not seek only what you can get out of a relationship, but what you can give back. Do not miss the opportunity that marriage provides to truly give of yourself and practice Acts 20:35.
If you are still single, or have perhaps gone through a divorce, study and understand God’s correct purposes of sex. Ensure that your thoughts and conduct are aligned with His Will. Trust Him to guide and direct the selection of a husband or wife when the time is right.
Equipped with this precious knowledge, if you follow God’s Law and truly grasp His purposes for sex, you will experience all the wonderful blessings and benefits a loving God provided for His creation.